I tend to let other people reach out to me and make plans. This is because I feel very insecure about my ability to discern when my company isn't wanted. I come from a very socially backwards family and have realized that I was pushing my friendship on others when it wasn't wanted. I'm trying to get better about reaching out but for now, my friends are people who are comfortable being the ones who make the most effort. I focus on trying to just accept others where they are at and not get offended if they decide they don't want to associate with me.

I have experienced a similar situation. I have a friend who I love dearly, but I was the one putting all the effort into getting together. At one point I decided that I was going to back off and not put all the effort and energy into spending time with this friend. We keep in contact, but rarely spend much time together. I recently saw this friend and they mentioned how we need to get together sometime soon. I said, yes. Whenever you want. I am a pretty flexible person when it comes to my time. A month has already gone by and there has been no word about it since. I don't expect to get any suggestions or invites in the near future. It is what it is. I remember an old saying on a piece of stone that my Mother gave to my brother that read: "There are those that make things happen, those that want things to happen, and those that wonder what has happened." It is easier to say you want to do something and do nothing, than it is to make the effort. Surround yourself with doers, or sit at home and do nothing. The choice is yours.

Good advice... my motto is... take a little.. give a little. The old compromise. Hey , it's your turn to call me, make the plans, pay for lunch, and so on. Get up front with that.
My wifes good friend used my wife. My wife got drunk and said something to piss off her friend. The friend (detached) from my wife after all the help she did for her. Her friend just cut her loose instead of returning the favors and carrying some of the new load. People are selfesh when theres an easy way out for them. They learn a new word and use it like a shield of getting out of paying back . I said screw her... you got other friends. Anyway.... it's all about tack when working with others. Tack!

It is called using tact in your communication. I know I've been accused of not being very tactful

You made it sound like they were a chore. What difference does it make if you are the one initially messaging them or the one asking to do things? Do they have meaningful enough conversations with you and do they accept your invitations to do things? Is it possible you were insecure thinking they don't like you much because they don't initiate these things? I mean it's obviously what you prefer to do and who you want to be friends with ultimately. Not saying either of you are wrong. On the other hand, maybe they really didn't like you and were looking for an excuse to not talk to you anymore.

They asked for your thoughts, and told them. What could possibly go wrong.

What was your objective? Did you want the relationship to end? If not, could you have been a tad more diplomatic? Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

in cases like you described i find it most conducive to clarity AND amiability at the same time if i express my feelings from my perspective only, not touching on the other's appearance, not judging them. for example: "i feel drained of energy after our encounters." or "i can not keep up the effort to sustain our friendship." or "i do not feel appreciated as a friend." the other person may still be upset, but at least you know to have been honest & open without assessing him/her.

That is interesting. A conversation closed where I am, just moments ago about a mutual "friend" of the same nature. He is not really a bad person but his game grows old for anyone around him long.

I suppose you could have made your point more delicately. But it seems like it was a relationship that was on its last legs anyway.