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Would it annoy you to have to keep uplifting somebody?

I know that sounds cold, but I’ve known people to where no matter what you keep telling them things are nice about them, it seems like all they keep doing is whining about how they don’t like how they look or don’t like how they are. I just don’t know what to do anymore or say, but I can’t and won’t waste my time constantly uplifting somebody. It’s annoying and tiring.

EmeraldJewel 7 July 16

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I'm pretty depressive by nature, and as a result I've always put a lot of time and energy into uplifting people and trying to make people laugh. It does happen sometimes, and it takes a while before it gets me, but yeah there are some people that just seem completely bound and determined to exist in persistently bad headspaces no matter what. And after a while I just kind of stop trying as hard with them because persistently trying and it not working isn't good for me and I have to keep me somewhere in the neighborhood of balanced.

I'm a manic depressive and I realized that when I'm the 'fixer' mentality I will let myself get destroyed trying to help other people and that's horribly not okay.

I have to worry about myself first and foremost because I can't help anyone if I'm drowning too. Since realizing that I've lost some friends but I've gained some balance to myself.


I call them emotional vampires. They can suck the life out of you. I don't put up with it. It is not mean. These people are incredibly selfish.

Okay I've been depressed at different times in my life and if you don't think being called "selfish" and "emotional vampires" is "not mean" then you don't know the definition of the word. I never expected people to stick around but sure as hell never tried to bring anyone else down.

Nobody is trying to be miserable and depression is more difficult to deal with when you've got people calling you names and treating you like it's your fault. If you have anyone in your life that you feel this way about they're better off without you, leave them alone.

@mattersauce Pay attention. We are not talking about someone going through a bad time. We are talking about people for whom this is away of life.

@Sticks48 Oh, so this is someone who's chosen being miserable as a profession? Then I guess they're okay to talk shit about, fuck them.

Clinical depression is not a 'way of life.'

@memorylikeasieve Then seek professional help. Enablers are dangerous for people with mental health issues.

@Sticks48 I do. I fight my depression every day, but there are plenty of times when I lose the fight. But when I do lose the fight I don't want to hear
people saying I chose to be miserable while I'm trying to get back up again,and no matter how long that takes. Not blaming people for their mental illness =/= enabling.


Nobody wants to be around a moody, negative person.

Ohhhh What you said is SO malicious it breaks my heart. How could someone be SO evil?
😟 And ALL this time I REALLY thought you were a nice person who had a heart of gold. I've never been SO wrong about a person. 😟
You are beautiful on the outside, but you are rotten and putrid on the inside!

@LiterateHiker I have lost all respect for you! Block me now NAZI!


no help where you can and if you can't don't feel guilty just don't view compassion as a limited commodity with some sort of nebulous expiration date

weeman Level 7 July 16, 2018

As someone who has struggled with self esteem and depression, I learned in therapy that I am the only person responsible for my happiness and well being. I learned to stop saying mean things to myself. I worked hard on loving myself and it changed my life. When someone is insecure, no matter how much validation he or she gets from other people- it will never be enough. It needs to come from within.

Sorcha Level 6 July 16, 2018

You can't be their self esteem for them. That person has to take responsibility for doing the bulk of the work. If they are relying solely on you to lift them up, they are not doing the same for you and the balance of the friendship becomes uneven.

GwenC Level 7 July 16, 2018

Not at all. I get a joy in helping people when I can. I've said this many times before, I volunteer at a homeless shelter most of the week. I do it to help, and every now and again I'll get a nice warm, 'thank you', or a hug. That means the world to me.


Maybe they just want to get praise. They like hearing how wonderful they are. Just start saying to the bait "Awwwwwww. Too baaad".


Obviously they are not ready for a relationship, they need to work on themselves more! Sorry to hear that you are going through this!


I'd think twice about using words like 'annoying.' It makes it sound like your convenience is more important than their illness. Constantly propping up other people is exhausting, yes, but 'annoying' carries with it the connotation that they're doing it deliberately, which I can assure you is not the case.


Sticking by the side of someone who's depressed is one of the most difficult things to do. You can't see the damage and you can't see it healing or getting worse. All you see is someone who's miserable when for you being happy seems easy. The worst thing you can do is start to hate and resent them for it. If you can't help or at least be there for these people, then don't be.

People who are depressed are suffering a lot. If you can't make it better, that's okay as not everyone can, just try not to make it worse. Let them know it's hard for you and you'll be around if they want to chat. Let them come to you.


If a person sucks life from you it is time to end that relationship.


That doesn't sound cold at all. If they're just in a funk for a few days fine....happens to all of us. But if they're always like that, they are just a negative person. Personally, I do not like to be around that.

Do what's best for you, even if it means cutting ties with them.


If it’s not mutual support then yes, it would be annoying and taxing.


True friendship allows for a constant stream of positivity. But probably doesn't make for a healthy relationship.


You can't tell people things if they're not ready to hear it. I've been on both sides.


Ohhhh....been THERE! Sorry! After about the dozenth time...remind them, "Haven't we talked about this before? If you don't like the way you look...FIX it! If you don't like the way you behave...FIX that! Nobody can help you but YOU! Seriously...I'm your friend but I can't fix this for you. Next time we chat...tell me what you're doing to improve this situation."


It just gets to be exhausting and boring after awhile.


Not so far.


It does. I have too much shit and negativity in my life to continuously be around other people like that. I can't be constantly dragged down by others who are even more negative and always seeking my attention.

I cut off one of my best friends for that. I realized one of the reasons I was always so horrifically depressed was because I was always around her and she was ALWAYS talking about cutting herself and how awful her life was and it didn't matter what we did she would always turn it into something negative about herself and eventually I just got sick and tired of it. Even when I was truly suffering and just needed to talk she would turn it around to be about her.

I feel bad about it, even now, but after I stopped hanging out with her and listening to her, I was a lot happier. Like some heavy chains came off. We are still friends on fb and she's doing a lot better, still really negative, but she's found a life partner and a place in life where she isn't always talking about how she wants to die.

I guess it was best for us both in the long run.


I know exactly what you mean. I've tried to help people in so many ways in the past, but if they don't show signs of trying to help themselves, I walk away. If they don't show at least a little initiative to change their life, more than likely they enjoy wallowing, being supported, being given to while not giving in return anything more than a request for more, I walk away. One can give until they become drained, and it takes a long time to recharge from that.
I am the first to give and to help, but I am not a self filling fridge for people to raid.


Sorry, I'm fresh out of sympathy. 😉

Gareth Level 7 July 16, 2018

Probably have low self worth,a troubled childhood(read abuse),life hands them nothing but Lemons,habitually sad and depressed?


Yes, very annoying, but it probably means they have deeper issues than the ones they are complaining about. You can be supportive without coddling them.


Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach them how to fish and you will feed them for a lifetime. Show them the fork in the road and explain to them that which ever they choose will be something else they will have to deal with by them self and alone. This may be good for a while or it may be bad in which case if you think your in hell to just keep going. In either case its a lesson or a well deserved trial. Go Hard or Go Home. Harder is forward so dig in and grit and bear it. The light at the end of the tunnel depends on how fast you dig and not get scared at the beacon.

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