I do feel the same way. For me I would rather start out as friends and see where it goes. It takes time to really know someone.

Chemistry for me. Without chemistry all that other shit doesn't matter.

I think calling these expectations "deal breakers" would fairly characterize the intent I've usually heard behind those sorts of comments. Any absolute requirements that come out up front can save time and spare feelings. You're under no obligation to have a list ready though.

I've never had a man/boyfriend love me. I don't want one to now. It will never happen anyway. Not for me. Oh well. I'm happier single and I don't want to pay for a bf's shit anymore.

For me I do try to find out expectations before meeting. By expectations I mean are they looking to actually date? Or just looking for a hookup or a FWB situation.

I've had a few (what I thought were) really good dates, only to find out later they just wanted a FWB.

I disagree. I think dating is the wrong approach. It pushes the 'relationship' in a definite direction too soon, before both people have gotten to know each other outside of a romantic context.

I think friendships are the best way to start.

Expectations.
Not really.

I think expectations are important EVENTUALLY. Like if you want some permanence.

That sounds like a terrible first date.
Me: Now that we've ordered coffee, I have a list of expectations.

1. Nudity by the third date.
2. We will vote for the same candidates by the third year of our relationship.
3. Unless specifically bargained away, this will be an open sexual relationship.
4. No cats.
5. Cowboys, not Texans.
6. Aggies, not t.u.
7. Aggies and Cowboys are nonnegotiable TV.
8. I watch cartoons.
9. Sex, no less than 10 times a month.
10. No hair bands.

...but if they're not looking for a serious relationship and you are, then you are banking on them changing their mind and expecting them to want to put themselves in a position to want fall in love with you. It goes against everything they're thinking. You are saying you want a relationship and if it will be it will be with them, but their mindset is in a totally different place. I guess if it's really meant to be then it's meant to be regardless, but I think there's less of a probability of getting what you want that way. I think that way is just ASKING for not getting what you want. I know a lot of people say, "it just happened", but I would bet the majority of people who are in relationships actually wanted to be in relationships.

So you're not only walking uphill with finding someone who you can mesh with, but you're also attaching a boulder to your back in thinking someone who doesn't want a relationship is going to change their mind because that person is just so right and wonderful for them. From my experience, people who aren't looking for relationships aren't focusing on you. You being "right for them" might actually push them away even more because their mind set is to explore. They can't do that if they're "stuck" with you. They want to date a lot of people, experience different events, have sex with more than 1 person, and a number of other things. If they go against what they were thinking and they stay with you, they might even resent you for it after a while.

To each their own though.

Unless I completely misunderstood or misread what you meant lol

I havent been on a wild flurry of dates but all I expect at first contact is a conversation and respect

I used to feel like that but I have learned not to have expectations about anything. It took some learning but you avoid disappointment and are open to surprises. Sure you can set boundaries up front but avoiding pitfalls of hope and expectations is far easier than being attached to an idea about how something is going to be or what I hope for. Anyway...my two cents.

The thing is, even when I do set parameters, when I meet them they almost always try to change them. I once met a man for dinner and told him on the phone that it was dinner only. We meet, and throughout the dinner he is trying to convince me to go to the motel down the street to have sex with him, which I always replied "no". When I get up to leave, he grabs my boobs, and kissed me, telling me he just couldn't resist. Needless to say, I never talked or saw him again.

I think of it as boundaries. I have boundaries about sex, how fast I’m willing to move in a relationship, about my time/space alone(I need a lot).
Everyone is so different in what they expect once dating starts or is imminent: I had one man start calling me his wife?...bit disturbing, that!
Honesty and open communication is best, imo. Make sure you’re on the same page. Sooner the better. That still leaves room to see what develops over time.

No kids now or ever is my ground rule and it typically keeps me nice and alone.