.Cop: "Is there a reason you were speeding today, sir?" Farmer: "Yes officer, it is very important that I am not late for getting to the fields today.." Cop: "What is it that you do that is so important?" Farmer: "I am a rectum stretcher." Cop, a little interested in what the man just told him: "What in the Hell does a rectum stretcher do!?" Farmer: "Well I start with just one finger then stretch until I can fit a few more. Then, I continue stretching it until a can get my whole hand in there and then I keep going so it is a foot tall, then 2 feet and so on until I finally get it to about 6 feet tall." Cop, now completely baffled by the man: "What the fuck would you do with a six foot tall asshole!?" Farmer: "I would give him a radar gun and stick him by the road so he can make people even more late for work."