Right! You have this site, and, more importantly, the people in it. You're not alone.

Just be honest and don't take offense when people question your lack of faith. It's not personal, they don't understand our point of view and it's foreign to them. Once they realize you are the same kibd genuine person without religion, it won't be an issue.

I wish you luck on that, and know you are not alone.

"super calvinist" might get things a bit harder than expected

Welcome. I'm glad you're here.

@LisaRL26 I think you're right that it's not yet time to out yourself so to speak. it's an unsettling feeling and not the kind of time to have a bunch of people reaching out and trying to haul you back into something you're unsure of. just the fact that you signed up on this site indicates to me that you will find your way out of what seems like a mess. rely on the people here on this site all you want. it does take a while for your eyes to adjust per se. peace.

Why would you be willing to live a lie for the rest of your life with the one person you should be able to trust more than anyone else?
I know that might sound harsh, but I could not do it.

Hang in there.

I'm glad to see you are examining your beliefs. Nothing should ever be beyond scrutiny. Though in your case it seems like you will have a hard choice to make at some point. Most of us have had to "come out" as atheists at some point or another once we gave up faith. I can't tell you what is right to do. I don't know your situation. But I don't know if I would recommend hiding it for your whole life... That can really take a toll on your mental health.

You are in a tough spot, However mixed faith relationships can work, we are here for you. Take care of you.

Lisa, I'm so proud of you. Nothing anyone could throw at you would be worse than living a lie.

If you don't have kids yet, please consider avoiding that until you are sure. Kids make it much more difficult if you need to sever ties and move on.

Welcome! I hope you enjoy the site. It is a fun and interesting place.

Yikes. That sounds problematic.
Eventually, the manure will hit the fan, though, and you might want to start making plans for a single life, with new friends.

I hope your mother was supportive and present for you, even if she has concerns about this turn of events.

There is always hope. I was not quite a full-on Cavlinist (my tribe did not buy special election) but considering I accepted 4 of the 5 tenets of Calvinism I was dour enough for government work I guess. And here I am, a full-on atheist.

In my experience people don't change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of not changing. I think that's the place you're in. If your husband is not, and he truly loves you, then this should not be an relationship-ending revelation.

However if you ever contemplate coming out to him, let me propose a little trap. Get him to tell you if he thinks you're one of the elect or not first. Get him to do it a number of times over a long period. Maybe tell him you're not feeling like one of the elect, and let him repeatedly reassure you that you are; I'd imagine he'll be quite firm about it. Then tell him you no longer believe in god. That way, there's no chance that he can claim you never were one of the elect (a common tactic believers -- especially Calvinists -- use on deconverts) and, as a bonus, you've set him up to explain that belief is not a special gift from god, it is based on what you know to be [un]likely to be true based on [lack of] evidence. The only reason people think they need the gift of faith is the lack of evidence -- which at some level they know is a problem.

I'm not guaranteeing this will work or make everything okay, it's just my subversive sense of humor I guess. Combined with my particular aversion to being gaslighted by people who are Christians but don't know me, as "never one of us" despite a year of formal theological training, and a couple decades of faithful church involvement, and total acceptance as a mature Christian by my comrades. (The people who DID know me as a Christian, are just confused and think it's a passing phase, despite that I've been an unbeliever for nearly 25 years now, but that's another story. They have to handle the cognitive dissonance somehow).

I've actually been seriously questioning the belief system I've grown up with (non-denominational Christian) because of how it seems to clash so badly with a rational scientific mindset, opting instead for the cop-out of "I don't know, therefore God."

Oh, that is a tough gig. I am assuming the super calvinist husband (SCH) will not approve. But, honestly, if that's your conviction then you do no-one - including yourself, especially yourself - any favours by pretending. If SCH cannot cope, then that is his problem.

You just have to be honest be what you think/know/believe. Hard candy, I know, but better than the pretend alternative.

I’m also new here. Welcome. With such subject matter, having an outlet can be very helpful and healthy.

Best of luck..

You got to be true to you

Tough spot, I feel for you. I hope you can find the way and be true to yourself.Anything I can do to help, let me know.

You are never alone. You're part of a broader community of like minds. Never forget that fact! Peace.

Sorry for your sorrows. This belief system business should be personal. We are entitled to our own thoughts. We are supposed to be free yet I understand that if your mother is a Christian it would make it most difficult for her to think she will not see you in Heaven......