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Relationship Loss

Have you ever lost a relationship over your refusal to believe in Christian or any other organized religion's theism? I was married for 20 years, we eventually broke, in part because he wanted the whole family to get dressed up on Sundays and go through the whole Sunday church routine, and I wouldn't do it. He also wanted our kids indoctrinated in the Presbyterian belief, but he was so busy and didn't have the time to do it, that they are both atheists now, LOL. He is now with a woman who dutifully goes through the whole church routine with him and is a believer herself. I'll note that he is one of the most unchristian people I've met, because he is a repeat adulterer, along with a ton of other unchristian traits.

By Magnolia
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9

I haven't lost a romantic relationship because of religion.

I grew apart from my best friend because of religion though. She became a zealot. I was more agnostic when I met her. Even went to church with her (a snooze fest) and to church events... played on the church volleyball team as the quiet Atheist hiding among the sheep.

But, in return she decided she need to get preachy with me. Tell me I was going to Hell. Spout of crazy things like role playing games lead to Satanism. Even though I respected her beliefs and kept her company in her religious meetings.

It's the hypocrisy that gets me most. If all Christians acted on "do unto others" and "turn the other cheek" there would be a lot less disturbances in the force. smile009.gif

silvereyes Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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I had a girlfriend once who was a devout catholic, and we were progressing quite well along the friendship stakes until she suddenly pressed a question about religion that I had to give a straight forward answer to and she said straight out that she couldn't stay friends with me because of my nonbelief.

Squirrellglider Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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That is usually how it goes. The most religious are usually the most sinful. One of the many reasons I am atheist.

ajr715 Level 5 Oct 20, 2017
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6

It sounds like your loss turned out to be a huge gain. I would thank him for leaving.

SamL Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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Thankfully I have not

Sarcasm Level 6 Oct 20, 2017
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Going by your story, you seem to have lost nothing at all. You even gained the respect of your two kids - what else matters?

Did I hear you say, "Good riddance?"

SonnyMlaPH Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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<3

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5

I met a man years ago who told me that he used to be a missionary, but no longer even considers himself a Christian because of the negative connotations. He was lying the whole time, because he wanted to be with me so badly. He was praying for me and hoping for my conversion. The sick bastard was a gay Pentecostal minister, who would lead services behind my back. He was so sure that the power of Jesus would lead me in the right direction. At the risk of being crude, I wonder what Jesus thought when I was inside him every night.

daddy4pugs Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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That's all kinds of dishonest. Don't know how he thought that was ever going to work out well for him...

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Mental illness will do that. Christian, Muslims and other believers will justify their actions if they think it is for a "higher" cause.

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That's just demented.

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4

no but if he was trying to control you that way there was probably more to it and no loss

btroje Level 7 Nov 10, 2017
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As I’ve mentioned before on this site, I belonged to a religion that shunned, so that led to me losing all family and acquaintances. It was odd though because although my ex-wife left the religion about the same time as I did our relation ended after thirteen years. We still talk at times but it seems that the publicity was just too much for her and she needed to get away from the community. We tried a couple of times to get back together, but there was too much water under the bridge. My son also doesn’t speak to me even after 35 years. My present wife tells me if I do mention religion that if those circumstances hadn’t happened we wouldn’t have married and had the wonderful daughter we do have. Of course she’s right.

gearl Level 6 Oct 28, 2017
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I am curious as to the religion you left, you don't need to say if you don't want to but I am curious. Shunning is something I has seen happen with the Hutterites and some Mennonite Sects here. The degree of its enforcement depends on the colony leadership for the Hutterites and the church leadership for the Mennonite sects. It is a horrible form of abuse that separates families rips the shunned from the community support.
With young Hutterites they often leave for reasons other than becoming non-believers but because they are bright and ambitious and are never given the chance to use their intelligence and abilities on the colony where they are relegated to the most menial tasks because they are seen as a threat to some boss's son's future in leadership. For these young men it is even worse because they are thrown out of their faith community, too. Parents and siblings face punishment for seeing them depending on the colony, Some well let the mother visit them and no one else and some not even that.

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@HeathenFarmer I was a Jehovah's Witness. A witness doesn't have much choice when they leave whether by being disfellowshipped or of their own volition. As they discourage friendship outside the organization when a person is expelled he has no friends or family as all are forbidden to associate with him. It sounds similar to what you describe except there is not a colony living together.

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@gearl , Here in Canada it is common to find families where some members are JW's and some are not. I have never heard of shunning within families when one member chooses to leave or of people being expelled are there different sects? What happen to you seems truly brutal.

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4

I've lost relationships with religious people, but I think the fundamental fact for me is that I don't have enough in common with people who could believe in that type of thing to maintain any sort of relationship with them.

CestMoi Level 3 Oct 26, 2017
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Good. You dealt with it as long as you could and it was probably time to move on anyway. I hope you found a better life with or without intimacy. There are so many wonderful people to meet, which is a lot easier being single and being your authentic self.

BrigittaCuadros Level 4 Oct 23, 2017
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I think my deconversion was the primary reason my marriage fell apart. The gap between us widened until we were on different trajectories, and wanted different things from life. As I became less religious, she became more devout. It was a bit weird, but also very stressful. Ultimately I needed to be authentic and true to myself. Freedom of thought is a wonderful thing.

Introverted Level 5 Oct 21, 2017
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Being a "repeat adulterer, along with a ton of other unchristian traits" is probably the reason he felt the need to be a Christian in the first place. Uncritical forgiveness is a pretty tempting trait if you're the type that needs uncritical forgiveness.

But to answer your question, yes I have lost relationship because I was an atheist. I dated a girl for a while who was very upset that I didn't believe in God. But nothing that could compete with a 20 year marriage.

She was, on a side note, someone that was awfully choosy about which Christian laws she decided to follow.

Mightyjustice Level 4 Oct 20, 2017
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You make a good point. It's interesting the correlation between unhappiness and religion. Look at the least happiest states by ranking and the most religious. There is an interesting relationship. I think the same is true for people who just want to feel good (whether it's for what they've done- or how they feel).

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I just lost a 6 year relationship mainly because of religion. She had a religious background, but at the time of our meeting she was not really active religiously. She knew on day one that I was Agnostic. After two years together she found religion again. She thought and thinks the devil is active in the world and is trying to make her do bad things. (Nuts!!!) She wanted me to start attending church with her. I went about 20 Times, but let her know I was ONLY there because it was important to her. The whole church thing became a bigger and bigger wedge between us. She hoped I would somehow see the light. However as time went by she understood that my convergence was not going to happen. Then the relationship really went downhill. I now miss her, BUT, the weirdness would have never gotten better, so although I’m sad, it is better that it is over.

JohnGlass Level 5 Dec 3, 2017
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Yes. That's why I left my ex because I wasn't about to dumb myself down or allow a child to be brought up to think it was ok to think humans came into existence cause a magical man created man from dirt and took a rib out of him to create woman and the reason the world is so bad now is cause woman was convinced to eat from a forbidden tree from a talking snake.

EmeraldJewel Level 6 Nov 24, 2017
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yes. I dated a preachers daughter for 2 years, and it ended when she wanted to have kids and send them to christian school. she never let me meet her dad. go figure, I am an outspoken atheist.

MichaelSpinler Level 7 Oct 21, 2017
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First be grateful to have gotten out with your children's minds intact. Shits are shits, cheaters come in atheists , too.
Lucky I got out of a relationship with a person involved in the catholic cult before their was children involved, she claimed to be a non-believer when I met her but, as the years past she became more and more demanding of my church attendance with her something I found distasteful being an atheist since 8 years old. Eventually it became a wedge in the relationship.
Keep your chin up I know it still hurts but, luckily your are never too, old to get your heart broken again.

HeathenFarmer Level 7 Oct 20, 2017
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Thanks but actually as far as him the ahole being gone, it doesn't hurt a bit. What hurts is that he destroyed our family and hurt our kids.

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@Magnolia:He actually made your family whole by walking out the door. What remained are the three of you who sincerely love and care for each other and have respect for one another.

So, matters most? "Love is all that matters."

. . . some artists with a song of the same title are Eric Carmen, Human League, and Diana Ross. Kenny Rankin has "What Matters Most."

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2

Do you really think you lost a relationship? IMHO you won all the way to Timbuktu.

DUCHESSA Level 5 Nov 21, 2017
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My ex wife was religious, mostly we separated and later divorced because she cheated, but after the fact she made a few comments about my lack of belief, but that hadn't ever been a problem until we split for other reasons. I think she just used it to justify her actions.

JimG Level 3 Nov 13, 2017
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I lost my wife, my 3 kids, my parents, my grandparents, and my god when I finally made the break. I knew deep inside for years that I could not live in that fantasy world, but the problem is they had methodically delivered and offloaded several van loads of bullshit into my brain and I was unprepared to clean it up, and as a result, failed to act in my own best interest. What I should have done is rescue the people I love from that trap. Instead I wandered in confusion wondering if I had committed treason again the father of the universe. Unspeakable sadness, and the only way I survived was to form a giant emotional scar around myself that had no feelings at all. You can probably guess how that affected every future attempt I made at a normal life.

splittingzero Level 6 Nov 25, 2017
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No. Not one of my past relationships was there any issues. I was fortunate that way but regarding on line dating, thats a whole other story. There have been a few guys that wouldn't date me because of I wasn't religious. Well too bad so sad I say. Don't need the hassle or the bullshit.

mistymoon77 Level 6 Nov 3, 2017
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I think your post is very well-written. But I don't see the part where you "lost" a relationship. You didn't have a relationship. Some get confused and think a believer is a normal person with supernatural beliefs. Not true. Such a person has a disorder, either emotional or mental, that enables them to rely on magical thinking instead of rationality. Their brains do not fully function. He didn't love you; he loved being a good boy while you were trying to be an honorable person. When honor meets faith, faith runs.

KevinJohnston Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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Yes. Ironically, from both perspectives.....

Kreig Level 7 Dec 5, 2017
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I don't know that I've had any break up by that, but I do know that I've avoided them, knowing she was religious and it wouldn't ultimately work out.

chuckles Level 5 Nov 24, 2017
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Yes, I have also lost although not a spouse. But it's okay because we don't get along so I don't want to spend time with them. Win/win!

Ash831 Level 4 Nov 22, 2017
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