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More adult children are cutting off their parents from their lives. This is not a science article. It is a decent read on possibly why. In my personal life, my two sons haven't talked with their mother for nearly a decade. I haven't either, but for separate reasons.


Beowulfsfriend 9 Sep 18

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I think the researcher missed a variety of major reasons:

  1. Rebellion on the part of the child.
  2. Mental/behavioral illness on the part of the child.
  3. Desire to emulate a friend who is estranged.
  4. Seeking to behave in a manner that pleases or placates the divorced parent.

If anything, it is telling that the researcher didn't include any reasons where the child is responsible for the estrangement. I'd even go so far as to suggest the researcher is guilty of one or more of the reasons I've listed, but hasn't developed the maturity to face their own responsibility.

Those are possibilities which is why I stated it's not science.


I'm all for people setting healthy boundaries and distancing themselves from their parent(s) whenever and for as long as they think it's necessary. I recently connected with a childhood friend who is regulary in touch with my brother and thereby knows that my father and I have been estranged for many years. This childhood friend is a Christian in the funeral business so I get..."but he's your dad", "don't let the devil have his way", "life is too short, fix it now before it's too late". Every time we talk, he asks if I've reached out to my dad who is aging and in poor health. On one hand, I appreciate that he doesn't want me to have any regrets if/when my father dies without us having reconciled. (I'm pretty sure I won't, but we'll see when it happens.) And on the other hand, he is way out of line. Whatever he thinks he knows about my situation, he learned it from my brother, not from me or my dad. Looks like I will be setting boundaries with him as well.


I left the house I was raised in when I was 20. It was not my intent to but the vacation I took became permanent because I simply felt at home in Seattle. At home like I never felt in NJ.
The distance enabled me to eventually see the narcissistic nature of my mother and her approach to child rearing which was divide and conquer.
I never felt sad or guilty about this revelation. The truth will indeed set you free.
Sadly my Dad did not really understand and my twin totally resented me leaving - not cause she liked me and wanted to be around me but because me not be there meant she could not blame me for why she was miserable. Ah, yes dysfunctional family life, fun times.🤣
The advent of family counseling has helped many, too bad so many who need it don't get some.


I haven't heard from my oldest son for six years. I know he is homeless in California, but nothing beyond that. While it might be a rejection, I think it based more on embarrassment over his situation. He has not contacted his brother, as well.

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