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How do you deal with semi-supportive family?

My family is Hindu and cows are sacred to them, they don't say anything when I eat beef, but if I want to talk about it they don't want me to. I have 2 niece's who have never tried beef because of their parent's religion and this I equate to child abuse. How would you deal with a situation like this? They are super supportive in every other way, but going outside of tradition is a no-no. For an absolute atheist like me, this is a daily source or conflicting emotions toeardsy family. Input appreciated.

VikrantGautam 3 June 25
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1

So a lot of people seem to think it's not child abuse. Let me put it this way. Child abuse does not only equate to physical abuse. Telling children they can't have the same food as their classmates and friends, putting cows on a religious pedestal based on belief and no evidence, and then making sure the children know they will not have their family's support if they eat beef, to me, is child abuse.
They're not starved or beaten, but please let's not forget, these are basic human rights. You don't get a pat on the back for being a supportive parent, that's your responsibility. Brainwashing children often leads to brainwashed adults, and then the cycle simply continues. What do you think?

One of the things you might be missing here is denying a person their beliefs is also a form of mental and emotional abuse. You don't have to agree. That is your right. But disagreeing is not an abuse.

0

Sorry but this isn't child abuse. If they are otherwise fed regularly, not beaten or locked away, they are fine. If you are in doubt then please feel free to check in with an abuse counselor on what is and is not considered abuse. If anyone can advise you it would be them.

Now if these nieces have expressed something serious going on, by all means, report it. As they age if they decide to learn about other religions and wish to try beef, then support that. Don't push it and don't interfere unless you see signs of something really damaging.

AmyLF Level 7 June 29, 2018

Copying from another of my comments:
"
So a lot of people seem to think it's not child abuse. Let me put it this way. Child abuse does not only equate to physical abuse. Telling children they can't have the same food as their classmates and friends, putting cows on a religious pedestal based on belief and no evidence, and then making sure the children know they will not have their family's support if they eat beef, to me, is child abuse.
They're not starved or beaten, but please let's not forget, these are basic human rights. You don't get a pat on the back for being a supportive parent, that's your responsibility. Brainwashing children often leads to brainwashed adults, and then the cycle simply continues. What do you think?"

@VikrantGautam I think that is taking abuse too far. Yes, I'm well aware of the mental and emotional effects. I lived them. Telling a kid what they are allowed to do under the roof of their parents is parental rule. They are not being harmed or neglected and these kids will have a time and chance to make these choices for themselves later in life. That is what the later teens and 20s are for, testing for yourself. As lone as they are not beaten into submission or starved or threatened then it is fine. If there are signs of some real distress or abuse then please, do call the child advacacy agency of your choice and get them out.

You might also want to take into account that if you are talking here in the states then you also have to understand the amount of chemicals and medicinals that are pumped into our beef cattle here. In some places that could amount to poison and would be closer to abuse than just forbidding beef regardless of the origional reason the parents have for not wanting beef in the diet.

@AmyLF I think the beef example specifically isnt good really. But if it qualifies as emotional abuse for adults, it does ESPECIALLY SO for children. And saying you will reject or abandon them for choosing something is abuse. Emotional manipulation. Your first 8 years determines what the easiest path and way of being is for you for the rest of your life. And most people don't want to change, or cannot (atleast not very successfully despite a strong desire to do so), for various reasons.

@Neraven Yes, I know. I addressed that in both posts. If there is real abuse going on then I urged him to get child services involved. Just withholding beef in their diet isn't abuse. He hasn't indicated that emotional abuse or abandonment threats were part of the deal. We don't get to decide other people's choices in religious expression just because we don't agree with religion or that there is a god. It isn't abuse. It's a disagreement. They happen.

As to the first 8 years ideas, I am aware. But I know also that people raised in meat eating families often still grow up to choose a more vegetarian or vegan lifestyle on their own despite their first 8 years. I'm sure these girls will grow up and make their own decisions too.

3

You’re taking this way too seriously, lighten up. Just as your beliefs and habits are no concern of others, their’s are no concern of yours. And banning beef in the home = child abuse? Really? It certainly is not, whatever the reason for it. Get a grip on yourself. (And find out what child abuse actually is, before you make any more fallacious and ignorant comments to anyone.)

if they ever even bring up eating beef in their household, they will definitely have no support of their family. receiving care from parents but only on their own terms = emotional manipulation. it is not abuse in the conventional sense, but decency is not the maximum people can do, it is the bare minimum.
i also tend to not take things too lightly, as you've noticed 😀

3

When your nieces are old enough, they can decide if they are going to follow their parent's delusions or not. You can let them know that you'd support their decision to abandon useless traditions, but don't put that into their parent's faces - people with religious beliefs don't make the most rational choices and will sometimes resort to violence if they think their religion calls for it.

and this is where i find the most frustration - they're not rational so i should have to let things go instead of taking it up with them? this is why things never change. to create change, you have to disrupt the status quo.

@VikrantGautam You keep saying they are not rational but are not giving any examples other than they choose a religion and won't eat beef. What else makes them so? Does he yell and throw things and beat the girls? Is he threatening them or harming them aside from the lack of beef? If so then please do get whatever child advocacy program involved, now, instead of posting on a message board.

3

Eat beef on your own time and don't rub it in their face. If your two nieces are curious about trying it when they're "of age" in your "domain" by all means, but I wouldn't test your family on this, the same as I'd kick my family's donkey around the corner if they shamed my girl for not being able to eat peanuts, or a vegan giving us shit about what our diet is. Not happening in my house, or for meals I pay for.

Choose your battles wisely. It's ok to break out on your own, in your own time, but I wouldn't bring a roast to a Hindu hosted party that abstained from beef, that's for sure.... just as I wouldn't attend a vegan festival & try to eat a hot dog in front of them. 🙂

Qualia Level 8 June 26, 2018

"Choose your battles wisely. It's ok to break out on your own, in your own time" - As you can see, I have a hard time with this 😀

If I only mind my own business, I can never create enough change to overwhelm religious beliefs with scientific reasoning and humanism. but we have to try, otherwise, what is the point?

0

Have no supporting family

sorry to hear that... i know it sounds bratty but sometimes i feel the same way... i'm always up to talk if you wanna talk with a random person on the internet haha

2

It can't be easy for them, if you're eating an animal they find sacred.

I would avoid beef around my family if they felt the same.

You want support but you don't make any compromises yourself.. Respect is a two way street.

I agree respect is a two way street. But here's the problem - if I tell them I find chickens sacred there is no way they will stop eating chickens or eggs. they'll probably laugh in my face, just as i do in their face now. where's the respect here?
and i can't avoid beef around my family. if i can't be who i am around my family, then what even is the point of family?

@VikrantGautam

Have they been ridiculing your atheism?

If they haven't, that shows they are at least making an effort.

How difficult is it to avoid a particular type of meat?

You need your own place.

@VikrantGautam I'm honestly thinking this is more a case of two alpha males butting heads more than anything else. Father of the household, head of the household gets the right to the rules. If you don't like his rules, get your own home and make your own rules.

@AmyLF

I agree. But getting your own place is easier said than done.

@Ellatynemouth True, in the mean time it might be wiser for him to bid his time and focus on that as a goal.

0

Latest medical research suggests that beef is an unhealthy food, so it is possible that your Hindu ancestors were prescient. Your family sounds reasonable to me. There is a place for harmless traditions in many people's lives, and I suggest that you respect their wishes and don't talk about the subject.

if any one of them abstained for medical reasons, i would 100% support their decision. the whole problem is this is based on fantasy. for them not eating beef is harmless, but for their kids in the US, where their friends and classmates enjoy it all the time, it only serves to isolate them, and that is detrimental to their growth.

@VikrantGautam We have a difference of opinion about it being good for young people to conform to peer pressure. I think that's a good argument for home schooling, not eating beef.

What I meant to imply is that some ancient traditions may in modern times turn out to have a sound medical justification; not that the people following those traditions know the medical justification. Did the ancient Hebrews know about trichinosis or the various diseases that can be caused by shellfish? I doubt it. It seems that Mozart died from eating an infected pork chop, and I got type A hepatitis from eating raw clams. We both would have been better off blindly following the ancient Hebrew dietary code.

2

How they eat does not and should not affect you, and they are not your kids so I would let it go. You can't control other people. I also disagree about that being child abuse. Their decisions are their own and should be respected.

But it does. They are part of the world and so am I. We can't just live in our own worlds, we only have the one and we have to share it.
(If you've got counterarguments to this, I desperately need them pls. I'm being overwhelmed with my current line of thinking).

I gave you it, you can choose to listen or not, that's up to you.

2

Dietary restrictions are major sources of conflict. Totally commiserate with you.

2

don't get in a beef over beef especially when they have excepted you as a beef eater.

i appreciate the pun 🙂
but should i be grateful they are allowing me to forge my path away from their fairy tale instead of trying to make them see they are believing things without basis? if they came up with something to back it up, like health or moral reasons, then of course i would support it.

@VikrantGautam no you shouldn't be grateful at all

3

As a survivor of child abuse, I respectfully disagree that depriving a child of eating beef constitutes as child abuse.

of course, it isn't. less abuse to the bovine too.

@LeighShelton here i have no counter argument. i've been debating the morality of eating animals for a few years now while still eating them. i don't know where to go from here.

@VikrantGautam everything eats something that is or was alive without exception. its human growth and greed forcing us to treat life more and more like a commodity with no respect at all. everything dies too. without the wolf, there will be no grass and without insects, there will be no wolf. all life belongs here and the world is not ours to rape and abuse at an alarming rate.

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