Men who cannot express their feelings
"Did you miss me?" I asked merrily. A man of few words, whom I have dated on-and-off for three years, stopped by.
Inevitably, I get frustrated by his poor communication skills and break it off. He is unable to talk about his feelings.
"When you are gone, there is a hole in my life, and a hole in my heart," he replied.
That was poetic. I don't want to read too much into his words. Some may guess he loves me. I assume he's lonely.
His actions do not show that he cares about me. He often disappears for weeks on fishing trips, and doesn't call or reply to my texts. Radio silence. That feels awful.
That's the trouble with men who can't express their feelings. You're left guessing.
Why do I keep trying? I have a high libido and he is an extraordinary lover.
"This is against my better judgment," I said with a grin, crawling on top of him naked. He laughed. Then all hell broke loose.
10
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30 comments (26 - 30)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.To answer some of your questions, I explained more in my post.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Oct 9, 2018
0
I firmly believe that actions do speak louder than words and his actions would suggest that he's not all in. Your profile states you're open to meeting men, so you're not all in either.
So, are you frightened of losing what you do have? If he rocks up, says something nice and you end up in the sack, where's the motivation, for either of you, to make this any different?
Have you broken it off? Does he know/think you've broken it off? Has it been broken off before and then started up again?
I would have thought that the very fact you've made this post would suggest you, at the very least, have some unfinished emotional and possibly physical business.
There's lot of details missing to really know the whole deal but essentially if you put a bunch of ingredients together and they make a cake then if you put all those ingredients together again, in the same way, you'll end up with the same cake. If you really want something different then change the ingredients.
Maybe what you have is safe, maybe it's what you want, maybe this whole dynamic is exactly what makes it work (the way it does) Only you know for sure. 
ipdg77
Level 8
Oct 9, 2018
0
Yes, I have repeatedly broken off with him.
He knows I am meeting men through online dating, looking for a man who is more compatible.
Sex is a powerful draw.
@LiterateHiker So it's all good then?
No. I get frustrated with the way he disappears on fishing trips with men, and does not call or return my texts. Radio silence.
This is hurtful. Although I have talked with him about this repeatedly, he falls back into the same habits.
Earlier this year, he asked:
"Do you want to be my f-ck buddy, girlfriend or wife?"
Although I chose "girlfriend," nothing changed. Radio silence continued.
@LiterateHiker So there appears to be an imbalance here. You want more and he doesn't appear to. If you were given choices, and those were the three on offer, he doesn't give a shit. At the moment you're a fuck buddy, so you have a choice. Stay that way or bite the bullet and bug out. But if the sex is that good and you don't want to give it up then you're going to have to compromise, or more to the point keep doing the same and put up with it.
You are right.
The fact that you had to ask him if he missed you was a red flag!
patchoullijulie
Level 8
Oct 9, 2018
0
@patchoulljulie
Why do you say that? I said it merrily, as a joke. Are you blaming me for his behavior?
@LiterateHiker No, not at all. I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I mean't that if he was the person you wanted him to be, that he would be more forthcoming in his feelings for you...which weighs in on your statement. In other words he should be telling you that he misses you and not put you in a place where you have to ask. Does that make sense?
Yes, your explanation makes sense. Actually, our conversation went like this:
Me: It's good to see you! I missed you. Did you miss me?
Him: When you are gone, there is a hole in my life, and a hole in my heart.
@LiterateHiker ...and I agree men do seem to have problems with their feelings. I love it when I meet men who feel strong enough as a person/man to show their emotions.
What I will say is not what I thing is right, it's simply observation of the average and most common.
Men are taught to never show feelings, to never give the others something to explore. It is difficult to change this stonewall behaviour.
More than that we are trained to take care and protect first. And that's how you show the feelings.
If you are in pain or feeling bad, go take care of it by yourself, don't bother the ones you love and don't show a possible competitor that you are in a weak moment.
When you are feeling good, distribute your happiness with the ones you love.
This is hammered down since childhood, a 30 years old man can try but he will never be completely free from this process. The only hope is the next generation.
Pedrohbds
Level 7
Oct 10, 2018
1
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