Which day do I want to ruin? I just found out that my husband's headstone was set at the cemetery this morning. I can go look at it now and spend the rest of the day crying in the recliner but getting it out of my system all by myself. Or I can go see it tomorrow on my way to a meeting, which may or may not keep me from crying like I would today. Any and all advice appreciated. EDIT: Had to go pick up my granddaughter after school because her parents don't seem to give two shits about her, so after I picked her up I bit the bullet and went. And I was good with it. Very few tears and just happy to see that he finally has a monument. Thank you one and all.
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It took me years to get over my mom's death.
Sarahroo29
Level 8
Apr 27, 2018
0
@ProudMerry I was 18 when my mom died.
@ProudMerry Awe. I'm sorry to hear that.
moments like this...I wish we had the "sad face" like Facebook because I don't have words of comfort...but I wanted to acknowledge your pain was heard....
SkotlandSkye
Level 8
Apr 27, 2018
0
My suggestion, when alone, lie down, and bring your grief to the surface,
Ball your eyes out. Nothing wrong with it. We have a period of mourning for a reason.
Nothing wrong with allowing yourself to grieve and fully experience your loss.
After this passes things get easier.
Rugglesby
Level 8
Apr 27, 2018
0
Recently widowed Social Worker here. Grieving is a mother f er. Be kind to yourself and just do whatever you need to each day. My moods and needs can change hourly. Big hugs to you!
Untamedshrew
Level 7
Apr 27, 2018
0
We have too many insightful and intelligent people on this site and they've literally said everything I was going to say. Please know we're here and supportive. Take care.
kmdskit3
Level 8
Apr 27, 2018
0
@ProudMerry Ain't that the way it goes...
Good for you, don't repress those emotions, express them.
MacTavish
Level 7
Apr 27, 2018
0
@ProudMerry Do what you need to avoid those triggers. Sooner or later someone will get offended and make you out to be the villain. Never mind them and protect yourself, remember no one can take care of you like you can.
It may be hard at times and some people will never understand even though you explained your actions numerous times. It seems some can not grasp the concept so I simply tell them that I am protecting myself, that's all they need to know. I have an older brother who behaves like your Aunt Lill, he says thing to get a reaction from you sort of like a chimpanzee throwing shit at people. He once told me that our youngest brother was his favorite, he's just a dick. When he and his wife show up I go into self protect mode ignoring his statements and showing no reaction. We don't speak much anymore, I view that as his fault because he's missing out on a wonderful person in myself.
I will do what I think is necessary to protect myself. Remember, no one can make you feel anything. It's your choice in how you feel, it's very empowering and some people don't know how to act when you don't react like they want.
My aunt said this to me about grief a few years after my uncle had died. "Nobody should tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve." That really stuck with me.
Do what you want when you want. You can go today, but you don't have to. You can go tomorrow, but you don't have to. Do what feels right to you.
vita
Level 7
Apr 27, 2018
2
Enjoy being online again!
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