Here ya go. Works every time. Fuck a bunch of making beds.

Do not by microfiber sheets. Get high thread count 100% cotton with deep pockets.

Well dear readers, I couldn't lure her to the boudoir (did get the sheets on eventually after much struggle) but we had a long conversation. And OH NO, she is going to some spiritual, chanting yoga retreat on the weekend.

Now I got nothing against yoga and contorting your body into unnatural positions but the 'spiritual' part concerned me plus the location where it's to be held.

Byron Bay, on the coast in northern New South Wales ( a State in OZ, we only got 6 and a few territories) . Used to be a sleepy town but then the 'celebrities' bought up properties and now it's the most super cool and expensive town in OZ. It's so cool that people sit in the outdoor cafes, smoking a cannabis joint and pretending to read a philosophical book whilst watching people go by and making sure they get seen by the passers-by. In fact the town is shrouded by a cloud of marihuana smoke and you can get cheaply and happingly stoned just by passive smoke inhalation.

It's also the town where quasi-religious groups and psychic mediums hold their 'retreats' for which they charge very big bucks. It's an industry there. I'm sure you got places like that in the USA.

Now I don't decimate people's beliefs as long as they don't hurt anyone. If they find solace in harmless practices and got the money to blow, it's okay by me.

Anyway, got to go and practise my chanting.

Go to her place

safety pins?

Just call down to the front desk to get a maid service up to your room. And tip them generously.

You need fitted sheets one size bigger than what you have there. Use flat sheets on the mattress and fold down the corners ( military style) If you do the seducing with passion and tenderness, nobody willl notice

Never had that problem with fitted sheets my brother. Good luck on your dating her...lol. whatever happens, you made an improvement .

In Bed Bath and Beyond and WalMart they sell elastic straps with clips on each end. They are adjustible. You can clip the corners of the sheets around under the mattress and back to the sheet. This keeps the bottom sheet tight and smooth.

Sheet straps. You attach them to hold the corners on.
Sounds like your fitted sheet might not be large enough for your mattress.

I can't wait to hear what happens when you have to fold the fitted sheet.

Dear readers thanks for your helpful advice. The diagonal method is definitely the way to go. Bluetack and even SuperGlue definitely don't work.

This sounds like a tongue in cheek rant..... hahaha
I refuse to take this as a serious plea for help....

Put on opposite corners, make sure the elastic is well tucked Under the mattress, not just hooked over the side

Bed bugs are a nightmare. Because of my heinous neighbor I ended up with them. Get sprayed, get a bed protector and sprinkle some Diatomaceous Earth around the baseboards, under the sheet, around the bed, wall cracks. Hit every baseboard in everyroom. You don't need a lot of this powder, but it works like a miracle.

Get her drunk enough to fall asleep on the couch, she'll think it's romantic if you have worn her out first !!!

I hope that none of my future dates agree with you that there is no reason to change sheets without a woman to impress.

You have bedbugs? Ew. I would buy the right sized sheets.

That's easy compared to putting a comforter cover on a comforter. Those are good evidence for the Devil.

I seriously thought this was a joke...

Get a bigger sheet

ISame thing here. I gave up on fitted sheets. I've tried safety pins as a quick fix. Those are dangerous. If you turn around in bed and it dislodges, the pin could fly off, landing, pin side out, anywhere.

What I do is get some comforters that are larger than the mattress, and layer them on it. When I know no one will be coming by, I save time by just sleeping on the mattress alone.

Now, the obvious question is this: if you live in Oz, why not just have the Wizard fix it?

Absolutely nothing wrong with using two flat sheets, one tucked under the mattress and one over. Sheets are made with a depth of mattress in mind, and yours may be too thick for the sheet. I know, that's aggravating.

That's easy.
If you own a needle, thread, and piece of elastic (you can borrow both from a woman, or buy one of those tiny sewing travel kits they sell at most stores) you can add a loop to one or more of the sheet corners, to anchor it while pulling the sheet to fit over the other corners.

An easier solution, If you can find them; there are sheet straps you can clip onto the sheet corners to anchor it under the mattress.

Get some safety pins like you use with nappies and pin each corner underneath. I've never had that problem myself but common sense after laughing my socks off got me thinking about that idea. so you live on scummy sheets unless you may get women in bed? this isn't a joke, is it? get in the sink and have a very small bath while you're at it.