5 0

Just got a call from my 90 yr old mother. I have a very dysfunctional relationship with my family. My father died 3 years ago yesterday. I found out about it 2 days later. I answered a post on FB yesterday reminding her I was notified 2 days later. My mom said I should have lit a Yazheit candle(prayer candle) and prayed night before last showing respect for my father. I reminded her I don't pray. I also wanted to remind her how I was physically and emotionally abused by them as a child, but I stopped there. What would you have said?

sassygirl3869 9 Jan 6

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


I had a horrible relationship with my mother all my life, but at the end of hers, she forgot about it all because of the increasing dementia. We still had some conflicts when I went to see her, but I let them slide. I figured, WTF, she's 96 and either doesn't remember or has completely revised our history, making any recitation of it pointless. I don't know how cognizant your mother is, but perhaps you should do the same.

very cognizant - we got disconnected and no one called back lol.


Ask yourself if it would have done any good or helped the situation.

No-we got disconnected-neither of us called back.


I call to keep in touch deliberately on non-holy days I can't make them notify me of illness and family deaths. ....with dozens of 3rd generation cousins great nieces/nephews it's further proof no person will be united in after life families populated by thousands we have never met centuries ago or centuries to come


Hey, she's 90 years ol...
I'd let it go, if you can..

Nada. ...there are plenty of nice family stories to retell or invent of a gentle and lovely nature. ...graduations birth anniversary tales fun vacations happy favorite foods....if a 90 something mom is going negative state positive preferences instantly or ask her to call back with jolly news


I would have said "Thank you for the reminder, Mother. I will consider what you have said." and then let it go. It upsets you, she will never change or admit to wrong doing. Don't let her get a rise out of you, be as non committal and non confrontational as possible. Remember, they can't hurt you physically any more, and you can minimize the emotional hurt by disengaging. I am sorry you had such a crappy childhood, however you're stronger for it.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:13192
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.