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Midlife crisis?? If you are old enough to have had one, what was yours? Was it positive? Negative? For myself, I grew up and started a new career as an elementary school teacher. In the middle of year 3 of that career. It is hard, challenging, gut wrenching, yet so worth it. What about you? (Hopefully you are not like my soon to be ex-wife who decided to have an affair with a Trump goon!)

mrcharlie65 6 Jan 25

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My midlife crisis was sort of involuntary. I was diagnosed a year ago with Hodgkin's Lymphoma; went through 12 rounds of chemo and was declared in remission in August. I'd started going through some changes before I got sick, and then the illness kind of accelerated that: I've experienced an "awakening" of sorts, realizing how much I've put my own needs second to others, have always doubted myself and never thought I was worthy of anything. Big, big change in that regard.


There is a reason it is called a crisis! It is purely existential and I think most people experience it in one way or another by facing the reality that this is as good as it will ever be. Mine was that in a truth that this was the peak of my career and it would all go downhill from there. We can go downhill kicking, screaming and laughing with a bar of chocolate in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other, or we can bitch and moan. It totally depends on your reality, self acceptance and love of life. At 73, I appreciate every heartbeat and make the most of the time I have left. Excuse, me can't comment any further, by champagne is getting warm.


Separated from my ex about 5 years ago (her idea) and finally had the freedom to come out as gay (well bi, but with a very strong preference for men.) I'd figured it out about 3 or 4 years into the 17 year relationship, and just been going through the motions, since then. I also figured out that I liked wearing dresses and enjoyed the feminine social role, so I came out as transgender too. I've partied more in the last 5 years than the rest of my life put together. I've discovered dancing. I've discovered being on the receiving end of compliments and chat-ups. Some of which ended up horizontal. Historically, I'd have been the one in the corner, on my own, staring at my phone, waiting for going home time.

It's ruffled a few feathers along the way, but that's been part of the fun. I've lost a small number of friends. I've made more and better ones. There are so many reasons behind it, but I'd be lying if I denied that one of them wasn't for the devilment.

Also, it's cheaper than a Porsche and safer than a motorbike.

I'm not 100% certain that this is my actual mid life crisis. Having been in the same job with the same company for 27 years, recent changes have started to get me down, and a complete change in career path is starting to have its appeals. So maybe that'll be the real one.


My soon to be ex husband had the mid-life crisis.... so now I get the opportunity for a new (albeit unexpected) life going forward. I am taking things day by day, learning to enjoy my own company, and figuring out the things I like to do..... kind of an adventure.


I can't say that I've had a midlife crisis, or a young life crisis, or an old life crisis. If I ever did, I didn't notice.


I'm not sure if all of the life/career shifts I had beginning in my thirties qualify as "crises," but if they do, I've had several. After spinning my wheels for a decade on several dead-end jobs as a result of a useless masters degree in German literature, I went and got a much more employable second masters in TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) and headed off to Korea at the age of 35. It was there I met my wife (another American teacher), and we spent the next fifteen years teaching in various parts of Asia.

When I was 50, we returned stateside and took up freelance careers in different aspects of the publishing industry. Sometimes I think the reverse culture shock I experienced upon my return was more severe than the shock I had anywhere I lived in Asia, but it probably doesn't qualify as a "crisis."

And now in my sixties--kind of a stretch to say this still qualifies as "midlife" (LOL)--I am having to deal with being single again after the death of my wife in 2010. In some ways, I am still floundering from that crisis, but I am trying hard to find and enjoy the positive aspects of my sudden solitude.


Midthirties was early for a midlife crisis, but my father's side of the family tends toward short life expectancies and I'm told I look like him. . .

I was volunteering with/leading/writing about up to six groups at once -- atheist organizing, freethought radio, clinic escorting, parks preservation, a food coop; anticult education -- on top of either salaried work or self-employment. All that make-the-world-a-better-place work meant little play, and little dating.

How could I give up what I'd invested so much in? In part, a year and a half of therapy helped me to detach and keep the focus on myself. That was around fifteen years ago. My career and love life are incredibly fulfilling now.

I often feel guilty about not doing more. But every time I tiptoe back into any kind of community work, I selfishly/lazily pull back.


My best friend in Florida was 48 ( I’m 25)
He went through something similar as you and as me too.
I was married At 20 and it was a massive mistake.
Well his woman of 18 years was what my life would’ve turned into. So I became his messiah of feelings and understanding of the situation and advice.
Well he went through a change I’d say was a forced midlife. And he started going to the gym. Dropped 80 pounds. But started smoking. And got himself a mustang ????. But besides all that after a lot of pain and advice and me sitting with him over 12 cups of coffee at Waffle House a night he’s doing ok. It was a good change.


I don't know that I'd characterize it as a 'mid-life crisis' per se, but a number of crises seemed to hit during what could be called 'mid-life'. The last 15 years have been chock-full of upheaval, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the other side of it now. At least, I hope I am. I'm freakin' exhausted! What I find most interesting is that my mindset has changed from working my ass off to be an engaged, equal partner, to being happily single and content with who I am.


I got a divorce. My ex attributes it to menopause and the fact that my mom died about the same age I was at the time when I decided to move in that direction. Because of the divorce I also had to get some education to be able to get a decent job. And now 15 years later here I am. Reasonably good job, content on my own, kids are doing well. Life isn't perfect, but I'm not waking up and falling asleep trying to plan the perfect murder.

@Shelton I got a divorce instead. He's safe, for now.


Ex wife said came and went and didn't noticed it because he is full of himself. Life misdiagnose your ass a lot. Is up to you to believe the hype or not. I don't believe the hype.


My daughter refers to them as my mid-life spasms since they don't ever get to a full blown crisis. Mostly along the lines of shockwaverider. Motorcycles, boat, airplane, career changes,

Hopefully the last career change now. I'm getting tired of learning new stuff and fixing my toys.


I keep having the same nagging dream. I am surrounded by saboteurs, parasites, and idiots. My midlife crisis is having to cope with them in the waking world.


Yup, I’d been watching & waiting for that, but it wasn’t anything biological … more fact based and reality driven, then my having responded... My Ex wife married ‘mr average,’ which is likely a far better fit than mr ‘let’s do it!’

Life’s upside down inside out and backwards, though. Nothing like I’d planned or expected … basically starting over, if 35 years older. Having taken care of procreation and education of 2 offspring, it may just be that time where no one’s depended on me but me 🙂 ...I could get used to this, too ~

Varn Level 8 Jan 26, 2018

I understand after being burnt when my offspring grew up. I was used and abused to bring up her(?) kids. Narcissists should be avoided, once bitten

@Babyseal My last serious relationship had been with a Borderline PD’d woman.. right there in ‘Narsissist territory,’ but with slightly different twists. What strikes me as weird is that the only Narcissist's I’ve knowingly met are/ were men… Usually such PD’s have equal numbers of each gender … but a NPD mate/ r/s must be a special kind of hell..


I think I had my mid-life crisis early. Many vehicles were involved and several had V-12 engines. The cars were fun and no-one got hurt. That part was good although a waste of money.

The divorce was bad and extremely expensive. That part sucked royally and coincided with the dot com bust. I'm in tech so the combination was awful.

I wanted to become a therapist. I should have listened to my male BFF who had become a therapist. He said that I would hate it. He was right. I almost walked out of my year long unpaid internship just about every day. I have respect for those who can work in community mental health.
So now I have a counseling psychology MA and I use the skills in my life and IT consulting / coaching work. I learned a lot, it was really hard, and it was worth it.

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