From the Stuff You Could Not Make Up Files

WORLD NEWS AND COMMENTARY - from Jeff Childers

'Well, they say the law evolves, and this new defense is a terrific example of the magnificent progress of the law as the universe bends toward justice. The Daily Mail UK ran a story a couple weeks ago headlined, “Trans Woman Is Cleared of Flashing Her Penis at Ohio YMCA After Judge Ruled She’s Too FAT for Her Genitals to Be Visible.”

Haha, “her penis.” Hers. They’re killing me. It hurts so much to laugh this hard.

Darren Glines, aka “Rachel,” aka Jabba the Hut, was charged by police with three counts of indecent exposure at a YMCA in Xenia, Ohio, by throwing his weight around the YMCA girl’s locker room, naked, in front of young girls, bending over to pick up his dropped towel. Over and over.

Do not try to imagine the scene. I warned you.
Darren is intact, maybe more than intact, but what I mean to say is, he has not had any gender surgeries. He is ‘au naturel,’ as the French would say.
Unfortunate YMCA employee Kateisha Young testified at Darren’s trial. She told the court that she was forced to get a restraining order against Darren after he sexually assaulted her. (With respect for the suffering of the parties, the pronouns in the Daily Mail article are hilariously all mixed up.) Kateisha testified that Darren had grabbed her by the genitals while the two were at a local coffee shop. After the assault, up until she got the restraining order against him, Darren would come by the YMCA and hang around whenever Kateisha was working.

Despite the credible sexual assault claim, the judge still ultimately found Darren WAS not guilty of indecent exposure. The judge’s reasoning is somewhat unique. He found Darren not guilty of exposing himself to the girls because Darren’s lawyers successfully argued that his disgusting, hanging fat rolls fully covered his genitals, like a floppy skin suit.
Darren can barely find the little guy himself.

Judge David McNamee admitted that “there is no question that Glines was in the women’s locker room.” But, the judge explained, “Quite simply, the facts do not exist to support a finding of guilt, as charges. Glines’ genitalia was not visible as a result of other portions of [his] body covering same.” (The judge said ‘her.’ I edited it for accuracy.)
Mr. Glines’ lawyer must have been very persuasive. Presumably, Darren did not actually demonstrate his skin suit’s cloaking features for the judge ‘in vivo,’ as it were. But apparently, the parts that were visible were enough to satisfy everyone that the morbidly obese Defendant had ample body parts laying around to cover up wee willie.

So there you have it: sex offenders’ newest defense. Five years ago, Darren would have been on the sex offender registry at this point in the story. Nowadays, he’s just as much of a victim as are his actual victims. He’s a victim of odious discrimination, a victim of a fat-phobic, trans-phobic, just-plain-phobic society that deliberately misunderstands specially-sized people who were unfortunately also trapped in the wrong bodies by the improvident Hand of Fate.
Or … maybe Darren is just another overweight, unattractive, cross-dressing Peeping Tom, who’s taking advantage of trans mania to get his kicks in by ogling women and girls in the changing room at the Y. Which one do YOU think it could be?'