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Another lesson I've learned; you can be a good person, but when you put your heart and soul into someone who is not right for you, it can poison both wells - turning you each into people that do not truly define who you are. And eventually - - you have to forgive yourself. You don't have to 'forgive' them - but you should, because eventually you remember that holding on to the hurt that led you there - that just isn't who you are - it's who you became when you were with them.

One moment, one hour, one day, cannot define your life. For people who think otherwise - how truly sad for them, that they live in that moment, instead of moving on.

DerekD 7 May 29
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12 comments

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1

I agree with almost all of what you said, except for the part about "forgiveness". I simply do not believe in the concept. Never have.
I will let things go so I can move forward, but I do not forgive anything. I will try to understand the "why" of the person's actions, but to forgive them, to me, is the same as giving them a pass. That's not happening.
Everyone else can do as they please, but to tell someone else that they need to "forgive" whomever for whatever is unnecessary, and patronizing. Let it go, or don't. That choice belongs solely to the individual.

If you can forgive someone it might help your personal recovery? My motto is to forgive but NEVER forget πŸ™‚

@JohnByrne My "personal recovery" does not require the false concept of forgiveness. As I've stated, I don't believe in it.

@KKGator I was speaking about myself, the word 'you' was inferred in a persoal context?

@JohnByrne Guess it was the question mark that threw me off. Thought you were asking a question of me.

@KKGator Apologies for confusion, I can be a bit question mark happy πŸ™‚

@JohnByrne No worries.

1

Thanks for this post. My well has been poisoned because I tried for over 2 decades to be loving towards my brother despite the fact that I knew he was using me and is only concerned with himself. You are absolutely right about the need to forgive ourselves because it is not his fault I allowed this to continue.

2

Good post.
I am a bad person, I don't forgive and will happily tell the offender so.
But I also don't let things eat away at me and am happy if I never see them again.
I do blame myself for ignoring warning signs, not to bring myself down, more to laugh at my own stupidity.
I have much to laugh about.

Exactly!

1

That's very good. It reinforces my thoughts about not rushing into relationships. It's better to take time.

0

I think is just a typical obstacles that needs to be overcome to be become wiser and stronger, that way we can grow as an individual. though I think the Lesson to be learned is that people do not change or have the ability to change others. It only feels that way later on because in the beginning of the relationship YOU were trying to make the relationship work so any complaints or bad habit YOU either bite your own tongue or check yourself and the issue is never address until later on it becomes a problem which is why it 'seems' that person changed when it was your own fault for being arrogant believing that you can manipulate someone to change to your preference. It's the Fault the majority of people do when they are in a relationship. it's a cycle that never ends until you decided to either be honest by being yourself from the start or accept the other person despite their faults.

4

That is why when you find they are not right for you, cut them loose as fast as possible !

1

If you’re a guy and the person you’re with makes you feel over emotional like this, then move on. It’s only going to end in misery.

KenG Level 6 May 30, 2018
4

Yes, agree. Once you are totally free of the person who poisoned your personality, it's so wonderful to remember who you really are and enjoy life again!

2

Good point, lesson learned! We must try and not demand something inspite of what our β€˜nature’ will support!

4

Sometimes it is best to just move on.....

4

We always have lessons to learn. Makes us wiser.
Thank you for sharing that.

3

Very well said indeed

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