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Question for the women

I'm starting to think about dating again. The idea of online dating scares me, but facing your fears is healthy, right? I'm curious about your experiences. Which dating sites/strategies have worked well for you? Which ones haven't? Why/why not?

Nottheonlyone 7 Aug 1

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10

Meeting a SO online is now mainstream!
A few caveats: use the site to chat a bit, keep your antenna Up! Are they responding appropriately to Specific questions you ask, for example. Do they call you "dear" right away. Do they assume a "relationship" when you have just met? When you feel comfy, a Public meeting for coffee or a drink, where you each drive yourself there seperately! 2-3 of these before they get your home address or home phone!!! If they have a problem with your caution, RUN! A real potential mate would understand...also, why aren't they being equally cautious?! If ANY mention of money, in any amount, for any reason, pops up, RUN!
Listen to your gut at all times, remembering Ted Bundy was a tall, good-looking attorney with real charm!

Gee, Ted Bundy??... That should scare everyone for good ????

@IamNobody I'm just saying, use caution with anyone you meet, wherever yo meet them!

@AnneWimsey No worries, I understand. We cannot be careful enough. Nothing wrong with that.

Ya all may or may not believe this, but my sister went to law school in SLC with Ted Bundy. She has consistently stated he gave her a ride home one night ..

@Rudy1962 lucky girl, to have gotten home!

@AnneWimsey yes

8

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Wait.

Yeah. HELL NO.

Are you sure... πŸ˜‰

8

Online dating is not for the faint of heart. I tried Match and OurTime, and there are too many Xians, not to mention the fake profiles (I became an expert at spotting them, not a skill I wanted to have). I stumbled across this site via FB, and have made some nice friends PLUS met my new honey - a remote relationship for now but just spent our first weekend together. Bottom line is to keep your options open, have eyes in the back of your head if you try any of the usual sites, and hang out here to keep your bearings. Good luck!

5

I met my ex-boyfriend on PoF in 2009, and we were together for 5 years. I've been bouncing on and off dating apps for probably the last 2 years, and all I've gotten out of it are stories my friends share with their daughters as cautionary tales.

On the other hand, I have met multiple awesome guys in the course of my work, hobbies, and social activities. Not saying that any of those have turned into serious relationships, but they are humans that I can actually tolerate being around.

5

I recently met someone here but I think we are just going to be good friends but that is a start. I have also met men on Craigslist but they no longer have personals. I tried POF but met allot of crazy Christians. I'll stick with this site for now.

In my profile i make it clear i am Not religious and only get a few xians.

@AnneWimsey Oh I did too. I've since deleted it. I'm fine and really can't begin a relationship right now, unless I can find someone who wants to hold my hand through my treatments until I get better.

4

Guy here. Online dating is another tool in the tool belt. Dating is difficult at any time of life, in any circumstances. I think we all go in with some fanciful Disneyfied notion of love at first sight, etc., finding your "perfect" match. We fall for advertising and our bullshit cultural notions. But it is a process. And you will be both disappointed and rewarded.

As I said, online dating is a tool and it gives you access to sooooo many people you would otherwise never meet, from so many different backgrounds. I think it is great. But it is time consuming and like all tools, can be dangerous if not used properly. Think it through. Manage your communications. Manage your expectations even more so.

Be safe out there.

3

If any worked well I wouldn't still be single lol

3

Online dating sucks! I met mostly scammers. I turned all the dating sites off.

3

I’m on several online dating sites and have learned a lot! If they sound too good to be true, they probably are. The vast majority are just looking for sex. If they bring it up within the first day of messaging, don’t respond (unless you’re just looking for sex as well). If their English is broken they will most likely end up asking for money.

That being said, I’ve met a few really nice guys as well. You just have to weed through the crap to find them lol

3

Population here is too low for a realistic assessment of feasibility: it takes <5 min to scroll through all the options and find that none of them suit. In years past I tried PoF, Zoosk, maybe one other I forget. Very disappointing. I reckon things would be very different if I lived elsewhere. Oh, I didn't bother looking any farther than 50 mi away, so there's that. Total bust. 0/10 would not recommend.

3

Men are also invited to comment.

Ok ok ill go out with you. Sheesh.

See? That was easy!

I've met women online...a couple turned into serious relationships. All ultinately failed, but that had nothing to do with having met online. As others have said, keep your antenna up until you really know the person.

I met my girlfriend on pof. She reached out to me. She was not in my demographic. I am the boy toy?. So just keep an open mind. And be safe. I never would pick someone up on the first couple of dates. And I always let her pick very public places to initially meet.
And if you don’t want to meet certain people, specify that.
I had no trumpsters in mine

I have tried POF (too cheap to actually pay money for another) a little but gave up. I didn't have any luck, but I think that is because I was a little too honest in my profile. IMO, women want their cake, and to eat it too...in other words, they want a handsome, tall, rich, confident man that won't try to fuck their best friend, sister, and mother and not have any baggage/issues that keep them from being the person they wish they could be.

Keep in mind, EVERYONE has issues...including you. Dating is a matter of finding a person who has issues you can accept and can accept your issues...among other things.

IMO...or at least for me...online dating, in other words: reading profiles, trying to make contact (only to fail ~100% of the time), then chatting online for a few, then meeting up a time or 2, only to be rejected...doesn't work.

What really makes sense to me is Meetup.com (I am not affiliated with, not making money from, not intentionally advertising for them). There are groups for just about any interest you can think of. Join groups that interest you, attend events in those groups, and slowly get to know people. Eventually you will find someone with who(m) you share mutual attraction.

Getting to know someone in person, rather than online, in a non-romantic low pressure environment is soooo much better.

2

I got into the online dating market last September, and have had decent luck, including one date from here.

OkCupid the best site I've tried. Many, many questions to answer (as many as you want, basically) and you can get a really good sense of what makes the other person tick, if they've answered more than a handful. Both of my current bfs I met on okCupid, the first since last October. He and I were a 99% match, and major kudos to OkCupid for their matching algorithm. It's free, too.

I dated a guy I met on match.com for a month or so, and another one for one date. I didn't think much of the site, though. Many, many stupid scammers there.

Tinder was a bust. I don't know if it's a hookup site or what, but it seemed that way to me. I uninstalled it after a month.

Watch out for scammers. Initial meetings in public places. Best of luck to you!

2

The best advice I can give you is to not get your hopes up.

Oh, shit, sorry, forgot this was for the women.

@maturin1919 No worries!

2

I haven't tried it on in a while, but okcupid was interesting. It asked a lot of questions, you have the option of nearly endless quizzes in order to gauge capability. It even narrowed it down to categories. Ex: religious beliefs, sexual capability, desire to have children, day or night person and many others.

2

I don't like online dating sites. If anything, I like being on here because you get to see more of what a person is like through the way they post and respond. And just being in this community feels safe. I feel more hopeful about meeting someone here than any other site.

2

Maybe watch a couple of episodes of Catfish is you have some ideas what the common scams are

GwenC Level 7 Aug 1, 2018
2

Since you have said below men are also invited to comment. Here is my rational take on it. It not that complicated (should not be, but it kind of is anyway), a busy Starbucks is as good as any place for just coffee and a lot of things would happen: First impression, do they like what they see? Then, poise and demeanor... Does the personality meet the expectation, is the person respectful, is it punctual, is the conversation promising, etc... That should suffice to determine if any other personal information should be exchanged or not. I know it's a cliche, it's just coffee. Just speaking in general, I am not asking (I wanted a while ago though). I have made peace with myself. The lion has been finally tamed by mother time.

1

I had very little luck with pay for play dating sites. You know, the ones where you sign up for free, they send you all these pictures of beautiful women that are interested in talking to you, but you cannot unless you sign up for an expensive 30 day plan or a more expensive longer plan. Then once you do, all the lovely ladies disappear and if you get any responses to messages, it is to tell you they are no longer available. But obviously they work for some people, my sister married a Swiss guy she met online and another friend married a Chinese woman who has stayed with him even though he had a major stroke. Just never worked for me.

1

10 years ago, I was successful with the online dating game. Met a few great guys, and one I wound up marrying. Still married. I think like anything, it takes effort to make the game work.

1

Doesn't everyone know that there is a dating/matchmaking function of this site (Agnostic.com)?

I tried it several months ago, and maybe I should have waited. But even if I change my profile back to available, there aren't that many men here in my age group. And sharing atheism just isn't enough to base a relationship on. But it was a learning experience, so no regrets.

1

I wish you all the best. I hope at some point to connect with someone age-appropriate over common interests and values, but it's not happened yet. Meanwhile, great friends and a busy life keeps me going!

1

I have not had good experiences with online dating. Guys seem to be jealous, possessive and crazy! I have no interest in pursuing a relationship on any of the sites. Sorry. I have not had that on this site, just 1 guy sent me a pic I did not ask for.

1

I learned to be Faithful and dedicated to just one woman... so now I am ready for just one.... it only takes one. Never to lower my standards and comfortable with my age... a coworker set me up once in My Time. I didn't answered anything until I moved to another city way far from my profile... then I moved again. I went the other day.... old photos of me she had, her idea of my profile, I see it as a toy. I see here as a toy also. We need to learn to communicate, to make friends, leave baggage out of the picture. One thing... I can not do Drama. My profile will need a lot of fixing since it was a perception. Work to do but our problem in my age group is to meet up. With time but no opportunity created. As long is a toy it is not going to work and that is on me. Dating in 21st Century.

0

Wow, everybody. Thanks for the input, even if you've all (more or less) made it sound worse than I ever imagined...

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