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A silly question and a clever answer with tongue in cheek 😆

Q: What is behind the German hatred towards the UK?
A: We hate the Brits. I mean, we seriously do. Let me tell you about the ten ways we absolutely loathe you... read on:

  1. You send your drunk youth for stag nights in Berlin wearing human penis costumes. You then clog up the queue at Berghain to be rejected without fail.

  2. You don’t learn other languages. This angers us Germans, as the only country we can go to without extra language skills is Austria and a handful of cities with border crossings.

  3. You are funnier than us. This is a rather big problem, as we would like to be funny. Sadly we never win any prizes for our comedies, but we can’t tell whether it’s the script or the fact that we still use Til Schweiger as our only decent actor who’s not gone to Hollywood.

  4. You did Brexit. By nature, we Germans dislike irrational decisions, so we are positively offended by this act of irresponsible self-harm. It makes us leer at you in our common holiday destinations with suspicion, because we are no longer sure you might not suddenly explode yourselves with sticks of dynamite in the name of Her Majesty, the Queen.

  5. You are friendly when we enter your establishments. For Germans, this is disconcerting. You might be up to something. Otherwise you would openly wear your disdain for the fact that you have to work on your face. Clearly you must be fake.

  6. We hate your music! We hate it so much we tried buying the entire supply. But since we are Germans and hate things digital, we haven’t realised that there is no longer a finite amount of British music we can save the world from.

  7. You claim Football. We are clearly The Football Nation, proven by the fact that we win more than you do.

  8. We think your mannerisms are silly. Which is why we love to all watch one specific single British show each new year’s eve. We also watch more Monty Python and Mr. Bean than anyone else IN THE WORLD. We believe these to be documentaries.

  9. You are very rude when you come here. First, you don’t speak the language perfectly on arrival (this is a giant faux pas in Germany), then you think you can make up for it with a cute accent and a friendly smile. And by the end of it, you sit in our homes drinking beer and cracking jokes, without any formal invitation. We don’t know how you do it, but we’d like the recipe.

  10. You ask silly questions. Why would anyone hate you? Truth, you are sometimes ignorant, neocolonial and rather awkward, but really, we consider these forgivable traits for keeping Marmite out of Europe and making us feel comparatively better about our local politicians.

Just remember to smile when you come over, and keep that cute accent. We do like it.

EDIT 1: This completely blew up! Thanks everyone for voting, it’s definitely made my day! As both an Anglophile and Europhile, I’m happy we can still laugh together. 🇬🇧🇩🇪

EDIT 2: Stop mentioning this Henning Wehn guy. Nobody over here knows who he is. We consider sense of humour a terrible affliction and exile all who have it to desolate islands and then forget about them. I was only allowed back because I could credibly swear that Würstchen mit Sauerkraut is superior to bangers and mash.

(And honestly if you’re called Henning in Germany you’re probably better off leaving the country. 😜)

Ryo1 8 Sep 25
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