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The state of being lonely.

I'm not really looking for any answers, I'm just musing here...

I'm 43. I've been single for about 8 years after my one and only relationship of 6 years.

I have some friends but none close. I'm an introvert and making new friends is tough (guess that's part of why I'm here).

I'm lonely and it hits me more and more often lately.
Ultimately I'm looking for a life partner. A woman who is my best friend and will be by my side until we die. Yet I'm not desperate--I'm not actively seeking someone for that roll (beyond joining websites such as these--which is more just putting myself out there); I have the belief that it has to come naturally.

I realize this is somewhat unrealistic and I can't expect someone to just fall into place, that I have to act on it if I expect something to happen. Maybe that's why I'm writing this post, a kind of 'passive aggressive' feeler.

Xenocat 6 Feb 4

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It's really hard to meet people. I mostly work and go home. I keep telling myself I'll get involved in things to meet people but I keep putting it off. I just don't seem to have the energy by the time I get through the work week lol. Guess I'll keep waiting for the friend stork to drop off my new BFF ..... cause that strategy has been working SO well ?


I think we needs some groups just for introverts, and we should learn how to really party. But I wouldn't go, I don't like groups.
I am alone more than not, I have come to accept it as a big part of who I am.
I won't suggest dating sites, I think the answer is if you decide you really want to find a nice lady, you have to increase your circle of contacts. If you find one in ten women your age attractive, and one in ten of those would go out with you, then if you meet 200 women, 20 would be attractive and 2 would go out with you. Its a numbers game.

@Zenocat Which half? I understand what you mean.


I'm sorry. After reading your post I know you're lonely and you want to date your best friend. But what does this look like for you? My best friends give me space. Sometimes they've viven me literal decades worth of space.

A lot of my other friends value a shared history over an easy intimacy. I'm less close with these friends. Not because I care less for these people, but because we don't share the same relationship currency.

So, I'm asking you do your friends treat you? Why do those relationships work? Now you know what qualities to look for in a dating partner.


I hear you, I stopped talking about my loneliness in America since it doesn't attract positive responses.... Instead, I trained myself to be who I am.

There are less married people than single people in America right now. If that's helps.

@RavenCT single people who are too full of themselves?

@0752532706 I can't really say. I'm sure some are but I know I am not.


types up four paragraphs of unsolicited advice
reads OP again

Good luck, bro. 🙂


Hi. I have been struggling with something similar and I was lucky enough to make a friend who's helped me grow a lot lately. Start by spending more time with people you already know and like. It's hard to start. Genuinely listen to them and try to focus on the things you appreciate about them. Then find some strangers and do the same thing. It's something I've been practicing for Little bit now and I find I'm suddenly connecting with friends,old and new, in a deeper way. It's tough and you have to "fake it till you make it" at first but it's truly worth it.


I'm 3 months shy of being single for 2 years. (My newest post yet to be seen) I'm not actively looking either. I thought being single for nearly 2 years was bad. 8?

being single isnt a bad thing

I'd rather be single than in a relationship where I can't be me. Been there, done that. I've been single for 13 years. Dated a little here and there but none of the relationships went anywhere. Not lonely, though -- or at least, not most of the time. I have satisfying work, many enjoyable activities, and terrific friends both male and female. I think it matters what you're looking for.


I know how you feel. Humans are so lonely....surrounded by others, yet still alone. I hope it works out for you.

marga Level 7 Feb 4, 2018

Welcome, and good luck!


Nothing ventured, nothing gained my friend. I wish you the best in your life journey of discovery and fulfillment.

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