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My two cents: I don’t normally spend much time reading bios. Once I get to the point where I feel like I’m starting to know someone is generally when I go look. But lately I’ve looked at several and in almost every case it was because someone mentioned loneliness or not being able to find love or something along those lines. I’m not looking for anyone myself, but I am curious, so I look at that bio. Most of the ones I’ve looked at lately, have at least one or two things that restricts the pool of potential mates, and it usually has to do with appearances…must be between the ages of x and y (which often excludes the very age of the poster), or must be height/weight proportional (often required by someone who isn’t), or some such thing. I can understand things like not wanting anyone with say, substance abuse or anger problems and things of that nature, but I’m thinking folks might be more successful if they remove the restrictions regarding appearance.

ProudMerry 7 May 10
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17 comments

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0

I used to see this on dating sites a lot. Women had a laundry list of what you can/can't be and yet they were nothing special. I'm thinking Really? Just move on, I guess.

4

Yes, we older women with goddess figures have to compete with younger, skinny women for men in our own age group. That's fine. No competition. I'm not into shallow men.

Deb57 Level 8 May 10, 2018

that says it all, nice and succinct.

I don't associate with women much below 40 unless it's strictly business. I'm more interested in communicating with a woman over a cup of coffee. Do you like you're coffee decaf?

Physical attraction is just part of the package that makes us attracted to someone. That is the way it has always worked, and the way it will continue to work. It is only shallow if it is your only criteria. ☺

1

I don't believe in mail order brides so my bio mentions only about me. I don't wish or pray about my next witness to my life. I let life and romance to surprise me. I will accept her as she is.

1

Really astute post.
I've often wondered if on-line dating is the last resort of desperate people.

1

There's a song for everything.

1

My bio says nothing of the kind.

@ProudMerry no

@ProudMerry I knew it was.

0

I don't write anything with any other intent than saying hello.
You read nothing from me I wouldn't say in person.
I do like that various question responses are included ( unless you disable it I guess) as it gives a feel for someone s sense of humor or thought processes.
But then I'm not really " looking to date"....only meet like minded folks.
If something cliks from there, so be it....if not, so be it.
For me this is just another online group in that respect.

2

I think a lot of people (particularly older people) are wary of potential mates older than they are because it reminds them that they, too, are getting older. I've seen lots of women's profiles on dating sites that really restrict that upper age limit. Granted, I'm only looking at women's profiles, and in the range of 40 and up, but that's my take on it.

@ProudMerry I don't care what age they are or what they look like, if they listen to Rush Limbaugh, I'm out!

You also have to consider at a certain age threshold, health considerations are a factor.
I will always have with me the caregiver history but would hope if there's a next time at least there's a level playing field. The ability to nurture is something I watch out for when taking note of someone, but it's not in my profile. There are details I'm keeping under my hat so as not to tip off so they can't be amended just to show off.

I'll do my level best to figure that out before going further.

Otoh have the dirty "scram if this describes you" list on mine and have received nasty msgs over it. TFB! Don't you want to know what are the recipes for getting into a losing situation with me? Those are DEALBREAKERS. And if you(global) conceal them, you've your own self to blame if it turns into Nagasaki down the road, because I was honest from the very beginning.

I'm not as narrow minded about body type as I was younger. I can deal with a little bit of "floof", hell I have it. While athletes are of course typically attractive bodywise. I actually would be reluctant to be with one of those these days. That's not to say I'm a total slug, but I'm not going jogging or mountain climbing with you. Sorry.

4

I totally agree unless the age difference is ridiculous. I have a very lonely girlfriend who has been waiting for her Prince Charming for years, and I suspect she'll still be waiting when death knocks at her door. Her requirements are all physical, such as must be 6 feet minimum, blue eyes, dark hair, cowboy...you get the picture. She is probably missing out on some quality men but that's her choice.

Ugh@!!! That's so sad!

Yep, that's way way too narrow.

6

You know, men are very visual when it comes to sexual attraction and while they don't all like the same thing (some men go for BBW's and some like a very tiny or thin physique), most of them are initially attracted to people that fall within a fairly conventional range of proportionate height and weight. Gay men can be even more selective in that regard. People who get to know each other in course of daily life face-to-face may develop attractions that would never have happened based on an internet profile or a photo, but when you're trying to decide if you're interested in someone online, I'd say for most men it's the photos and for a lot of women it is a combination of photos and also some of the things in the profile and how well they express themselves there. But in the end, it tends to be pretty superficial to begin with. I don't know that I'm cut out for this business of online dating. I prefer to get to know men in non-dating situations and decide if I'm attracted or not to them and what I think of their personalities and character before investing any real emotional energy into trying to develop a relationship. The hook-up culture is foreign to me. I'm superficial in my own way, maybe not so much on the physique side of things but there are definitely things that do not appeal to me on first glance and if that makes me shallow then so be it. That's how it is with online dating. It's superficial almost by definition. We like what we like. I don't want to waste anyone's time if there's no cheese down that hole.

I like to respond to profiles if there is something there that makes me think the man might have interests similar to mine so we can have a conversation about it. I have many hobbies and diverse interests and I like to connect over those first. I'm much more open to a man who will engage with me on that level even if the profile photo isn't initially appealing. I find most men do a shit job with their profile pictures and are better-looking in RL.

3

yes

6

Having an age limit restriction makes sense to me. I guess if you only want a hook-up it might not matter as much but as I get into a better emotional state I have a hard time imagining being in any kind of long term relationship with a woman who isn't at least 30. Also politics. If someone was a hardcore GOP/libertarian/Ayn Rander/tRumpite I'd be telling them to get away from me anyway; and probably not very politely either. Also I'm guessing most of us on this site would want to avoid the overly religious although I expect ain't too many of them here. 🙂

@ProudMerry I'm 55 so, while possible, I find that highly unlikely.

YAS! I love being able to type GAWD and JFC! on here without offending my other "wound up community"! It's beautiful! 😀

5

I agree with your points. I've always felt that someone should be able to deliver what they seek ! If they want "fit, slim, and healthy" - be that. Or if one thinks they need someone much younger - be exceptionally youthful for your own age. I mean ... c'mon ! No one should have to fill in the traits for someone who hasn't bothered to maintain those same traits in themselves.

I agree. I tend to date younger men because most men my age are old. I am very youthful (active and not stodgy) for my age. But my profile is open to men older. I just have a hard time finding them that don't act like my father. I'd love to find a man my age that can keep up with me and not dislike something just because it's young or new,

@tryingcake My experience too ! Historically, when I was in my 20's, I dated older men - sometimes much older. Then somewhere in my 30's it all shifted. I found myself attracting, and being compatible with younger men - as much as 19yrs. Not a conscious choice - just seems to be those that "fit". Like you , I'm very active. I'm also out there in some ways - I need flexible minds, fit bodies , and those willing to play ! Not saying that doesn't exist in men my age - but I've yet to meet one ...

4

That reminds me of a conversation I had recently with a guy in his early 60's. He's been single for about a decade and he was complaining that he's lonely. I asked if he had tried any dating sites. He replies "do you have any idea what girls my age look like on dating websites?!?!" Well guy, that attitude might be your problem.

9

I’ll keep my age limit. Dating someone the same age or older than my mother seems disturbing.

3

Lots of self-sabotage happening. Whether it's realized or not. Mostly not.

@ProudMerry In my experience, those who self-sabotage, generally feel unworthy. There is usually some self-loathing involved, and they really just don't feel "good enough" for a relationship. So, they pepper their profiles with things that are usually repellent to the very people they are trying to attract. It's a vicious cycle.

@ProudMerry I've always said that a little therapy would greatly benefit the majority of the population. Everyone can use a little help sometimes.

The worst thing you can sound is needy and insecure in a profile. For realz.

@KKGator And those people are GENERALLY not relationship worthy. I've dated people who are self-loathing. Nope - not happening again.

@tryingcake Which is why I said most people could benefit from some therapy. Self-loathing can be overcome.

@KKGator But on their own time. They have to love themselves before finding an appropriate partner, generally speaking.

@ProudMerry I think it's like the old Supreme Court definition of Porn. You may not be able to define it but you know it when you see it. I'd say starting a profile defensively as if you are already accusing the reader of not being interested would be a first clue.

4

Guys should listen.

@Omen6Actual Women are usually good listeners.

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