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Relationship Loss

Have you ever lost a relationship over your refusal to believe in Christian or any other organized religion's theism? I was married for 20 years, we eventually broke, in part because he wanted the whole family to get dressed up on Sundays and go through the whole Sunday church routine, and I wouldn't do it. He also wanted our kids indoctrinated in the Presbyterian belief, but he was so busy and didn't have the time to do it, that they are both atheists now, LOL. He is now with a woman who dutifully goes through the whole church routine with him and is a believer herself. I'll note that he is one of the most unchristian people I've met, because he is a repeat adulterer, along with a ton of other unchristian traits.

39 comments

8

Yes. That's why I left my ex because I wasn't about to dumb myself down or allow a child to be brought up to think it was ok to think humans came into existence cause a magical man created man from dirt and took a rib out of him to create woman and the reason the world is so bad now is cause woman was convinced to eat from a forbidden tree from a talking snake.

8

That is usually how it goes. The most religious are usually the most sinful. One of the many reasons I am atheist.

ajr715 Level 6 Oct 20, 2017

I think it is because they try too hard not to be human, but they fail because at the end of the day, that is what they are. So they end up sinning more because they’re trying too hard to be something they’re not.

7

It sounds like your loss turned out to be a huge gain. I would thank him for leaving.

SamL Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
7

Going by your story, you seem to have lost nothing at all. You even gained the respect of your two kids - what else matters?

Did I hear you say, "Good riddance?"

SonnyMlaPH Level 7 Oct 20, 2017

<3

7

I met a man years ago who told me that he used to be a missionary, but no longer even considers himself a Christian because of the negative connotations. He was lying the whole time, because he wanted to be with me so badly. He was praying for me and hoping for my conversion. The sick bastard was a gay Pentecostal minister, who would lead services behind my back. He was so sure that the power of Jesus would lead me in the right direction. At the risk of being crude, I wonder what Jesus thought when I was inside him every night.

daddy4pugs Level 7 Oct 20, 2017

Mental illness will do that. Christian, Muslims and other believers will justify their actions if they think it is for a "higher" cause.

7

I had a girlfriend once who was a devout catholic, and we were progressing quite well along the friendship stakes until she suddenly pressed a question about religion that I had to give a straight forward answer to and she said straight out that she couldn't stay friends with me because of my nonbelief.

6

As I’ve mentioned before on this site, I belonged to a religion that shunned, so that led to me losing all family and acquaintances. It was odd though because although my ex-wife left the religion about the same time as I did our relation ended after thirteen years. We still talk at times but it seems that the publicity was just too much for her and she needed to get away from the community. We tried a couple of times to get back together, but there was too much water under the bridge. My son also doesn’t speak to me even after 35 years. My present wife tells me if I do mention religion that if those circumstances hadn’t happened we wouldn’t have married and had the wonderful daughter we do have. Of course she’s right.

gearl Level 7 Oct 28, 2017

I am curious as to the religion you left, you don't need to say if you don't want to but I am curious. Shunning is something I has seen happen with the Hutterites and some Mennonite Sects here. The degree of its enforcement depends on the colony leadership for the Hutterites and the church leadership for the Mennonite sects. It is a horrible form of abuse that separates families rips the shunned from the community support.
With young Hutterites they often leave for reasons other than becoming non-believers but because they are bright and ambitious and are never given the chance to use their intelligence and abilities on the colony where they are relegated to the most menial tasks because they are seen as a threat to some boss's son's future in leadership. For these young men it is even worse because they are thrown out of their faith community, too. Parents and siblings face punishment for seeing them depending on the colony, Some well let the mother visit them and no one else and some not even that.

@HeathenFarmer I was a Jehovah's Witness. A witness doesn't have much choice when they leave whether by being disfellowshipped or of their own volition. As they discourage friendship outside the organization when a person is expelled he has no friends or family as all are forbidden to associate with him. It sounds similar to what you describe except there is not a colony living together.

@gearl , Here in Canada it is common to find families where some members are JW's and some are not. I have never heard of shunning within families when one member chooses to leave or of people being expelled are there different sects? What happen to you seems truly brutal.

6

Thankfully i have not

Sarcasm Level 6 Oct 20, 2017
5

no but if he was trying to control you that way there was probably more to it and no loss

btroje Level 8 Nov 10, 2017
5

I've lost relationships with religious people, but I think the fundamental fact for me is that I don't have enough in common with people who could believe in that type of thing to maintain any sort of relationship with them.

CestMoi Level 3 Oct 26, 2017
4

Do you really think you lost a relationship? IMHO you won all the way to Timbuktu.

DUCHESSA Level 7 Nov 21, 2017
4

Good. You dealt with it as long as you could and it was probably time to move on anyway. I hope you found a better life with or without intimacy. There are so many wonderful people to meet, which is a lot easier being single and being your authentic self.

4

yes. i dated a preachers daughter for 2 years, and it ended when she wanted to have kids and send them to christian school. she never let me meet her dad. go figure, i am an outspoken atheist.

4

I think my deconversion was the primary reason my marriage fell apart. The gap between us widened until we were on different trajectories, and wanted different things from life. As I became less religious, she became more devout. It was a bit weird, but also very stressful. Ultimately I needed to be authentic and true to myself. Freedom of thought is a wonderful thing.

4

Being a "repeat adulterer, along with a ton of other unchristian traits" is probably the reason he felt the need to be a Christian in the first place. Uncritical forgiveness is a pretty tempting trait if you're the type that needs uncritical forgiveness.

But to answer your question, yes I have lost relationship because I was an atheist. I dated a girl for a while who was very upset that I didn't believe in God. But nothing that could compete with a 20 year marriage.

She was, on a side note, someone that was awfully choosy about which Christian laws she decided to follow.

3

I have found that the most religious ones are the most hateful people...intolerant, judgmental bunch...

3

I just lost a 6 year relationship mainly because of religion. She had a religious background, but at the time of our meeting she was not really active religiously. She knew on day one that I was Agnostic. After two years together she found religion again. She thought and thinks the devil is active in the world and is trying to make her do bad things. (Nuts!!!) She wanted me to start attending church with her. I went about 20 Times, but let her know I was ONLY there because it was important to her. The whole church thing became a bigger and bigger wedge between us. She hoped I would somehow see the light. However as time went by she understood that my convergence was not going to happen. Then the relationship really went downhill. I now miss her, BUT, the weirdness would have never gotten better, so although I’m sad, it is better that it is over.

JohnGlass Level 6 Dec 3, 2017

You should be glad...sorry to say this but it does make life harder when things like that comes in between two people.. I am trying to date again and I try to be brutally honest on things that I cannot and will not compromise

3

My ex wife was religious, mostly we separated and later divorced because she cheated, but after the fact she made a few comments about my lack of belief, but that hadn't ever been a problem until we split for other reasons. I think she just used it to justify her actions.

JimG Level 7 Nov 13, 2017
3

First be grateful to have gotten out with your children's minds intact. Shits are shits, cheaters come in atheists , too.
Lucky I got out of a relationship with a person involved in the catholic cult before their was children involved, she claimed to be a non-believer when I met her but, as the years past she became more and more demanding of my church attendance with her something I found distasteful being an atheist since 8 years old. Eventually it became a wedge in the relationship.
Keep your chin up I know it still hurts but, luckily your are never too, old to get your heart broken again.

Thanks but actually as far as him the ahole being gone, it doesn't hurt a bit. What hurts is that he destroyed our family and hurt our kids.

@Magnolia:He actually made your family whole by walking out the door. What remained are the three of you who sincerely love and care for each other and have respect for one another.

So, matters most? "Love is all that matters."

. . . some artists with a song of the same title are Eric Carmen, Human League, and Diana Ross. Kenny Rankin has "What Matters Most."

2

I was in a long, stable relationship with a Christian Scientist. I didn't mind going to service with her or other functions every now and then. I am very Relax about everything, I don't get annoyed or bother much but I was the one that walked away and moved to another state... Not because religion but simply because I needed to move on... When we are in proximity there are still sparks and what is it with us? Issues. But the boat has sailed without us in it. "My arms are too short to box with god". She knows I won't push forward. But we are close friends and argue as if we were still a couple. I am moving away again of course.

2

I think about someone trying to convert me all the time. I do not want to ever end up in that situation so it sucks but I have to be open and if they think I am going to change then its just not meant to be. Sorry for your loss. :/

1

Well, my wife left me for god, she was not religious when we married and I have always been an open atheist.
My step mother and half sister stopped talking to me, they say it's not because I'm an atheist but the fact that I am an atheist always seems to come up as to why they don't talk to me, seems being an atheist automatically means I am ridiculing their beliefs, even though I don't really know what they believe.

ThomasLevi Level 6 Jan 28, 2018
1

Thank you for sharing... from another strong empath; who does live w/in an hour of an ocean.

BobFenner Level 7 Jan 6, 2018
1

I don't get why people claim undesirable behavior is unchristian. Christianity is the most absurdly inhumane nonsense ever dreamed up.

buck1977 Level 7 Dec 24, 2017

I personally believe it once served an important purpose, which was to get people to act right. Since we're wired to be the fittest who survive, we did (still do, as a matter of fact, but it's far more subdued on most levels) horrible things to people like kill them so we could have their portion of "stuff." It was/is also a means to control people by the tribal leaders, which later became the church leaders. Just look how religion is being used by the tribal and cultural leaders in this country today to control people and make them subservient to the 1%ers.

1

No. Not one of my past relationships was there any issues. I was fortunate that way but regarding on line dating, thats a whole other story. There have been a few guys that wouldn't date me because of I wasn't religious. Well too bad so sad I say. Don't need the hassle or the bullshit.

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