Kids suffer from Stockholm syndrome making them very defensive of their abusers and seemingly well behaved kids.
That loyalty exists into adulthood and when alone and stoned they’ll curse God for not defending them from YOU DAD!!
Then the next morning you pretend you never did or said or thought any of it because no one loves me like you Dad.
Then decades later he dies leaving you with only a few of the shallowest issues resolved. At first it’s somehow a relief, then comes waves of anger and horror at the magnitude of your ordeal.
How much of Christianity do I hate because of his hypocrisy and how much because of the absurdity of Christianity?
I see my tormentor in every white Supremacist racist overly religious right wing anti intellectual spiritually arrogant child abusing Rush Limbaugh loving animal abusing red neck I’m cursed to be aware of because the entire community colluded in silence or enthusiastic encouragement.
Fuck them all and especially YOU DAD!
So I guess what I’m trying to say is you aren’t alone but I thought I was too Tim.