Another lesson I've learned; you can be a good person, but when you put your heart and soul into someone who is not right for you, it can poison both wells - turning you each into people that do not truly define who you are. And eventually - - you have to forgive yourself. You don't have to 'forgive' them - but you should, because eventually you remember that holding on to the hurt that led you there - that just isn't who you are - it's who you became when you were with them.
One moment, one hour, one day, cannot define your life. For people who think otherwise - how truly sad for them, that they live in that moment, instead of moving on.
I agree with almost all of what you said, except for the part about "forgiveness". I simply do not believe in the concept. Never have.
I will let things go so I can move forward, but I do not forgive anything. I will try to understand the "why" of the person's actions, but to forgive them, to me, is the same as giving them a pass. That's not happening.
Everyone else can do as they please, but to tell someone else that they need to "forgive" whomever for whatever is unnecessary, and patronizing. Let it go, or don't. That choice belongs solely to the individual.
Thanks for this post. My well has been poisoned because I tried for over 2 decades to be loving towards my brother despite the fact that I knew he was using me and is only concerned with himself. You are absolutely right about the need to forgive ourselves because it is not his fault I allowed this to continue.
I am a bad person, I don't forgive and will happily tell the offender so.
But I also don't let things eat away at me and am happy if I never see them again.
I do blame myself for ignoring warning signs, not to bring myself down, more to laugh at my own stupidity.
I have much to laugh about.
I think is just a typical obstacles that needs to be overcome to be become wiser and stronger, that way we can grow as an individual. though I think the Lesson to be learned is that people do not change or have the ability to change others. It only feels that way later on because in the beginning of the relationship YOU were trying to make the relationship work so any complaints or bad habit YOU either bite your own tongue or check yourself and the issue is never address until later on it becomes a problem which is why it 'seems' that person changed when it was your own fault for being arrogant believing that you can manipulate someone to change to your preference. It's the Fault the majority of people do when they are in a relationship. it's a cycle that never ends until you decided to either be honest by being yourself from the start or accept the other person despite their faults.