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Single, divorced, widowed...why does society place such importance on these titles?
Have you ever noticed a different reaction for each? If yes, why do you think it happens?

This week I was at an event with friends. Those friends introduced me to a couple of other people during the night. I don't even know why it was a topic but someone asked, "Are you here with your husband" I responded with, "No, I'm divorced". and I got the side looks from the women and the "nods" from the men.
Later in the night I was talking to a different group of people and the topic came up again. It rubbed me wrong for some reason, maybe I was just bored but I said, "No, he died." This time I got a completely different reaction. The women were sympathetic and wanted to talk and be friendly, the men looked uncomfortable and moved away.

I played with it the rest of the evening. It was really odd. If I said I was divorced the women seemed uncomfortable around me but the men were fine. If I said I was a widower, the men were uncomfortable and the women were fine.

Crimson67 8 Jan 27
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39 comments (26 - 39)

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1

You missed some options...

  1. He's on a date with his Lover... both Herpes sufferers

  2. He's on a date with his Boyfriend

  3. I left him at home strapped to the bed with a ball gag, blindfold and 16" vibrator running on low

  4. he's in a coma

  5. Who cares where he is...

1

Well I am 49 never married raising kids by myself that gets enough reactions as it is.

1

Isn't it funny the stereo types society places on people. But I do understand some of the feelings. Divorced can mean one is a failure (I have been there and felt this way about myself). Often being widowed means one has lived with a childhood sweetheart their whole life and has little experience in the dating game and maybe hasn't/can't let go of their former spouse.

Remember some cultures deny divorce especially for a woman and the Greek women who dress in black and take over any son's after their husbands have died life are notorious. Just be thankful you don't live in India where you are expected to throw yourself on your mates funeral pyre.

0

When I divorced the neighborhood women did not lke me. if I went up to the comunity club/bar, they would guide there men like they were my prey. I could have told them which ones wanted to cheat!

0

I agree and some forms make women put a Miss, Mrs or a MS. it kinda gets me. I am like me Betty Coleman.

0

At first, I would have said that it has to do with availability for partnering but the difference in reactions did not match to that in the first review.
Thinking it over it still could have to do with that anyway.
For the men:
When you are divorced, your ex is no threat anymore so you are available.
When you are a widow, you also might be available, but you also could be very connected to your late husband. A lot of widows are not interested in a new partner anyway and have also the in-laws watching.
For the women:
When you are divorced, you might be a threat for their partner so they estimate the risk.
When you are widow, you are way less a risk. It's likely that a man's first choice would not be a widow so they feel less threat. So they can afford to be kind and understanding.
This is my theory, but actually I don't know.

Gert Level 7 Jan 30, 2018
0

I agree. Marriage does not a relationship make. I like people and socializing, but I also like my freedom. Besides, I thinkthe USA charges you more money when you are going towards senior and married. I see nothing wrongwith living with a partner totally committed.

0

People mostly religious people are uncomfortable with honest Atheists conversation. ...the fact that you actually observed people's faces means you are fact based not faith based. ...believers are afraid to die sympathetic eager to share heaven plans hell threats. ...breaking marriage bonds is a secular Atheist divorce action believers (females) condemn and males opportunize

yeah, whatever.

@BettyColeman be nicer to @witchymom here and @GreenAtheist

0

Glad im ok...lpl.

0

Interesting. I think, especially after all these years, I might just stick with "no, I'm not married" and immediately change the subject. How 'bout them Cubs?

0

Very interesting observation, witchymom. I don't often find myself in a social setting of this nature, but the next time I do (in March), I'll have to play with this like you did, but from the perspective of a widower.

After the societally mandated grieving time of one year expired following my wife's death, I started getting asked (mostly, but not exclusively, by men), "Are you dating yet?" When I said I wasn't, men would react like "WTF is wrong with you?" Women generally reacted more sympathetically, concluding either that I hadn't found "the right one" yet or that my wife was The One True Love of My Life and that I would go to my grave without ever wanting to find anyone else. Unlike men's silent ridicule, women seemed to display a weird mixture of pity and admiration. But what would happen next time if I say I'm divorced? Or that I'm screwing every woman I meet?

This could be fun.

0

Been observing my sister who lost her hubby on November. She hates the word widow. It was her 3rd marriage and it wasn't that great but he died and now it feels like the end of the world. To us men if you say widow first question in our minds is "why he died?". I do expect a woman to tell me if married or divorced, single or widow. One case comes to mind I told her I was divorced but she didn't told me she was married (I didn't ask her) and we have a few dates already. Her response was you didn't ask me. So it taught me a lesson to find out quick. Women and men reaction will be different specially women being protective of their husbands when encountering a divorced woman. Different reactions for sure. And you are Easy on the Eye.

0

Interesting. I wonder what would have happened if you had added that you spouse had been a woman. I would imagine a whole other set of responses.

0

I (while chuckling) am at a loss. It’s funny how the intro headings around here can draw you in ..only to find the nuanced subtext baffling..

My guess regarding the men, was that you’d decided to ‘try again.’ When finding your situation was not ‘by choice,’ they likely assumed you’re ‘not over him,’ thus not really available..

The women, you’re out to get their men! Later to learn, maybe not… It’s at least one reason I’ve become less and less inclined to attend such soirees ..other than I’ve no longer a wife or SO to force me. Some enjoy the social positioning, I definitely do not.

Varn Level 8 Jan 27, 2018
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