Does having a friend with benefits hinder you from finding the relationship that you truly want?
Not at all, I have friends with benefits,
it all ceases if one gets into a relationship, but can and has resumed if both are again single at some point. I have a friend arriving this afternoon for 4 days, we have a few project things to attend to, she puts her gear in my bedroom as soon as she gets here, I may or may not sleep in that room the next few nights. The adjoining room is my other bedroom so no problems except for dogs, she brings hers and the dogs play musical rooms all night as they can't work out where they should be. Have known her about 16 years, we have both gone off in other relationships during that time, both single at the moment. The fact that she is extremely cute doesn't hurt and causes all sorts of comments from my students when we go to the beach. I don't have secrets, she is not my only friend with benefits at the moment.
This is a great question. I have wondered this over the years (especially when I had a FWB). I oscillate between thinking a FWB is "as good at it gets these days" or thinking that's not good enough.
Personally, the FWB loses it's interest for me and since I've never left one person to be with another, I stopped. I didn't want to be casually seeing someone who I didn't have super deep feelings for and have someone great come along.
Now that I'm older, I find monogamous relationships to be more meaningful. I know it's different for everyone. (I've mentioned this book before and I'll mention it again, because it helped me figure out that polyamory isn't for me.... It's entitled Love in Abundance).
When my ex ex gf and I broke things off, she begged for sex, so I told her that the only way I would do that is if she understands that it would stop when I find someone I’m interested in, and she agreed. I did not talk to her much after, but I don’t feel guilty because I told her exactly what would happen, she bothered me for 2years after that.
Currently I have what I would call sex acquaintances, just a couple people I know and trust, if in the future I find a love interest, I would cease activity when I meet my interest. New lovers do not need to know your past lovers, but I agree they should not overlap, otherwise everyone involved needs to know and accept or not.
If I liked her enough to be a good friend, and we have physical chemistry, then we'll date. If I can't appreciate her personality enough to date her, shacking up occasionally isn't going to be much fun either.
I've declined to pursue interests because they had a FWB on the side. There's something lost to a budding relationship if one of you can get laid anytime already, imho.
I've never been interested in casual sex, so I've never had a FWB-type relationship. I think for some people it provides a simple sexual release and doesn't influence their lives otherwise, while other people seem to get involved more emotionally and maybe don't invest time into finding a deeper connection as a result. I think it's different for everyone.
It could get you comfortable being where your at. But on the other hand you may consider the friend giving you the benefits. The same may be happening to them... I wouldn't worry about it. I like the idea of friends with benefits but I would have to know that it's not going to hurt them. That were just getting wild and crazy...
I had a long term friend with benefits off and on for about 8 years. Our friendship didn't end because either of us got attached. Hell, we would hang out together outside of the bedroom all the time. It was almost like we had an open relationship lol. Our friendship ended because she lied to me and said she was trying to look out for me by offering me something. My bullshit meter went off and I stopped talking to her and told her to never contact me again. She had married a guy from Africa just to give him citizenship. She got some change for it. It was 15,000. She offered me a deal to marry some woman that needed citizenship from Africa. I think she said she was a doctor. I told her I wasn't interested. She kept persisting and acted like she was really looking out for me and said it would be 10,000 for me and the woman is a doctor. When I heard 10,000 it pretty much enraged me. I knew right there that she wasn't "looking out for me", but wanted the extra 5,000 that vanished from what I was offered lol. Like I said, I wasn't interested anyway, but it pissed me off.
Anyway, back on topic. When we were friends with benefits, if I met someone I wanted a relationship with then I would stop messing with my friend with benefits and stick to the girl i was interested in relationship wise. So no, having a friend with benefits has never hindered me from trying to have a relationship that I wanted.
It would for me. If I were to go into a FWB relationship, that would have to be the only one and the same with my "friend". If either of us wanted to pursue another relationship, ours would have to end. I can only do one intimate relationship at a time, I don't know how others can juggle multiples.