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Tonight I went out to see a movie with a friend of mine. My friend invited another co-worker of her to come along. Her co-worker shows up 30 mins early and upon his arrival, we go through the intro's. Another girl friend of ours was already there just visiting until we left. When the guy, Matt, meets me, he tells me he asked Leslie, my friend, what the other girl going was like. She tells him, "Ari and I are potheads." He said he laughed and said, "No. I mean, what is she like?" Leslie responds, "She's a lot like me. ...Except shes smart." Matt says, "But you are smart too." I was assuming she would first point out that I am significantly older than she is and that we tell people at her workplace that I am her mother since I have helped scheme her way out of work a couple of times in the summer and fall. Leslie then replies, "No. I mean, Ari is smart, but on a whoole different level. Don't ever get in a debate or an argument with her, you won't like it and you will wish you never did it. She's very nice though and its not so easy to provoke her. And shes extremely funny and animated. Shes small, like me, too." Leslie is a whopping 5'1. I felt everything Leslie said was great. I felt she described me well enough. Leslie then leaves the room to go roll us a spliff. While she is gone, our other female friend, Jess, says, "Wow Ari... that doesn't offend you?" I'm totally confused now. Matt also went with Leslie so Jess and I are alone. I asked her, "Why??! Why would That insult me?" She says, "Well, Leslie Only said you were smart, nice and funny. Oh and short." I am still confused. I replied, "But those things are all true of me. How would that insult me?" Jess says, "Well she didn't mention you are adorable. She didn't mention your long, dark hair or how fair your skin is and the contrast or your tiny hands and feet." I'm thinking, "huh?" In my mind, none of those things matter. It dawned at me at that moment that this Must be How most people view one another... in the physical, not in the psychological. Every, single thing Jess choose to point out to me were all non-essentials. I see no value in Any of that. So I told her so. She then says, "So why do you grow your hair so long?" I replied, "Because I Like it this way. I Prefer my hair long. It has nothing to do with whether or not other people like my hair. Every 3 years, I have it cut off and donated to cancer facilities that make wigs for children." Jess says, "well that is all okay. It is nice that you do that. But don't you think it is also for the opposite sex?" The truth is, it has nothing to do with the opposite sex for me. However, in Jess' mind, all the things I do, I am doing for some pre-determined reason, for some basic need for an ego brushing. I have no thoughts of those types of things. Hell, I was sitting there with zero make up on other than lipstick. I always dress nicer than I do underdress, but that is Just how I am. What I Expect from Myself. Yet I could not explaint this to her. She then says, "Then why do you polish your nails? They are always perfect. Why do you take care of your feet? You polish your toe nails all the time. I have never seen you without your nails polished." I replied, "I have wore nail polish, reds and burnt oranges since I was 13. This is the colour I prefer. Just because I take care of myself doesn't mean I do it so men notice me." I take offense to things like that. I loved that when Leslie described me, she mostly brushed over anything physical about me. Jess then says, "What about you being Asian? You are really proud of being Japanese. She didn't mention that you were Asian. She even said you pretend to be her mother, but she didn't mention you look nothing alike. Other than the two of you being the size of children, she is blonde with light brown eyes. You are black haired with eyes so dark I can't even make out your pupils." Again, she hits on things that I care nothing about either. In her mind, she must see everything based upon physical aesthetics and not on much beyond that. We continued to go back and forth for about 5 more minutes. I realized, finally, that no mater how many times I tried to explain things to her, including being a sapiosexual, we could not even begin to see eye to eye. Her concepts were so off base when it came to my own. Her perceptions of me, on a whole, were merely physical attributes and nothing more. Does that mean she doesn't even account for the things I have become in this lifetime that hold merit To me and For me? Does she miss all the nuances that I consider to be the heart of me? How Could she miss those things? Some day I may have no hair. Some day I will not have all the attributes she makes reference to. At those times, does she then consider me completely invalid as a being? Am I to be dismissed? I left that conversation feeling bothered and mildly annoyed, but mostly, I felt ...

Sadoi 7 Jan 17

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A fine example of another mind being lost to Patriarchy you I dress to please me..should someone (F or M) find me appealing due to how I'm dressed, great..that doesn't automatically entitle them to enter my personal space..for me it's Who people Are..not What they Appear to be..

Exactly, Charlene!!! Agreed!!


Your intellectual maturity is beyond their superficiality. You are humble about your appearance because you are satisfied with the routine that you have developed to present yourself as an intellect the comments were most likely made to find some commonality to relate to you on a personable friendly level. Most likely because on a subconscious level they know that competing with you would be inane for them.

With Leslie, shes like my baby sister and we have a ton in common. She doesn't have a very close relationship with her own mother and she has no elder sisters nor aunts so when I came into her life, I sort of bonded to her and took her under my wing, so to speak. We spend a lot of time together. Initially I thought it would be Me who would be looking out for Her, but it turns out, she has become a very important person in my life. She asks about me, but in a true and meaningful way. She wants to know what is Actually happening in my life and not superficially. Hence, we've become dear friends despite our age. I never restrict anyone from my life simply based upon their ages. I have friends ages 18 to 99 and it works for me! I get along with Everyone, to be honest. This is why I believe Leslie is better able to describe me accurately because she Actually Knows what Is important to me. Whereas, Jess, she has no freakin clue. I wonder how she has yet to figure me out considering we have been friends for a few years now. I have known Jess longer than I have known Leslie. I suppose it just goes to show that the people who Truly care about you, who truly are interested in you, they are the ones that will Know you, inside and out. Then we have the ones like Jess... the ones who Are shallow... who do not ask questions nor listen, apparently. What baffled me was when it got to the point that i was Flat Out Telling her, "This is how I am... this is Not how I am. This is what I do... this is what I Wont do. This is how I think... this is NOT how i think" and shes is sitting there trying to Debate me on it. I was left thinking, "wtf just happened here?" lol

but more over, thank you, A, for the kind words. I meant to say thank you because those were very nice things to say. 🙂


Mostly what?

I felt confused, mostly


I find thats a bit of a myth that women dress up for the guys. For the most part (a personal view) they do it for each other or maybe just themselves. How many times have I seen a lovey bevy of ladies all dressed up to the nines siting and talking amongst themselves and if a guy approaches there are not interested. As for us guys well what can I say show up and your nearly there. Case in point I ended up with a one night stand a few years ago, with a full on butch dyke. Yeah she was good looking but no makeup. (BTW I dont normally do these type of things it just happened). Can`t remember where I read this but "nobody sees a beautiful woman. All they see is her beauty".

Well, I also have an... unusual style. Very feminine, but I design most of my dresses and then my aunties make them. I prefer a lot of Traditional asian, japanese in particular, designs, but i like to add a modern spin to them. I have a thing for SteamPunk so I have a few meshes of that combo... But i Do always look... fancy, i suppose? haha! I am extremely clean and I make sure when I walk out the door that I do not look frumpy. Sure, i do wear yoga pants and blouses to the store, etc. But when I Go Out, I almost always look well put together. It really is just for myself. None of my girl friends dresss like me, either. Well, honestly, they couldnt if they wanted to because most of my clothing is customized. haha! I think those girls are more like Sex in the City girls. The ones who are all fancy and sitting amongst themselves waxing poetic! lol! I just... tend to want to look the best that I can. I can look professional, but unique, and I can look like Yoga Girl too... no problem. A one night stand with a dyke??!! Oooh la la!! Now Theres a story I am interested in!! haha! I like that quote!

@Sadoi Well as you can probably glean off my profile pic. I tend to off piste myself. I like charity shops, where most would fear to tread, I leap.

@273kelvin oh my fuuck! you made me laugh sooo hard as I was reading that, that I nearly fell off the bed!!!! hilarious!! I love your sense of humour!! haha!!


Does my head in when women describe women physically, I CAN SEE/JUDGE myself! I just want to know if she's a slut, or not... lol

HAHAHA!!! whether or not she is a slut?? Which is it you are hoping she is? Slut? Innocent? Non-slut? Nun? Raging Whooore? lol!!


Does my head in when women describe women physically, I CAN SEE/JUDGE myself! I just want to know if she's a slut, or not... lol


Stay centered. We live in a material world where attributes and pleasantries are exchanged constantly. I remember the shortest description of me ever... "askew" because I was a man of odd angles. Same needs like any other man but coming from different, oblique directions and approach. Don't let anyone get you down. Describing someone is hard for the sake of honesty or lack of understanding. We all have a tendency to lie when it comes to describing friends and I always say... even hitler had more friends than you, bringing a laugh on someone. Sometimes friendship is based on a specific common ground like my dancing friends. Is the only moment we share. Shouldn't be called friends but because we share that common ground we can see possibility of expanding the relationship. Funny as in a playground stranger kids find it so easy to interact and simply play. Is my approach in the dance club. I hate how I am called now "lazy" because I retired and I am out of the "making more money rat race". I used to say... and because of that I will dance on your grave. Can't say that anymore because the first of those I told that to... had died. It is important for humans to make friends. Sometimes I simply say tell me about her/him so I don't make an ass of myself or embarrass the other person with a stupid comment. We want to be nice to everyone and wish everyone is nice to us. But maybe there is "Nothing tougher for a shallow person than going deep". I was told when very young... "men dress for the ladies... ladies dress for the ladies". So when you say you don't dress for the opposite sex you are being truthfully without a doubt. Not all your friends will be your match as friends. But being able to find friendship beyond the difference of places were you stand. Connecting deep beyond the physical layers is a unique bond. My first best friend to me was and always will be the best example. His mother worked in my house, he was as poor as anyone I ever seen, dark skinned going to public school. I was going to private school because my father paid for it while his father gave him nothing so the money will not be used to help his half brothers. He died at 12 of sickle cell. I was 11. I inherited all his comics he had in the hospital. All the plans of double dating and getting married on the same day were gone. But I made more friends. You will find more true and deep souls to dig life with. We all do... I hope that because we all need a witness to our lives and a wingman and sidekick. Wishing you a happy day friend.

I always enjoy your words of wisdom, my friend! And i agree with a vast majority of what you have said. With Jess, I do know we aren't... that much alike. Her values and my values have never meshed. She is one of those chicks that listens to Top 40 music, goes to parties scantly dressed... for ALL my fancy outfits, I Am Modest. I don't have my tits nor my ass hanging out of my dresses. Jess does. Whenever we go out and Jess is coming, ALL my friends Call me because I do not drink and basically, they assign me to Jess... to making SURE Jess doesnt get into a bar fight, get so drunk she wanders off with a group of dudes, gets So Drunk she ends up stripping on top of a POOL Table! Its like that! She should be on Jersey Shore or something! I mean, its like THAT! Sooo i end up dragging her blonde ass, screaming and yelling, back to the car most bar nights. She is this tall, thin, big boobed, big ass, blonde girl so she Does get a lot of attention. However, it is absolutely hilarious when you see us at the end of the night because you have 5'9 Jess being DRUG out of the bar by 5'1 Ari. My friends think it is SO funny that often times they don't even offer to help me, but instead, they video record it! I am actually quite strong and I do have 3 third degree black belts so I CAN get her out of the bar. I have literally drug her out the door before. Once I had to physically PICK HER UP from behind and carried her Down the stairs from a bar one night. I drug her to the car from there, shoved her in the middle of my backseat, then i had two friends get in on either side of her and I had to drive her home WHILE she was Trying to open my Sunroof so she could STICK HER HEAD out of it as she was screaming, "I wanna fuuuck!" Im like, "jess... i swear to god... i am about to fucking pull over and STRANGLE YOU! I WILL Get you home! Whether or NOT you are Conscious or not, that is ENTIRELY up to you but I CAN Arrange EITHER way you prefer!" This IS Jess, in a nutshell. So it is no wonder she would Be insulted if anyone referred to her as "intelligent & funny" over "hot & slutty!" haha

@Sadoi Thank You. There was one in every group and also a "mother" in every group and your girlfriends have designated you on "jess Duty". In college we have Nicky in the group of friends that will piss the hell out of the girls. Because she will be staying in the house of a girlfriend and after obtaining approval of the mother they will go out and she will disappear with one guy and the other girl will return alone to the surprise of the mother but Nicky will show up the next day with the same clothes, smelling to wine and the hair looking she slept on grass and her excuse will always be the same... "oh you don't understand I really love that guy, he is my weakness". And the girls knew it was a lie... She did was a nympho under treatment by her shrink father. Valiums for everyone. In a going away party for 2 of her girlfriends she ended up having sex in front of everybody and when asked why? She simply said I thought it was a good idea to start an orgy since you girls were leaving for Mexico and won't be seen for a while. So she was the one that if you slept with her you won't get anyone of the other girls. That was their "Girl Pact". And we guys have guys like that too... sometimes is about drugs or too much alcohol consumption or picking up fights without good reason or destroying property or challenging the law and order officers or the worst... molesting women. Those were not around for long. But get yourself a stray jacket. Get it fitted for Jess. he, he, he, ha

@GipsyOfNewSpain HAHAHA! you know, this is Total Truth! I have ALWAYS had a "jess" one way or another in my life at almost every freakin juncture! My lord, when does it end?! lol!

@Sadoi The night you put her on one cab and you drive home without her.

@GipsyOfNewSpain yeah, i don't trust her ass enough to stick her in a cab alone! i need to buy a drone that I can fly from my bedroom... as i watch her... from the camera in the sky! not unlike big brother! haha

@Sadoi Yeah, yeah, yeah... if she is worth a drone... she must be one hell of a friend... none of my friends are worth a drone.

@GipsyOfNewSpain LMAOOOOO!!!! bwaaahahahahahahahaha!!! you're killin me smalls!! "None of my friends are worth a drone" just about killed me!!!

@Sadoi It is true... gave my son a drone, a helicopter with camera and everything about 2 years ago for xmas. He was like a kid very happy because always wanted a flying helicopter. But my friends... Nah I won't follow them... I know they are up to no good. Video will be used in a court of law. And when I go out in Las Vegas always looking for that yellow helo over my shoulder.


I wouldn't worry too much about this, a quick description unusually only consists of how you look you know wooden leg, one eye and a parrot on the shoulder everybody knows that's Donald Trump brother Long John Silver..

HAHA! "Oh... Ari...? Yeah, soo she has one wooden left leg, she has a glass eye, she has a hook for a right hand, and boy, you should see her smoke using that thing! its amazing! Oh yeah and she usually has Snookum's with her... her parrot!" Yeah... I think that about describes me as accurately as possible. 😉 Well, I think Trumps brother should force Trump to walk the plank!

@Sadoi He would talk his way out of it , the slimey turd ! I bet you look great with us glass eye & wooden leg...????

@Wolfbat oh yes! I'm too sexy for my glass eye! My only issue is with the termite activity in the doing and summertime! The woes of having a wooden leg ????


It would seem a lot of people view the world this way attributing only to physical attributes and not beyond or encompassing a whole getting only half the picture and a quarter of the depth of a person. Guess they don't know what they are missing.

I couldnt agree More, my friend! Exactly! I would HATE to be that shallow of mind and of heart. If i were, god, what a 2-dimensional world I would be forced to live in. I think I would rather blow my brains out first! I hear ya loud and clear and I totally Agree!!

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