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OK, here's a topic few understand, the alt-right denies, most ignore because it's not in their experience.

But if this is you, you will understand.

I grew up thinking that, for some reason, people in my family were terrible liars, or insane.
They kept saying that they'd told me something, when I knew they hadn't.
When I asked them later about something they'd told me, they'd deny ever having said it, and mock me.
Then later, they'd remember they said but deny they ever denied it.
But they said I did the same!

Also, I had to fight inexplicable feelings of rage whenever someone mentioned my name, and feel horror and shame whenever I saw a photo of myself.

Later on, an old high school outed me to myself as a partial transmale ("C'mon..you could beat any boy in the school yet you never noticed them when they flirted with you" ). )

My outrage at hearing a female name and seeing a female face in my photos came from my male side.

I began to read Kindle books on gender identities, alternative genders, etc and suddenly realized I was reading about myself when reading about gender fluid and transmale people.

While emailing with my transwoman friend, I also was forced to see that I was switching back and forth between the female and male gender sides of my brain.
It was plain from the emails, that I was changing personalities.

While in "male mode" I had a male perspective, thought females were silly, and didn't matter, even denied I had a female side at all. Didn't remember things that happened when I was in female mode.

This was weird effect was often mentioned in forums where gender fluid people were posting, and also in their memoirs.

In female mode, I thought all men were morons, and didn't believe I had a male side..didn't remember what I'd done in male mode.

I kept arguing with my transwoman friend about things that had happened, not remembering the incidents because of being in the opposite gender mode.

This was so disconcerting I almost started taking testosterone to overwhelm the female side and at least stop switching back and forth, even though my bird photography and much of my personality came from my female side.

But I accidentally discovered that a local Thai evergreen herb, derris scandens, caused my two gender sides to blend, so that now I see myself as androgyne and can remember everything, all the time.

It also sharpened my eyesight and got rid of dyslexia symptoms so that I could remember numbers easily.

I also realized that certain family members, although not as gender switched as I am, had also been skipping back and forth between sides of their brains, hence not remembering things they'd said.

Being dyslexic, there was limited communication between the two hemispheres of their brains, so they didn't notice it.

birdingnut 8 Jan 30
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I had a very close friend for many years that was a demi but she referred to it as being Two Spirit. She says she was always very aware of the 2 distinct people living inside of her. Unfortunately, due to being raised not only in the Mormon Church AND having a bit of a whacko for a mother, it wasn't until later in life that she could really explore what that meant to her and by then the LDS had her feeling a bit terrified of admitting it out loud.
She did manage to split ties with the church after her mom died and luckily was half Native American. She went to her Tribal Leaders, where she felt safe to talk and according to them, 2 Spirits, as they refer to it, were once the most respected and cherished among the tribe. They were almost like gods and could bridge gaps between feuding romantic partners as they understood both sides. This gave her peace in who she was and embraced her demi.
I related to her as a woman so I always referred to her as a "her". Others in her life connected to her as a man and used "he". She accepted both but did feel the strongest pull from her male.
She was strong and caring and the best of both sides and I do regret we were unable to maintain our friendship. I miss her terribly.
However, she never mentioned any memory loss and I find that you experiencing that may require further examination.

Yes, they honor "two-spirits" in the Cherokee tribe (I'm distantly related to Cherokee through my mom). My daughter recently became part-time shaman for one of her tribe groups, and joins both men's and women's ceremonies since she identifies with both.

When I return to live near her in Lexington, KY, I might join a local tribe group, but I doubt I'd be a shaman. I played that role for most of my life because I, and my mom and sister, were born highly psychic.

People knew, all my friends knew that they could ask me anything and I'd somehow know the answer, we used ESP to communicate in Haiti, since we MKs didn't have phones, and I never wore a watch but always knew the exact time. If someone had trouble with a pet they'd ask me to think to the animals and ask what was wrong and what to do, and I could.

My daughter uses this power to ask the race horses who will win at the track, but I don't know how they know, unless the races are fixed, or something. But she always wins, although she sets a winnings limit so as not to rip off Keeneland Race Track.

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I had a very similar reaction to @RavenCT This sounds like a version of DID/multiple personalities. All of the gendered behavior you describe is mostly learned and not biological. This does not in any way invalidate your experience but maybe this herb allows you to merge these 2 compartmentalized selves? I say this as an outsider attempting to understand but mansplaining and your description of your interactions with others can be part of our gendered selves but it does not have to be. There is an overlap between feminine and female and masculine and male but most of the feminine and masculine is cultural and not biological. I've heard similar stories to yours and it sounds like this herb you're using is an amazing discovery. I think I'm going to look it up and see what else it's being used for. Thank you for sharing.

I thought so too, until I realized I was gender fluid. I had no choice but to see the difference when in the opposite gender modes.

As a male, I only wanted to build my latest ideas for inventions, hang out at my favorite bar and girl watch (without lust, but just appreciation for beauty, since I'm demisexual), crack jokes, scratch my (nonexistent) b-lls in the morning, hang with my male friends talking politics.
This side loved violent action movies with plenty of car chases and crashes.

I thought all chicks, of every age, were hot. I also was obedient to them when they ordered me around, so I had to keep my distance to defend keep my male side from being taken advantage of by the lady teachers, who kept asking me to do favors for them.

The male side of me usually took over when I was driving my motorbike..which is a good thing for driving in Thailand! I also strode along boldly, with stiff, brisk strides, and if any male tried to ogle me, I'd immediately, and automatically, meet his glance with an intimidating glare. I tended to become belligerent if a male dissed me by implying I was a sissy.

But I let females do and say whatever they wanted, opened doors for them, bought them things, didn't take anything they said to me seriously, tried to take care of them by walking on the street side, etc.

My female side was the side that was the bird photographer, was fussy, critical, always second-guessing, tended to become discouraged and depressed about my progress in any given effort. This side of me maintained a strict diet, watched chick flicks and emotional movies, was VERY picky about men who wanted to date me. They had to have certain education levels and income to even be considered.

Before I discovered the derris scandens I used certain tricks to jump me back into female mode. For instance, while camping at the Mu Ko Similan national marine park, Thailand, when I discovered that my male side was attracting giggling chicks in bikinis, and my female side didn't want to pay hard-earned money for their drinks, I just thought about going birding, and that reverted me instantly back to the female side, so I could then make an excuse and disappear.

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The gender-related part of your post made me think of Jungian psychology, in which the anima (feminine inner personality of a man) and animus (masculine inner personality of a woman) are two aspects of the unconscious. I'm not sure if this theory has ever been used to explain gender identities, however.

Everyone is on a gender spectrum-there are no "pure" males or females.

The Asians know that everyone is a blend of female and male energies, as in "yin and yang." In Thailand, people tend to be very mixed gender..females usually have slender 10 year old boy figures until their thirties, men are often slender and graceful until 40 yrs old.

@birdingnut I used to live in Asia, so I know what you're saying.

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I would put no label on you. Every human is different.

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I'm looking into research behind trans people and their transformation and I'll admit I'm a stickler for evidence and peer review, but I've never heard of a person having an experience like yours. You would switch back and forth and not remember what happenedd before? And you took something and it fixed it? I would go early see someone about this.... it's unique and not inconsequential.

As far as not understanding do to not having experience, that's just conformation bias. This should b looked at objectively. Also I wanted to throw out that your male side(at last in my experience) was more interested in stereotypes of men than real male behaviors.

@PaulRecomStop LOL! Funny how people think they know what others are experiencing. Mansplaining.
Oh, well, I do it also. I can be as rude and overbearing as many American males.

I was always like a male. My family and friends treated me as a default male when I was growing up. I was just like my brothers..pushy, rude, thought girls were stupid, taunted my male playmates and called them "girls" if they couldn't keep up with me or were afraid at how high we climbed in a mango tree.

I didn't know anything about gender issues. My mom called me a "tomboy" and accepted me, because she was similar in that aspect.

But when I hit puberty, I had trouble. When my body started changing I was struck with horror. I prayed frantically for God to make my legs straight and beautiful again, instead of getting all those fat lumps on them.

I went on to fumble through playing female, even got married and had two kids, but acted more like a "dad" than a mom, in my being the playful, rough-and-tumble one who taught them to climb trees, ride horses, skip stones on the pond, ice skate, etc.

My daughter is just like me..she considers herself a nonbinary androgyne, and is slightly transmale, but some days she says that, but other days denies she ever said it.

@birdingnut you kind of just ignored everything I said in an effort to bee insulting. You forgot a period of your life..... daily. That is a problem. I would love for you to show me any doctor that says it's no big deal to randomly forget periods of your life. Call it man splaining or call it wat it is, mentally ill.

@birdingnut and as far as knowing what you experienced, I surmised what you said, so unless your own account of your experience can't be trusted I'm not sure what your talking about. Once again your opinion is just that, your account of your experience is much more important and significantly more rare I would think (ie I wouldn't think most people regularly forgot parts of their life)

If the western medical community was interested in natural remedies, like derris scandens, that they can't synthesize and patent for a huge price, they wouldn't be blocking cannabis oil, natural cancer cures, etc.

If you have faith in them, you are an optimistic person who probably is making a killing in the stock market right now.

@birdingnut I just wish you could address the conversation, but it doesn't seem like your interested in that. Had a good one.

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Very interesting and insightful discussions. Thanks for sharing and letting others learn.

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there are times i mentally identify more as male then female and vice versa. i don't have memory lose from it but there are times i'm more aggressive and there are times i'm very feminine. i do have mild dyslexia when i become overly tired, anxious or agitated( makes arguments hard) i'm interested in seeing how derris scandens works works for me..
thank you for the incite on the forgetful relatives, i to have relatives like this

Kodi Level 4 Jan 30, 2018

You can order bottles of capsules of derris scandens from both amazon and e-bay. But I can't guarantee my results for someone who has different hormone balance issues than I have, etc.

I have no idea how it fixes the gender fluid issues, and don't know if it will help a different gender identity issue.

But, at least the the medical reviews I read online said they'd been tested for long-term use for pain management, and there were no side effects, so you could try them. If nothing else, they're always going to be good muscle relaxers.

Also, when I was taking the pills by the handful for severe back pain, I found that six capsules put me into a sort of cannabis-like "zen"-like state where time seemed to stand still, and I knew that all energy was connected. I couldn't get angry with anyone because we were all one.

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Can only partially relate, am extremely dyslexic, and my mind seems to be compartmentalized, I can have multiple views on topics. I have never been able to write down a number while looking at it, always had to memorise it first. I am ok with my dyslexia, and even my autism, I am used to them now, any change would off balance me.

2

Makes me wonder if this is the origin of dissociative identity disorder? I am somewhat split brained in how I think but I remember fully. (How my brain halves work are equally which is not the norm.).

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