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I'm seriously struggling with my gender identity. I never thought it would impact me this much to ask the question...but I did and now I just hate myself and how much work I've put into myself to look feminine. I know that even on here people think it's stupid, but it's huge. When your society is separated into 2 groups and you don't fit into either, it's so isolating. I feel like a fraud. I feel strange every time I get dressed. I have panic attacks when I think about using public bathrooms. I don't want to a people to change my pronoun because I know those arguments and my soul isn't strong enough for them right now. I just feel like I should be able ignore this but I'm failing and I'm spiraling.

Peeves 6 Apr 27
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9 comments

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0

One day you will die, and in your last instants you do not want to think "I have wasted so much time thinking about my little person and whether to turn left or to turn right in front of the loo doors instead of enjoying the world and all it has to offer!" . I suggest you spend more time discovering, if you have not already, Beethoven or Dizzy Gillespie, Fra Angelico or Kandinsky, Moroccan cuisine or that of Vietnam instead of dwelling on the alleged dilemma of which lavatory to go for! Anything but think of yourself!
Also, I suggest you watch this: It will help you put your problems in perspective...
[bbc.co.uk]

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I know what you mean. Partially. I don't have any panic attacks, but I have trouble thinking because I'm wondering what I am. When I get dressed I see my breasts and get annoyed, I don't hate that I have them. But I don't think I need them. People seem to want me to wear dresses, and make up, and do 'feminine things but I just don't care about any of it. It's not that I want to be a guy. I actually get upset when I'm mistaken for a male... But being female and when people see me as such... sometimes it makes me feel vulnerable and like they underestimate me. Especially with my interests in gaming and computers... it almost feels that I HAVE TO be a guy to fit in right. Whenever I play games and they learn I'm a girl and I do something they think is 'girly' it makes me feel ashamed of what I am... like I shouldn't be there. I feel like an idiot for doing something 'girly'.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a girl or a guy. Maybe things would be easier. Make more sense. But I don't know... I just know being a 'masculine' girl is always second guessed and judged to the point where I just hate BEING a girl... I hope I was able to help you in some way. It's not really the same as what you're going through, but I sort of understand. A little.

It did! You put my anxiety into words and it makes sense... it's a weird concept but it really is that nagging thing in the back of my head that's always been there.

Cha, I hope you'll read the comments below, too, and find them useful. It really all comes down to 'love yourself as you are' and that's what makes the world a good place.

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Not much help. The area in which I live has gender neutral bathrooms, things are less black and white, people are mostly just accepted as people. Try and ignore others, be you.
The problem is actually in others, humans have this thing about self and other. Rejecting anyone who is different in any way. I am amazed that men and women have not had a great sex war each seeing the other as the enemy. But then I guess men have pretty much enslaved women in most cultures for centuries. Go back in time 30 years and my home would be raided frequently as a den of deviants simply because our friends and family are spread all across the gender spectrum.

1

Peeves, the organic world is rich in diversity. Humans come along and do two things: 1. try to control it so that it fits their narrow, self-serving definitions OR 2. get creative and expansive with their thoughts, allow for diversity in themselves and others.
If you give in to defeat and refuse to carve out a path forward for yourself, you are essentially accepting definition 1 and that SUCKS. UGH! Don't do that. Instead, decide to embrace yourself as you are, be the person you are meant to be, create your life as you go along, be your own best friend and keep posting here because you've got the start of a nice support system already here: NormCastle, thislife, IamNobody, RavenCT and me, too! Also, if there's no group already for gender identity, consider starting one. If you do and you invite me to join, I will be happy to! Hugs to you, Peeves. Please keep posting how you're doing. People care.

I think ill do that! Thank you.

I did it 🙂

@Peeves well then, I consider myself invited!

@Peeves you already have group members and more will come! Happy for you!

1
    Make a choice. Thousands of others had to do the same. They went true the deep forest wich live is. Life is not a walk true a field with only flowers, for no one. Stand for yourself and who you are. 
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Does the people who judge pay your bills or take care of you????...I bet the answer is no. So why do you even bother or worry about anybody else but you? Do your thing and enjoy yourself. At the end of the day, we all came alone to this world and will depart alone as well. Chances are, nobody cares and most of those issues probably exist only in your head..... Hope this helps. Hold your head up and carry on

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It's not stupid.
There is still tons of prejudice out there.

Are you getting any therapy for the anxiety issues?

Also I'm all for coming up with a pronoun that doesn't state gender. 😉

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I don't think it's stupid at all!

3

well first, religion is the villain, not you...when they set out their standard but marriage and giving birth to new tithe payers they ignored history...YOU ARE FINE...and the first thing you need to do is lose the guilt and listen to yourself..YOU are the person to determine your gender, not me, not religious leaders, not anything or anyone...YOU, take pride in who you are and live it...as far back as the Native Americans we slaughtered, we know they recognized 3rd genders and they were treated with more respect than the other two...Queen Victoria is mainly responsible for our fucked up standards of gender, she recognized male homosexuality for example but NEVER acknowledged lesbianism...from such a screwed up start, is no wonder you are confused and those around you moreso...YOU ARE FINE, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, AND YOU ARE BLESSED.

Well said!

wow, NICE!

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