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Ghosting -- why the hell do people do it? Why can't people just say "I'm not interested in taking this further." Please sound off.

Lisl 5 Jan 21

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I think it's stupid to do to another person. I also think those who do it are lazy cowards who simply cannot take responsibility. I know they make excuses for it, but excuses are usually always bullshit. Suck it up and just say you are no longer interested.


That's a really good question. And, further, is there anybody here who has ghosted somebody and is comfortable talking about it here?


I can see that you are worked up about it. How many times has it happened to you?

@Lisl I re-read your post. "I'm not interested in taking this further" makes it sound like it was not in a series committed relationship stage. Sometimes we miss the ques that the other person was not interested. In any case, you have made up your mind now. Best put it behind you as you were probably incompatible. I hope things work out for you in future.


I'm sure people have all different reasons.

Avoiding confrontation.
Afraid of nutsos going ballistic.
Just plain rude.
Not caring enough about anyone to consider their feelings.
Copping out.
People in general are becoming less and less able to converse face-to-face.
They're just cowardly assholes.


Too many people are spineless and can't handle their own shit.
It's "easier" for them to just disappear on someone, rather than be an adult and be straight with another person.
I think people who do that are just lazy cowards.


Because they don’t feel up to your standards or level, and certainly don’t care to describe or admit that… A backhanded compliment 🙂 And.. some have personality disorders ..and are actually doing you a favor. Move ahead, with an occasional glance behind for safety..

Varn Level 8 Jan 21, 2018

Ghosting is a cowardly way out. I have been ghosted, I once ghosted someone myself ( shame, I know). In my defense though, the guy I ghosted was very unstable psychologically and I was terrified of a confrontation. So I just quietly removed myself.


Lack of decency..and growing egoism and selfcentered behaviour...morals are changing...


I just ghosted a guy on a dating site. As soon as he told me what his job was I knew he was another scammer, and I just don't have time for that. Dealers of precious stones and metals do not live in Omaha, NE. The market is not here, and no one in their right mind settles here when the business or family isn't here. Seriously, do scammers all use the same scripts?

no emerald cartels in Nebraska or should I look in Kansas?

@btroje I'm in Nebraska now, not far from Kansas.

@HippieChick58 I know. just making another joke that nobody gets. back to the drawing board

@btroje I did live in Kansas for a few years.

I would not consider that ghosting. Had you both been talking romantically for some time? Texting and calling each other two, three times a day? Had you been on a date? If not, then in my view, you just caught on to his bullshit. He undoubtedly was not left bewildered because he is a businessman (scammer) and you were just another potential victim.

@BlueWave Thanks for your input. That makes lots of sense.


What is ghosting?

Ahh, thanks for that.

we used to call it bad manners

🙂 i think i still would but now I can use 'ghosting' too

In this context, it is usually somebody with whom one has been communicating romantically, and may have even been on dates, or were in the beginning of what appeared to be a dating relationship.

I was shocked! I asked my adult daughter if she had heard thisvtefm and knew what it meant. She had and told me that several of her previous boyfriends had just 'dissapeared' or ghosted her. And here I was thinking all this time that she had helped them to have 'accidents' 😉


Universal karma points are gained by having the courage to be compassionate and tell someone you're not interested. those who don't shouldn't be dating and don't deserve your attention. online dating requires a thick skin

Where is the scientific study proving that UKP's (universal karma points) exist and can be measured? (jfk)


Lack of anything approaching courage?


I have never been ghosted or ghosted someone. That said, I think it would be cool to have a box to tick on your profiles to indicate whether you are a ghoster.


They're weak and/or cold.


If you've never met someone in person, it's easier that way. Some people think they don't owe you a reason if you only exist to them in cyber space.

Richard, I agree. And, I think that's the key in cyber relationships; that, since there is no real, actual face to face contact, people have no feeling of a genuine connection, and therefore no conscience, guilt, whatever, about severing such relationships unilaterally without a second thought.


I let people ghost me, if that's what they want. I'm not interested in chasing after anyone who doesn't have the decency to be honest with me.

I am accustomed to people treating me like I'm invisible. I've been a social contaminant my whole life. It bothers me as much as rain bothers me: not my favorite thing, but natural, common, and not the end of the world.

I can see how it would bother someone who hasn't been a pariah their whole life...

those are some harsh phrases you put to yourself. Lighten up🙂


Is this after you have met someone in real life, or talking on the phone? I'm not 100% certain how you mean ghosting, other than a contract killing. Man, do times change or what!

@Lisl maybe you did nothing wrong and this as just their style. sorry it happened

Oh man! Did I get this wrong. Someone told me 'you should ghost that fella' I went and got my gun.... 🙂
(Just kidding🙂 )

@Lisl That's happened to my friend at work TWICE recently. The first guy treated her like gold for about a month. Then, he dropped off the face of the earth. NO explanation. The next guy came on really strong, seemed they had a connection, etc. Then he faded. He at least gave a "reason" when she asked. But, he went from hot to cold very quickly. It's baffling for her, and even for me as an observer.


Because they have no balls. Not someone you need in your life. So consider yourself lucky. 🙂

Sacha Level 7 Jan 21, 2018

@evestrat I try my best 😉

@evestrat Is that not something that is said in the States? Have I gone and offended everyone again? 😟 lol. Its like a common saying round these parts.

@Sacha its a common phrase and you used it correctly. I just feel bad because I have never had balls

@btroje Never too late to grow a pair 😉

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