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What role do you play in your life?

I have a lot of trouble relating to people. I have zero friends in my age group, never had any, the few friends I have had have always been a generation or 2 older or younger and mostly but not exclusively female. One of my greatest difficulties is in relating to people. I don't get them and they don't get me. I watch the world of people get up, do totally meaningless things all day, and go back to bed. They don't know why they do what they do except this is what is expected of them and this is what they do. How they spend their day has little direct effect on their lives. I was a banker once, spent all day adding numbers, talking crap to people I just wanted to forget. I got paid bought food, paid the mortgage and so on, but that duties I performed daily did not make my food taste any better, did not provide my food as such, what I did had no relevance. Now I get up of a morning, water the garden, feed the chooks, if nature is pleasant I have a swim or surf, I may go to work, which is something I do by choice as my work directly enhances my local community and makes living here far more pleasant. And I think about everything I do, it has to be meaningful, to me. If it isn't, I don't do it. I am the lowest of the low, I have zero official authority, I am paid the lowest by far, probably because of the way I approach my work. I believe I live better than most of the people I work with because I am happier in my life and more self satisfied. I don't wish to imply that my work is not valued or even that my attitude is frowned upon. We have some staff on leave at present, so I seem to be the one everyone asks permission from, crazy, and I get invited to give talks on behalf of the organisation, I chair some of the board/committee meetings occasionally if it suits me. When I look at my current approach, I sometimes consider myself selfish and certainly hard to get along with but others do not seem to think so. My point is, I am not content to do things unless I want to do them, whether for enjoyment/entertainment or personal need or benefit and mostly what I do must have some meaning. Can anyone else relate or am I really the madman I imagine myself to be?

Rugglesby 8 Dec 27
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