Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

No? So you're the one...

... I’ve never had so much fun with my clothes on....

... I couldn’t get lucky in a woman’s prison with a handful of pardons...

5 out of 4 people don’t understand fractions.

A congressman was stumping in a state with a lot of Native Americans, so he went out to the reservation to make a speech.
"If I'm elected I'll bring prosperity to your tribe!"
All the people cheered "Hoya! Hoya!"
Encouraged, the Congressman went on, "I will always make sure you have justice in the courts!"
More cheers.

After the speech, the congressman, feeling happy about his reception, asked if he could look at some of the tribal cattle in a nearby field.
One of the Indians said, "Sure, but be careful not to step in any hoya!"

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

It only takes one psychologist to change a light bulb, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

What did the atheist dyslexic insomniac think about all night?
Whether or not there really was a dog.

98% of all statistics are made up!

Math is the only subject that counts.