“For 40 years, my wife never watched a game,” my friend Billy, 75, said. “It was a huge burden for me to watch all the games. After she died, I decided I will never live with a woman who doesn't watch football.”

I’m not willing to be a gridiron slave. Football is a basic life skill. A healthy, athletic appreciation is fundamental to a sporting lifestyle.

Through online dating, I have met over a dozen women in their 50s and 60s who never watched football. They expected me to know, explain the rules, and follow five games a week for them. One woman sat passively on the couch while I cheered for our team. What is this, the 1950’s?

Basically, they want a daddy to take care of them and great kisses. Not interested.

If you can watch TV, you can understand football. Pick up a playbook and follow schemes.

“How do you throw a slant pass?” Jane asked. Talk about clueless!

One woman was so intimidated by my excellent, intuitive knowledge of the game, that she refused to watch with me. Not even overtime. Joanie criticized me for being "too exacting" while watching football and mowing. My creativity and eye for detail are strengths, not a character flaw.

Because Joanie doesn't understand football, she thinks it's sexy to see a man when his team loses, watching on the couch. She likes to come up behind men and tickle them.

When she did this to me on the couch, her intent was to distract me and avoid sex.

Because I was rapidly adding up my fantasy score and cheering touchdowns- to stop would ruin the day- I ignored her. Joanie complained that I was not paying enough attention to her in the bedroom. Needless to say, we broke up.

Everyone loves to hear those magic words: "Game is on."