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A question for the guys: What qualities most impress you in a woman?

By kathy214
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gets popcorn and sharpens pitchfork


Depth. Intelligence. A little bit of crazy.

PraiseXenu Level 6 Apr 12, 2018

Intelligence and sense of humor.
Pretty/beautiful is great and all, but the few times i've tried dating someone who wasn't intellectual ish, at least in one or two areas, have ended reeeal quick.

I've actually been incredibly fortunate. I caught up with an old friend (20+ years) that i'd always had a crush on... but always thought she was out of my league. Never had the courage to ask her out.

Out of nowhere, she sees a Facebook post from me about where i'm going out and where my band is playing for the weekend. She messages me the Friday before Saint Patrick's Day. We have a couple drinks and talk. As she's getting ready to leave, i kinda casually tell her to message me if she'd like to grab dinner some time. The next night, she shows up at the gig i was playing. We've been together since. Weird how things just fall in to place sometimes smile001.gif

She's 3 inches taller than i am, beautiful, incredibly caring, same tastes in books and movies, she's a phenomenal singer, and she has this snarky, sharp sense of humor.

I'm incredibly happy.

I'm happy for you!


As I am married to a woman who doesn't drive a car, I find a driver's license impresses me a lot.

Otterpop Level 6 Apr 12, 2018

You should give her driving lessons! That would be sooo exciting!

@HeraTera Tried that. Didn't take. Since we got married, our son was conceived, gestated, born, went to daycare, preschool, elementary school, middle school, is now in high school, and he got his driver's license almost a year ago. . . So I give up. I made a bad choice and am stuck with it.

@Otterpop She needs one of those self-driving cars once they get the bugs worked out of them


Her ability to be herself. No putting on a show to impress others. Her ability to accept love from the heart, and her willingness to give it.

Holysocks Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

Intelligence is big, but I am also attracted to women who aren't easily intimidated.

JimG Level 8 Apr 12, 2018

@OnaM I lived in Colorado from 1990 until 1994.

@OnaM As many times as I've wanted to move to Colorado, I haven't because toxic masculinity seems as big there as in North Carolina. Sigh.

@OnaM Heard! Yet a woman with those qualities is supposed to be genuinely attracted to him and not a golddigger? That's the toxic masculinity I'm referring to. It's pie in the sky ego.

@hemingwaykitten, @OnaM

I'm sure there's someone around who's worthwhile. I have definitely seen what you're talking about, but I've seen some good guys too. I know you'll probably think at first that I don't see the same side of guys that women do, but they don't try to hide it from other men. Often they're proud of their ignorance.

@JimG Thank you for your viewpoint and encouragement. Here's my issue with the men you describe: if I was attracted to a man proud of his ignorance, I'd have been off the market long ago and committed to a gun totin Evangelical who wanted to keep me barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning for life while he sat on his ass and drank PBR's. No thanks!! I'm pretty good at articulating what I want, and men who pretend to be ignorant are abhorrent to me. It's a wonder all such men aren't living in their Mommy's basement.

Who aren't easily intimidated what what or whom?


I wouldn't say this is a quality that impresses me only in women, but I'd have to say honesty. That seems to be a quality that is in woefully short supply these days.


Quick of wit and fast of smile...if she's got that, the rest always seems to follow.


A mischievous twinkling in the eyes.

MikaB Level 5 Apr 12, 2018

Does sarcasm count?

@SweetHarp If it doesn't, I'm screwed and never dating again.


Intelligence, with a touch of disgust about things.


I like strong independent women.

josh23452 Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

Me too!

Whenever I hear this coming from a straight man's mouth I wonder if he's a leech looking for a Sugar Mama. Sorry, that's past experience talking, not about you personally.

@hemingwaykitten fair enough but ya see the thing is most women I encounter are looking for a sugar daddy..Now I make good money, own two cars and a house(at 28 I'd say I'm doing good)

My need for a sugar mamma isn't exactly dire..I say I want a strong independent woman because I'm looking for someone who can contribute to the relationship both financially and to help shoulder the responsibilities involved.

Keep in mind that first part isn't meant to encompass all women out there I know that what I've enounctered doesn't represent the entirety of the female population...Just with the areas I've lived in for the past few years the term "dependapotomus" is fairly accurate for quite a few.

@josh23452 I believe you and I know women wanting Sugar Daddies are a plague on this country. Have you considered your dream woman will probably make at most 78 cents to your dollar, so things won't ever be exactly equal?

@hemingwaykitten i don't require 50/50..I just require...Something one of my measures for a dateable woman is this..

If we go for dinner and a movie,I'll get dinner but it's nice if she gets the movie..Or even if it's just getting a cup of coffee..If the balance is 70/30, that's fine too but that 30 better be 100% of what you can do.

However it's not all about the finances and for that I'm gona tell you a story.

While I was in the Navy, one of the women I dated, we had been seeing each other for about a year and decided it was high time to get a place together...Unfortunately I had to go out to sea for a month and I asked my lady to look for some places,not just online but physically go out and look around for rental properties...

So while I'm at sea working 12 hours a day, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with the world's worst internet access, I would still find the time to look for places,talk to land lords and property owners, trying to find a suitable place...I get back and whilst talking to my lady I ask if she has found anything

She hadn't even looked...

Now it shouldn't of been possible for me to put more effort into that project..Not while I was where I was..Thats what I am talking about.

@josh23452 I get it. Good story. Why were you attracted to her? She comes off as lazy and not too bright. More importantly, why would you assume you'll find those negative qualities in most other women? It comes off a little hostile to women who are nothing like her.

@hemingwaykitten well at first we hit it off just fine and her laziness wasn't so apparent at first..

And I never said anything to the affect of lumping all women into that category I just said I like strong independent women and to further it I said I want a woman who can contribute to building the relationship and can help (at least in some way with the finances..

Again I never said anything assuming that was a quality in all women.

You make odd assumptions my friend...First I say I like strong,independent women you take that to mean I want a sugar mama. I explain why I want a strong,independent woman and you say I must be talking shit about all women.

@josh23452 Fair enough. You could try being open about that relationship though, because "strong and independent" can be taken many different ways by different people. Your story, however, makes it crystal clear what you DON'T WANT, and why. Just a thought.

@hemingwaykitten. True I can see how strong can be taken several ways but I would think independent is pretty straight forward not to mention easily distinguished.


Honesty, intelligence and empathy. I'm defitently a sapiosexual, lol, but without honesty don't even bother talking to me. Zero tolerance for liars (or thieves,) but I hold myself to the same standard.

I can't stand NASCAR, having grown up in North Carolina. Other than that, where do I apply??

@hemingwaykitten You voted for Bernie, as far as I'm concerned you already made the cut. smile009.gif



Hominid Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

Independence, mutual hate of drama, sence of adventure, willingness to try new stuff.


Boots... and a floppy hat.

9gello Level 4 Apr 13, 2018

Free spirit
Open minded

KDzo Level 4 Apr 12, 2018

Intelligence, confidence, humor, assertiveness, and sexual honesty the big five for me. Not necessary in that order.

arca2027 Level 6 Apr 12, 2018

Physical presence, intelligence, emotional stability


I love a woman you can have a good conversation with, can be herself, adventures etc.


I like when she shows interest in the topic I'm talking about. I like if she likes the food I cook for her. I like if she loves to read and can suggest me some. I like if she is spontaneous. I like if she smiles and kisses me when she sees me. I like when she is surprised and am always willing to try to surprise her. I like if she is encouraging but not pushy.


So I've read many of the responses posted here.... And I have to say this is BS. It may be true in part but if intelligence, honesty, humor and drive were all it took to catch the eye, why are there so many women looking for relationships? I am all those things. I've been looking for years. There are many women on this site, see a recent post @karenI discussing, basically, loneliness. Guys, you want us to be honest? You should be honest too.

moonmaid Level 8 Apr 13, 2018

She didn’t ask what qualities catch the eye, she asked what qualities impress you. Presumably in the context of Love, you’ve still gotta catch each other’s eye and have a mutual physical attraction before the more in depth qualities matter at all. Impressing someone without attracting them just makes us a good candidate for friendship. But I feel your pain. I’ve been pretty unlucky in love for whatever reasons despite having a lot of desirable qualities too. May we both find our match sooner than later.

@Wurlitzer yes, I know that was the original question. Mutual attraction was a given.


I enjoy exploring unexplored territories (literally and methaphorically), thus, I look for curioisty and spontaneity in women. Also, being well-informed and up-to-date are quite nice qualities as well. Open-mindedness is a given. smile001.gif Wit, confidence, and having a passion for their job are a big yes, too. Someone who can be very critical of me and will call me out on my bullshit.

tivesz Level 5 Apr 13, 2018

I'd be lieing if I said that looking across the room and being visually pleased isn't at least a wee bit important. I will, however, state that I've discovered that visually pleasing isn't nearly as important as what happens after the ice is broken, no matter how it is broken.

Meaning that coworkers, wait staff, etc, have the ice naturally broken and you might find yourself attracted to someone you'd otherwise NOT be attractede to because their personality comes through in a way you simply can't ignore.

So, for me? A strong woman. A woman who is reasonably intelligent (that doesn't have to mean a degree, just a willingness to learn things and to teach others what she's learned), so, patience and wisdom are good qualities.

But, no matter her strengths and weaknesses, it's how she puts them together and uses them. That ability can surmount all of the rest quickly. smile001.gif

Gnarloc Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

I will be very direct. I have found the most difficult thing to find in a woman is the ability for true intimacy. I am not talking about sex, true intimacy. They have shield their hearts because of past hurt and it has resulted in an inability for intimacy. Even if you get past the guards, once they feel true intimacy they recoil in fear. It is very sad because they deny happiness, to themselves, in this way. Your the ability to truly open their hearts to allow love in is the most impressive quality.

Just remember that true intimacy takes some time and lots of trust.

HippyChick58 is right, you know. How soon in a relationship do you expect "true intimacy" to arrive? The timeline on her end depends on how many men have abused her trust.

I don't imagine that men are better at true intimacy than women. Isn't true intimacy the thing that we desire most, but also fear at the same time? It takes vulnerability on both sides.

Thank you for these comments. But these comments are all based on the assumption that time brings people together. I do not believe that is what matters. I have waited for years for true intimacy to come forth. Many times it does not, in the rare occasion it happens on the first meeting. Any good counselor will tell you that time is not the key but progress. If there is a continuous progression, even if very gradual, toward it then it might be worth waiting for but there needs to be progress from the start. Otherwise it is like waiting on an alcoholic to get sober. AwarenessNow, you are so right it takes vulnerability, so I say submit to the universe from the start. But not many follow through.


Emotional Strength and Balance, Sense of Humor, Smarts, Compassion and Integrity.


The first thing I noticed is the eyes, second thing honesty.

Woodron Level 7 Apr 12, 2018
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