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How do we stop young men ending their life? How do we fix the depression epidemic amongst young men?

The biggest killer of young males in the developed world is suicide

That is a fact. It kills more than cancer. More than road traffic accidents. More than any palpable disease. Yet it's barely spoken off.

GuitarDoctor 7 Nov 17
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Teach them that there's nothing wrong with feelings and to not be ashamed about speaking up and asking for help. We tell men they have to be "tough" and "man up" -- that needs to change.

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To be sure of causes, we would need to know to what extent this is happening in other cultures. Cultures that emphasis the family, the community, over the individual. The liberal values of the west (free speech, freedom from religion, equal rights,...) are all about the individual.

So, to what extent is our focus individual responsibility and the resulting isolation (especially by the right-religious) is a root cause.

And we must include middle-aged white men coming to grips with lives that included little of what was expected.

"""
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
"""
Henry David Thoreau

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A quick question and suggestion about depression among men. Does anyone know if part of the problem is under diagnosis? I came across a commentary years ago, (I have no idea where) suggesting that depression among men is under diagnosed because the symptoms for many men are misleading; a large number of depressed men appear not to be 'sad' or 'blue,' but chronically angry, which is not well known as a symptom. Does anyone know if there's any validity to that?

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Teaching emotional intelligence. Definitions of different feelings and what to do about them. To stop making men think their worth is directly tied to their bank account, heterosexuality (or sexual conquest success) or penis size.
Making help (long before suicide is an option) available. Whether it is emotional, financial, or just someone acting like they care. If after all that they still want to, there's nothing you can do to prevent it.

Depression is a disease, it's not an emotion. We're not SAD, we're depressed. You can't coddle us to health. We need drugs and therapy.

@celticagent That would be the help part before it gets that far. I actually watched a documentary on the subject and a lot of men who tried but failed suicide cited the above as contributing factors.

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And the reason to stop them is?

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My son killed himself in 2001 at age 21. He was doing too many pain killers, I found out later. He was angry, unhappy and he hated his life. He ended up hanging himself while I was doing my Sunday visit at my parents house. He planned his death and executed it. I wondered why he couldn't use his intelligence and planning to figure out how to live.

I'm sorry for your loss.

They're trying to escape the pain. When you're in that head space it doesn't matter how smart you are.
Things that don't help are being raised to "squish" feelings, not having any means of unloading or expressing oneself so the dark gets bottled up. There is a lot of shame no matter the gender , despite all the "awareness" over feeling depressed.

The book Hyperbole & a Half explains it perfectly, the shame of being life threateningly depressed when there appears to be no reason.

I also believe the study that showed people prone to depression don't process cortisol as well as "normal" people needs further investigation, as it would explain how someone can appear to "have it all" and still check out, as good stress raises cortisol levels just as bad stress.

I'm so sorry.

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I have known a few young people who have killed themselves.
All girls between 7 and 15. All theists, two by hanging.

The suicide that sticks in my mind is a note from a 7th grade girl, found beneath her hanging body by her friends. It read, "I have killed myself so I can live forever with my dead father and Jesus in heaven."

The other girl who hung herself in an outdoor shelter of the local golf course was younger and a big time church goer. I never found out why she killed herself but I imagine religion may have had something to do with it.

As for boys, A few years back our local public broadcasting aired a story about how a church changed the environment for a Native in regards to accepting gay people. Winkte (pronounced wink tay) is Lakota for gay - traditionally it was an accepted life. When the church became involved, (preaching anti gay) friends of a gay boy became his enemy - they stripped and beat him after school. He killed himself. If memory serves, two boys met similar abuse and both killed themselves

SARCASM ALERT (Thanks Christians)

Removing dishonest and irrational faith (belief without evidence) asserted as truth (demonstrable with evidence) assertions may be a step in the correct direction.

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Back in the 80s, I worked as a secretary for a county information and referral agency. They also ran a suicide awareness and prevention program. I underwent the training, and became a volunteer for the crisis-intervention hotline. I totally agreed with the policies they had, and always said that suicide was a permanent solution to what was usually a temporary situation.

Over the subsequent decades, I've really changed how I feel about suicide.

I have come to believe that everyone has the right to end their lives, as they see fit, for whatever reasons they believe they have, whenever they decide the time is right for them.
I don't see suicide as cowardly, or the act of a weak person.
I see it as a final act of bravery of someone who is exhausted from dealing with life, and whatever kind of pain they're in.
I have always believed in complete personal autonomy.
That includes making the decision to end one's life.

I also think the planet is overpopulated, so anyone taking themselves out of the
equation is doing something good for humanity and the planet. I'm not going to
fault anyone for their decision to end their life.

I don't expect anyone to agree with me, which is fine. Everyone is entitled to
think whatever they please.

@powder You get to feel about it any way you please. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong.

I agree that it's a "selfish" act, but so what? Almost everything we choose to do can be considered a selfish act in one way or another.
The negative connotations of "selfishness" come from religion, and society feeling the need to tell everyone how they "should" behave.

Humans are selfish by nature. I'm not going to demonize anyone for being selfish, as long as they aren't harming anyone else.
And before you (or anyone else says it) say it, suicide may effect others on an emotional level, but they need to learn how to get over it. It had nothing to do with them (in most cases), and it's a societal thing for the living to make everything about them. Another example of human selfishness.

@powder What difference does it make what they're thinking? That's their business. No one else's.

It's doubtful your intervention would have made any difference, but believe whatever makes you feel better. It IS all about you and what you think should happen, and what people should do.

I agree with one exception. Many times people thinking about suicide don't have access to help and that's what makes it so tragic. My grandfather committed suicide after a long battle with cancer (this was before assisted suicide became legal in OR and he had to do it with a shotgun. My grandma found him which I can't even imagine.
While it couldn't help him, I'm forever grateful assisted suicide is available to others) I think in his case, suicide is a viable option. He had reached the end of treatments he was willing to suffer through and didn't want to be in pain anymore. But I hate to think of the gay or trans kid who lives with an oppressive family who thinks there's no way out. It can get better for some.

I see suicide as a waste of life. I believe that only the terminally ill who have nothing ahead but prolonged misery might reasonably consider exiting life. We have not yet conquered death to the point where it's rational to believe we have accomplished everything we might ever desire, and that we have given enough to our society that a chosen death is sensible, just a matter of having exhausted all possibilities. Until life is so long that we literally run out of things to do, suicide is wasted potential, a total loss for the human race.

@alliwant You are entitled to believe whatever you want.

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it is not barely spoken of. the internet is full of stats and studies. how to stop it, i do not know, but i do know it's not a secret.

g

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