All my life, small talk has annoyed me. It is useless and unrewarding. When I’m yearning for a deeper discussion I have learned to ask questions of a group to seek out a person that wants to engage in a meaningful exchange of information. Sometimes I find someone. When we are having a really good conversation, someone will often say something like ‘how’d we get on THIS subject?’ or ‘hey, you guys this is getting too heavy, lighten up’. So they seem annoyed or uncomfortable by our deep discussion. I generally just no longer talk much in these settings, or slip the person with whom I had a good conversation my contact information and suggest they come for coffee one day to continue. Is it really impolite to be intelligent and deep in public settings? Can anyone offer a non-judgmental way to let people know that being deep is as much my right as them being shallow? Or should I just continue to be antisocial?
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I would simply tell them they do not have to join the discussion. I am not always nice or diplomatic especially when someone TELLS me that their comfort should dictate the conversation. I think I would say something snarky like " Sorry I thought you guys knew how to swim, didn't know that you would drown because of a topic that was too deep for you."
Why is it okay for them to object to the conversation but not okay for us to have it? Their rights are the same as ours so keep talking to the ones listening and ignore the ignorance of those that do not respect your rights as equal to theirs.
CreativelyMe
Level 7
May 30, 2018
0
@CrazyQuilter Yeah. I am kind of shocked by how some people have responded tot his post but I will get snarky for you and let them worry about their perceptions lol
I'd say continue to be antisocial. You're doing everyone a favor. It's my experience that those who feel they have to control the conversation tend to think they're right and everyone else is wrong... unless you agree with them. It's also been my experience that those who feel the need to be superior to others are really hard to talk to in the first place.
Benthoven
Level 8
May 29, 2018
0
@CrazyQuilter I think it's rude to be RUDE in public. And I've noticed that those who think they're "intelligent" tend to be more belligerent than anything else. Conspiracy theorists think they're intelligent. Evangelicals think they're intelligent. And they have no tolerance for anyone who disagrees with them, and will turn around and make the same statements made above.
Intelligence is "Emotion Intelligence." The ability to have a conversation in the first place, and to let it be where it needs to be. If it can be moved elsewhere, then fine, but if you feel the need to control it, that's not a conversation. It's a monologue, and they're profoundly frustrating.
@CrazyQuilter You're absolutely right... I am making assumptions, and that's on me. But then in your second sentence you turn around and make assumptions about me. And your third sentence completely misrepresents what I said in the first place.
I have nothing against deep conversations in public. I've sat in bars and had deep philosophical discussions... of course booze tends to make us philosophical for some reason. What I said was something complete different. What I said was that it's pretty arrogant to assume that you're intelligent and nobody else is simply because you don't like the fact that they're not having the conversation you think they should be having.
As to assumptions, there's "who you are," "who you THINK you are," and "how you occur out in public." They're rarely the same thing. The 'assumptions' I made come based on how you're occurring in our conversation. And making up things I said doesn't present you in the best light.
@Benthoven Apparently your social intelligence is not too high because you attacked instead of clarifying. To tell someone "I'd say continue to be antisocial. You're doing everyone a favor." is a great example of the difference between who YOU think you are and how you "occur" in public, because THAT WAS RUDE!!! If YOU were socially intelligent then this attack would not be taking place. I think you need to take your own advice and "listen" to the conversation instead of making assumptions and believing your position to be superior.
FYI: I make no claim to be socially intelligent so if my words offend you then that is your issue not mine and I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR DEFENSE. You sir are rude!
@CreativelyMe I'm starting to see why people don't like talking to you.
@Benthoven Hmm you apparently know far more than I do then since I did not even realize people don't like talking to me but thanks for confirming you ARE RUDE and will attack instead of converse. Another fine example of your arrogance! You may really want to reflect more on your own issues instead of making things up about me to make you feel better about yourself because I have NO issue with people NOT wanting to talk to me but if that is what you need to tell yourself than go for it.
I have little patience with small talk, and have been labelled anti-social as a result. I'm ok with that.
But many years ago, as i moved into professional roles which required me to socialise regularly, I also had to figure out a way to not alienate colleagues who seemed to accept small-talk as part of the environment.
So i separated those situations which required me to be where I knew small talk would be the norm, but which I could not avoid.
In time I perfected the skills to amend whatever subject came up, introducing a perspectives intended to generate deeper explorations of whatever subject had been raised. I often saw people resist such change by self-extracting from those conversations. I also saw relief on faces which also hated shallow conversations but didn't know how to extricate without social damage.
I also accepted that what might be small-talk to me, might actually reflect another's passion. That epiphany stopped me from criticising those who prefer to do nothing but small-talk.
Nevertheless, and even with options in my conversational repertoire, I'm still a-social and avoid small-talk and talkers religiously. LOL
josephr
Level 7
May 29, 2018
0
It's impolite to infer that a type of conversation is shallow or unintelligent. That would get some people's backs up.
I'd move in the right circles for you.
Ellatynemouth
Level 8
May 29, 2018
0
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