NEW HAVEN, CT – In a breaking story that is sure to make headlines across the globe, the research team led by Dr. Frederick Martin have reportedly found the cure for cancer.

While the team has not officially released all the details of the cure or it’s complete formula, The Science Post has learned that it contains at least two very hard to pronounce chemicals. As such, it is being largely rejected by the anti-vaccine, anti-GMO and “all-natural” communities.

“Yes, I have found the cure for cancer,” said Dr. Martin. “I have done extensive randomized control trials and every one of them have produced a 100% cure rate with no side effects at all. The only decision I have to make now is whether I want to become rich and famous and save millions of lives, or cover it up like we have done with all the other cures.”

Many anti-vaccine advocates are against the new cure, both because it contains scary sounding chemicals and because it is in the form of an injection.

“So their cure for cancer (which was most likely caused by getting a shot) is to get another shot? Gimme a break” said Joel Gooding, anti-vaccine science illiterate. “Plus this so called “cure” is full of toxins and….toxins. Toxins.”

Jim Carrey could not be reached for comment.

(satire)