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I made a post the other day about how I'm having a hard time telling my husband that I have doubts about the faith. He's almost done with bible school and I really feel I should at least wait until he graduates, which is just a few weeks away. So today, he leaves to take an exam and on his way out the door he says, "pray for me." Now I feel bad because he thinks I'm praying for him and I'm not.

Update: I finally laid it all out and he took it a lot better than I thought. He even said that I donโ€™t have to be a Christian for us to be able to talk. I probably still wonโ€™t tell my friends for awhile but I have honesty in my marriage again. ๐Ÿ™‚

LisaRL26 4 Apr 13
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11 comments

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The only reason for my comment is to remind you not to judge yourself harshly during this (it can be easy to do so). These are my assumptions: You love your husband. You want to wait until he finishes because, no matter what he does (and this study is obviously important to him), you want to support him; that's normal. You don't want to derail his studies just because of your thoughts/beliefs, etc. You also feel bad because you you're not being honest with him and you know you have to be. You don't want to hurt him and you're trying to figure out the best time/way/place to do this, causing minimal hurt. You may also have a certain amount of fear for the future, not knowing how your relationship will play out once this all comes out. Love and conflicting thoughts like this end up in a soup of stomach-churning feelings that won't go away until it is out in the open and resolved.

He may listen and take on what you're saying. He may go into denial. He may also say that the devil is testing his commitment now that he is graduating (and may quote Job's story or similar to find understanding with his fellow believers). The longer you leave it and/or the heavier your first talk, the more he will feel betrayed. Remember that, contrary to popular thought, research has found that throwing lots of evidence/facts at someone doesn't change their mind but instead, solidifies what they already believe. It is better to find common grounds/goals and slowly work from there. That means that in this case, treating it like apologetics might not be the best idea. Go from the common ground that you love each other, that you want things to work out (if you do), and that you are having doubts. Any time the talk(s) becomes heated and defensive, try to go back to the common ground, leave it, come back later, and work from there.

These are just my thoughts. I hope it all works out well for you. Just being honest will bring some relief to your mind. Know that the community is here for you when you need it.

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Go for it. Tell him the truth and nothing but the truth. Kick emotions out the door.

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That's his problem, not yours.

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Feeling guilty means you still believe somewhere lol. Cuz what are you guilty of. If he said help me do this project and u promised but didn't, there is an actual thing which u said u wud do but u didn't and there is material harm. But if u really think that prayer is no more real than magic, then doing it or not doing it is 3xactly completely identical and u might not be doing it but actually be doing it bahahaha if that makes sense. So why the guilt?

Now that doesn't change the fact that to him it's very real lol and there will be a biig issue if ur gonna go in the swamp of details. It's already a big issue that ur with a believer and they never really are capable of rationalizing this

kng01 Level 5 Apr 13, 2018
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I am of the opinion that you shoudl always be honest even if it hurts, because th elonger the truth is witheld the more damage is done when the truth finally comes out.

I wonder if you are puttign off tellignhim to spare his feelings whiel he finishes his studies, or just avoid facign the inevitable conflict. Realistically it is probably a combination of both.

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Rocky road ahead. Be true to yourself.

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While you don't have to actually "pray", you can always think positive thoughts about him, and for him, and mentally float them in his general direction !
Hope your future discussions go ok ...

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I've read all the comments submitted so far, and I agree with them. It is time to have THE talk. It will not be easy, but, if you can't be honest with each other, you probably don't belong with each other.

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Hmm..maybe you'd better tell him BEFORE he finished Bible school. Someone just messaged me tonight that she'd be praying for me.

I thought a moment, then wrote back that I no longer believed in god, and briefly said why, and mentioned the Sumerian texts, etc. To my shock, she said she agreed with me, but that felt like something was good in the universe. I agreed, adding that I call it Source Energy, or my Higher Self, but there's no condemnation or hell.

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It's not easy, but it's important to discuss it NOW. The longer you put it off, the more miserable you will be.

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The most important thing in a relationship is honesty.

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