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8 6

Forgiveness.

Jolanta 9 Jan 2
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2

Level 8

OK, I’ll start practicing this:
I hereby forgive you for posting this twice…

You are ever so nice. Thank you.
0

Level 8

Think of it this way; imagine that you are really angry with someone, especially, someone who resides far away from you. Do you think for even one moment that that person is going to feel your anger? No, you are the one who experiences your anger.

I used to facilitate anger management groups in a maximum security prison. I used to tell them holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It hurts you, not them.

I think it is a matter of forgiving yourself for getting into that kind of situation and knowing that if it ever happens again you will know what to do to protect yourself.
2

Level 9

We should all find forgiveness. With that said let me explain that I'm not going to be in that court room telling the murderer of my loved one that I forgive him. Never gonna happen. Instead I might say that I really wish their was a hell so that scumbag could rot in it. People in my area know who murdered my grandson. Lots of bad feelings there to this day even if it was a dope dealing involvement. (Long story) That sumebitch killer don't know me but I'm the main reason he is still alive today. I felt that plotters against him would be caught and I would lose more loved ones. My daughter was going to meet him one day and she was carrying a gun. The killer never showed up.

I hear you. I have a friend whose daughter was raped a few years ago. The rapist was an immigrant and he was immediately deported - end of story. Is my friend supposed to forgive the rapist? She finds it impossible. I think that people, especially those who don't know what it is like to have extreme rage against someone, talk about forgivenss rather lightly.

3

Level 9

Sure, if you let resentments fester inside you in such a way that it affects your life. But if someone wrongs you in a meaningful way, I never forget who did it, but I don't spend one iota of my existence ruminating about it, zero preoccupation whatsoever, I Iive my life exactly as I wish, don't care if others agree or not with the way I live or how and why I choose to exist, this has proven to give me a pretty unstressful and pleasant day to day in sunny Floriduh. Ergo, the issue of forgiveness to help myself is very alien to me, since my life is as close to perfect as I've always desired it to be.

5

Level 8

I agree up to a point.

I can forgive someone who is sorry for their actions or dead, but those who are defiant about not being sorry at all, well, I just block them from my life as much as possible. Don't need that drama.

Hardest person to forgive is myself sometimes, even when I'm truly sorry for what I've done.

Stupidest thing I do is forgive people who prove again and again they will just continue to cause harm, because I like to believe the best in people. Can't let go of the past, if I keep letting the same bad stuff happen. Best I can do is understand why they act that way, but keep my distance.

So, I said all that to say this: Forgiving is sometimes a healthy thing to do, but there are times when we simply have to cut people out of our lives FOR our health and happiness.

But forgiving doesn't mean you have to maintain relationships. It means you aren't going to ruminate on what they did any longer and let it have control over you. You can forgive someone and still not have a relationship with them so that the things they do don't affect your life.

@JonnaBononna I see it a little bit differently. I don't ruminate over it, but some things I can't let slide. To me, that would be disrespecting myself. It's all just a matter of how we understand the words, and no 2 scenarios are exactly the same. There are some gray areas for sure - and some things, in my opinion, should just be left to rot to act as fertilizer, making us stronger and more robust for the experience.

3

Level 8

I must admit I forgive selectively. I've gotta be honest.

Ryo1 Level 8 Jan 3, 2023
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Well, I guess that you have got to have something to hang on to..LOL

@ASTRALMAX There aren't many people who have made me so mad that I can't forgive them, and even if I find it hard to forgive them, I can't hold anger against them all the time - I'm too lazy. However, I do enjoy murdering them in my head from time to time, and I find it rather liberating. Lol

1

Level 8

I liberated myself from it by living in the now. I'm taking the advice of Boston and not looking back. Everyone automatically gets forgiven when one allows them to slip away.

3

Level 8

"The naive neither forgive nor forget. The foolish forgive and forget. The wise forgive but never forget." Thomas Szasz

I guess I'm somewhere between naive and wise.
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