I try to spend a lot of time around people. It would be easy to go hide, but I had been doing that already when taking care of my wife. I knew that wasn't working, but I had no choice at the time.

Number 1. You can't ignore it. Number 2. Religion and belief has no impact on grief or the ease in dealing with it. Here's how you deal with grief... if it hurts, cry your heart out. At some point the tears will become less, the head will begin to process reality again and you will have a choice to make. Remain sad, or find your happiness again. Thats it in a nutshell. Oh, and the bottom line is that you have NO ONE to rely on during these times. You are all you truly have that will relate to YOUR pain.

Since, I don't have waste my time praying to something that don't exists, helps some. I will be relying on the support of this community to help with lose of a loved one. When, the time comes.

I rely on friends and family for comfort. I wish there were better answers. Whether a person has religion to lean on or not, time is the only balm for grief, unfortunately.

My boyfriend died suddenly in front of me. I tried CPR but it didn't work. It was a widow Maker heart attack. It's been 7 years and I still grieve. I use nature to help connect me to the bigger pictures in life. I don't like to talk about it but I will talk to his picture. I thought about going back to Catholic church after 20 years but then I checked myself. Grief is isolating, it changes you forever. You must learn how to live again... Slowly.

My generally method is 24-72 hours of full-on wallowing (depending on fondness level) followed by about 6 months of blahs or low level depression. I've never lost a partner or child, so I don't know what I'd do then. I can honestly say that I missed my cat, who was present in my life daily, more than my mother who I saw 2-3 times a year and talked to on the phone approximately once a month.

i don't understand what god has to do with it. if you do not think any gods exist does that mean you are not sad when a loved one dies? does it mean you are alone? how do people who DO believe in god grieve? isn't it the same? i don't get it. i'm not trying to be snarky. i honestly don't get it.

g

Such a difficult and complex question. It totally depends on the individual and all of their psychology and everything in their history up to and including now. I get by with feeling like I am glad they don't have to suffer or deal with bullshit anymore. But that's specific to me. I know that memories keep people alive for others, as to rituals, like making their favorite foods, visiting special places, etc.

Why you have to grieve by going or looking to someone else? You grieve in your realm.

Theists process grief the same as everyone else does; they just have a level of useless abstraction overlaying it. You process loss exactly as thanatology (the study of grief and loss) specifies, it is a process of your subconscious spoon-feeding your new reality to you in doses you can (hopefully) handle until you integrate your "new normal" into your life.

My son died just over 2 years ago and it was my first of my many bereavements where I was totally self-identified as an atheist. My prior wife's death 11 years ago was in the late transitional phase out of theism. My oldest brother and mother died when I was still nominally religious, albeit "backslidden". These are the four "before their time" losses not involving "natural causes" that I've experienced.

Comparing those experiences, my son's death was rawer, but less complicated and more rapidly resolved. I was completely free and clear of the useless angsty questions a believer is obliged to wrestle with: whether some spiritual inadequacy of oversight on your part and/or the deceased caused the loss; how to reconcile such a terrible loss with the supposed empathy, benevolence and mercy of god; why various prayers were not answered as expected or desired, and a whole lot more. I was also free of all the assumptions of what I was entitled to: god's love, protection, strength, guidance ... none of that had to be rationalized. Let me tell you, it's much better that way.

At some level, even as a believer, I knew I'd never see these people again. Otherwise why would I grieve? Just because of my selfish need to have their companionship now? I am not convinced anyone really believes they will literally see their loved ones again. Believers grieve and mourn deeply, "move on" and remarry or have more children or find surrogate mentors / parents / whatever ... they honor the memory of lost loves but don't behave as if they literally believe those special relationships are merely "on hold" until pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by. Widows don't seem to think they'll have any 'splainin' to do or have to figure out joint living arrangements when they eventually die and have to deal with the fact of two (or more) spouses. That's just silliness.

So ... I handle it like a believer is obliged to handle it, I accept the unacceptable and I rely on myself and whatever mental and emotional resilience I possess. But I don't have to reconcile that with some asserted dogma that tells me how I'm supposed to feel or think about it.

Honestly not sure what comfort “god” provides, all the perceived comfort offered by religion is either in reality offered by the community, or completely false.
That said, family and friends, allowing yourself to grieve, to feel sad, to remember, and yes sometimes staying active, finding things to do to keep your mind off it, not necessarily to ignore it but to help the grief take up less space
Personally I have found constructing a monument of some kind, not necessarily a grave stone or something so obvious, but how about finishing a project the deciesed was working on, or something they had always planned on doing. When my dad passed I finished clearing some trees he had been working on to crest a new vegetable garden for my mom. Not only was it nice for mom, but I got to do one last project with dad......

I shut down, isolate myself, process my grief alone… not that it's necessarily healthy to do it that way, but I don't really have the tight social support network that a lot of other people rely upon and, even if I did, I'm not comfortable going to others with that sort of raw pain (especially when I don't yet have a good handle on what I'm feeling). So, while it works for me, I wouldn't recommend it for anyone who can open up to friends and family.

Eventually , after the shock has passed and reality sinks in , at some unexpected private moment , the tears will come . Generally speaking , past that point , life goes on .