Hello, new here. I suppose you guys see this kind of post from new members often. Its the kind of post where we say something about what led us here. I was a Jehovahs Witness. I stopped going to meetings about a decade ago. I had no formal reason other than not having the time to go. That wasnt exactly the truth though. The real reason was that deep down i knew that religious belief was a waste of time and energy. It took having my megalomaniacal father declare himself to be something he clearly was not and if he was, if it was all true and this was his role, then screw this god....for a variety of reasons.

When you step outside religious belief, you begin to see how much of a crutch it is against people taking responsibility for their lives and actions, how it works against standing up for things that actually matter in life, how it causes people to waste their lives based on fear and false hope or even a very underhanded form of revenge by god.

I have one set of close friends, a husband and wife couple who went through a similar process i did. Together we have a form of PTSD about some things that i don't think i can ever get over. I can go to a holiday party but full on participation in a holiday just seems wrong to me even though i know its not. Ill likey never be able to participate in a birthday. Its just too weird.

Well anyway, I spent much of my life trying to be a model witness, trying to find a wife within the congregation. That was an utter failure. I never fully embraced the things that those women and their fathers, whom they typically listened to, thought were redeeming qualities. I had no real interest in field service or answering at the meetings or reaching out to take on more responsibility in the congregation. I was clearly not on a career path to being a ministerial servant or an elder. At the time we had 3 meetings a week, typically sunday, tuesday and thursday. That is a TON of time and energy trying to be good enough. So I gave up on it.

I think that a lot of people are there because they are afraid to be without the community or family that being a part of a christian congregation brings.....especially in that religion where you are ostracized by your peers who are still going. They make you feel guilty and then ultimately find you to be a person they can't be attached to anymore and quietly disappear. Humans are social creatures and we can rationalize anything for acceptance. I believe most people who go to churches do just that very thing. They are not honest with themselves and their veiwpoints or belief systems. They fear being left out, left alone.

Thats why im here. Im looking for new connections. Ive wasted so much of my life trying to live in a world that had no place for me and then so much more time feeling bad about it.

Alright, much of this was VERY generalized obviously. There was no simple reason why i now consider myself a secular humanist. And yes, i am a bit of a windbag. I don't know how to give short comments about intricate topics. Please feel free to comment. No, im not looking for pity, just like minded conversation.