I am not advocating domestic violence in any way.
But lets be realistic.
Most young people today are out of control. Fighting, looting, rioting, demonstrating and abusing other people.
The source of this behavior is either bad parenting or a lack of parenting. Which makes up 70% of parents. There is no license or qualification for a minimum standard of parenting. This is great for producing mongrels but not quite good enough for humans, since we are supposed to be somewhat civilized.
When I was young, if I did something wrong I would be punished. Sometimes a smack on the head, other times no food for dinner. I hated it at the time but now I can say that it was the right call. I was a bad child and I needed to be punished so that I would learn to behave like a civilized person.
So, if your child stole something, hit an innocent person or did something else that was wrong. Would you physically punish them?
Because correcting a child is easier than correcting an adult.
Where exactly are you getting your "facts" such as "most young people are out of control"? What is it about "demonstrating" that makes you lump it in with rioting and abuse? Smacking children in the head doesn't make them civilized. There is no license or qualification for a minimum standard of humaning either but that doesn't mean I can go around smacking adults in the head. Though at least they are big enough to defend themselves.
I gave my kids a few swats on the butt when they were young, and I stopped because I didn't feel it was OK. It felt wrong to use violence on my own kids. I did a lot of "natural consequences" and removal of privileges rather than hitting them. My parents hit me and it didn't accomplish anything a stern talking to wouldn't have accomplished.
Seriously, when we were on a long trip I had kids being brats. I made them copy bible verses. It was effective in that it got their attention and the crap stopped. I can't say I never spanked, but I was more the type to "make the punishment fit the crime" or find an alternative punishment. I was spanked hundreds of times, and to this day I think much of it was my parent's frustration at having too many kids and not enough money. I also insisted on accountability, which is so not done these days. And I have AMAZING kids today.
Either of my kids could flatten me. But I once gave my son a token pat/slap on his wrist because he was pouring water onto a heat lamp that was keeping our chickens warm. He was 2 and I figured that was the best way to get message across. He got one more when he was 4, can't remember why, but was told, "That didn't even hurt --- anyway!"
I think corporal punishment is basically child abuse by an authority figure. And no matter how the child turns out in the end, it can leave emotional scars.
I'd favor a time out, and later a discussion about the issue to improve reasoning, information, and bonding.
When I was about 5 years old I stole eggs from the refrigerator. When discovered (later that morning), I not only had to pay back 5 cents each from my allowance, but I also had to clean up = wash the concrete & metal area I smashed them against. And I had to sit down with my parents, discuss why I did it and why it was wrong. I never stole anything else again in my life.
I rarely hit my kids when younger and found it not to my liking. I am not perfect though and it happened a few times. I got most of my parenting techniqes from Supernanny, the older ones that focussed on techniques not drama like the latter seasons. I found that being consitant and not giving false threats all the time was the best bet. Her bedtime and time out routines were very helpful. Physical punishment gives instant results, but is really not effective in making kids learn and be good. In my opinion it is the lazy way. The kid is not whining and misbehaving in the store because he isnt being hit. He is whining and misbehaving because he knows from experience that mom will give in to shut him up. You can't do that. Constantly nagging and yelling and telling them to do the same thing without following through doesn't work either. You basically just train them you don't mean what you say. Those types of things were some of the things she talked about...
I have often observed that kids who are physically punished are rarely the ones who are well behaved and respectful in the world.
I remember someone reporting--from their experience talking to many parents--that there's some fraction of kids (like 10-30%, don't remember but it was small) for whom absolutely no discipline short of spanking will be effective. Sounds legit.
Only a swat on the butt, and only for a child under the age of reason. Once they have a solid working grasp of cause and effect, it's time for something else.
I read about another theory of discpline that eschews "punishment" entirely, in favor of "natural consequences" (e.g. you broke it, you buy another one, etc.). Not sure how to apply that to all situations, but I like the way it sounds.
Another: give them choices: e.g. you can be grounded for two weeks, or you can volunteer at a hospice for a month--and the punishment fits the crime (e.g. caught smoking, volunteer with cancer ward). Sounds awesome and the proponent claimed great success. Sample size: 1. I am no child psychologist.
Supernanny puts tots on the naughty chair (time out) for 1 minute times age. Seems to work beautifully, once they adjust. Obviously stops being effective around age 7 or so.
I think I was spanked once, as a toddler or so. I was hardly ever in trouble after that, so I can't even remember what my punishments were like.
I do not have children. I will not have children. I would do everything else before hitting a child. The onlytime I could see hitting is if a toddler is in full-on meltdown mode, incapable of processing input, the infraction is a serious safety concern, and we are in physically unsafe environment--like running away in traffic.
Anything else--hell no.
Violence isn't really that effective as a conditioning tool, for the most part, unless you are trying to teach submission. I grew up in the 70's when beating kids was in....and all the kids I knew were complete reprobates. And getting hit really didn't curb any of this behavior, but did teach a level of cruelty I don't see as often today. It exists, but now a light is shined on it. When I grew up it was just 'kids being kids'. I have 'spanked' a child once in my life. And that was because I became a 'late father' of a 2 year old who decided to test my authority. It was such a soft spanking, but it was more the 'I can do this', and the my boyo actually said,"Let's not do that again, okay? I will be good, and you be good too." We never had a problem again...I hated that spanking and still do to this day.
I spanked my daughter from time to time when she was little. It was repeating what I had been shown. It was laziness. It was being uninformed about other methods.
She flat out told me once "Mom, that doesn't work."
When I stopped spanking her, once when she was grounded or lost privileges, she said "Can you just spank me instead?" LOL!
That said, I absolutely, 100%, no doubt about it, REGRET with all my being that I ever ever spanked her, even one time. With age, maturity and education, I learned (too late) that it is entirely possible to raise children without hitting them just because we are bigger and stronger. To ME, it is wrong wrong wrong and if I could change only ONE thing I did as a parent, that would be it. It causes me great shame.
Touching on the rest of your post -- speaking of going to bed without dinner, that is a bit of a trigger for me. We were severely abused -- and that was just one of the mild forms of "punishment" in their arsenal (mom and step-monster). That is one thing I did do right -- never used any of that sick behavior on my daughter. Never called her a name. Never pulled her hair. Never "washed her mouth out with soap" or fed her hot chil peppers one after another, never shocked her, never.....well, you get the gist. ALL FORMS OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE toward children is ABUSE to me. It is unnecessary and wrong.
Sigh......quietly stepping off my soap box now.
After posting my response, I went back and read all the comments and I have to say that I am so pleased to see all the answers and experiences that are a big fat "No." That's awesome!
And I am being realistic. Might is right?
"Most young people today are out of control. Fighting, looting, rioting, demonstrating and abusing other people." Source please.
So you teach young people that the best way to get your point across is by violence. The only conclusion from that is likely to be that it is OK to use violence to get you own way.
I was never hit as a child and I never needed to hit my children either - neither of whom were out of control.
When young people do something wrong, education and restitution is often the best course of action. Violence achieves nothing.
My experience was a bit different than most I guess. Was I ever spanked? Yes. Not often but yes, It was ritualistic and removed angry response from the equation.
What did happen though, was I had to make it right. Usually it turned into learning opportunities. Broke a window? Measure it. Go to the hardware store and buy the right-sized pane of class. take out the window. Reglaze it. Or, walk up the front walk, knock on the door, tell them who I was, why I was there, and apologize. Including an offer to make it right. Or, do a thing over and over til it was right; holidays in the lawn mowing were the hardest.
No, and I never had to. That's the lazy way to parent. Besides, meta-studies covering 5 decades show that hitting children makes them more aggressive and antisocial. They are more likely to defy their parents and lie. Past studies have also linked corporal punishment in children to the onset of depression, anxiety and drugs and alcohol abuse.
I think all children are different and learn differently. My son wasn't spanked by my husband or myself, and he grew up to be a responsible adult who joined the air force and is doing great. I was spanked, and I did fine in my life. My brother was spanked, and was addicted to drugs for most of his life. Everyone is different.
I guess it depends. I’m not a parent so it’s hard for me to answer. People have told me that there was a difference between an spanking to keep children in line and a beating, though. But I have heard horror stories about teenagers killing their parents when they weren’t disciplined, though from them being too soft on them.
Absolutely NOT! I was spanked, switched and whooped on as a kid. I hated my parents for the abuse. The last time my mom tried to slap me (she used to pull my hair too) I threw up an arm and told her point blank "you are never ever going to hit me again".