My mother was bi -polar /mainly manic; my father clinically depressed after his war experiences, both were abusive verbally physically and sexually - I have a diagnosis of D.I.D. I have been taken into mental hospital many times.
My partner of many years has chronic O.C.D. We seem to manage quite well in the circumstances and are living in sheltered accommodation. The things I can do well are cooking cleaning etc and creative thinking and craftwork , He is great with money numbers and logic . We live in separate flats and it s nice having someone else who is real about expectations. I don't think it would work so well if we were unbalanced in our inter-independecy

My first wife was/is Bipolar. At first it was not noticeable but gradually got worse. After her father died it went to the next level - a series of affairs. Her last affair was with an alcoholic and she divorced me, kidnapped our daughter and moved halfway across the world. She never would go to therapy because she said all the doctors wanted to do was get in her pants (I thought why not them; at least they might help). Her husband died from Leukemia and she has realized she is incapable of having a meaningful relationship.

My second LTR was alcoholic. A maintenance drinker so it was hard to recognize. She went through De-tox and for 5 years was a wonderful person and we had a great relationship. I went through Al-anon and other tough love sessions and, like you, learned about enabling. Unfortunately she relapsed (and got her JD) and disappeared.

I was the one who gave up and tried to end it. My partner at the time stuck by me like a champ; it's no stretch to say I owe him my life. We're still close.

My last bf (different guy) proclaimed himself to be the very picture of mental health and stability, despite having had a rough childhood, raised in a thoroughly dysfunctional family by a delusional psychopath and an alcoholic. He's well on his way to alcoholism himself.

Some red flags (that I noted and sailed right past):

• "I'm always happy. I don't get sad."
• "There are some feelings I don't like to feel--and I don't let myself feel them."
• "I don't trust women."
• "When you say 'boundaries', it sounds to me like you're trying to be in control and I can't stand that."
• "[Yelling] is how I learned to communicate. There's nothing wrong with it."

Yeah. You need therapy worse than I do, buddy.

I lost my wife after 12 years also. She never really told me why she left, but I'm sure the reason was she finally realized I wasn't bullshitting her about how absurd I thought the idea of god was that we discussed before marriage. If that is the case, I would consider it that she succumbed to the intentional mental health problems caused by accepting lies as truth.

Tough love can cut both ways. I helped my son battle the alcoholism that kept our home unstable for years, until it became time to show him the door. I still know that it helped someone, not sure who.