Psychologists Explain How to Deal with the Nightmare that is Thanksgiving Dinner
Fear of failure.
Social expectations placed on women.
Picky eaters.
Toxic family relationships.
“Love cannot be based on performance,” a psychologist said. “And when it is, its partner is performance anxiety."
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I dread family time every year. The annual disappointment parade.
CommonHuman
Level 7
Nov 19, 2018
1
So do I. It makes for a long, depressing holiday season that I try to fill with as much friend time as possible....
I'm glad the group is in touch with the fact that many families are toxic and with those it's best to stay away from them and be with friends-if available-or go it alone if not. The local Unitarian church hosts a TG dinner event at someone's home precisely because they are aware of this issue as well as the fact that some of its members may not have any family to be with at all due to distance away or deaths. Also it is common among Unitarians for them to be estranged from their believer families of origin, so the church is filling in for those in that situation. I will be joining two of my siblings and their spouses on TG where my father lives, even tho we are not on good terms, because my father is 90 yo, in bad health and not likely to be around that much longer. Once he's gone, I doubt I will have anything to do with them or my brother.
To read the women's profiles on Match, it sounds like all of them grew up with close, happy families and still have those kind of relationships with their original families and their kids. But since the vast majority of them are divorced, we here know that's not the case and better than that........Ah, but to admit the reality would seem so...un-Christian?.........If I were not seeing my father because it's important to him and me at this stage, I would be attending the Unitarian TG dinner even tho I haven't attended the church for almost two years. That's what I'll be doing most likely after he dies when they offer holiday events as all but one of my local friends is married and have their own holiday gatherings.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Nov 19, 2018
1
What little family I have left are several states away. But being as they're all super Christians, I have little motivation to want to visit. It's gets tiresome in the middle of all the "holies", and prayers and such. Also, not being a meat eater, puts me in even more of a minority, so if I can't find humans to comfortably spend time with, I go it alone. I tend to do something outside - a hike, kayak somewhere, or happily retreat at home !
evergreen
Level 8
Nov 19, 2018
2
TG in my family is a nice time. We eat, play music together, or listen to music performed by the nieces and nephews, eat some more, then go for a long walk somewhere. We love to catch up and talk about whatever. Any chance I get to see my parents is a good one. They are both in their 80s and sharp as tacks...
GuitarDoctor
Level 7
Nov 19, 2018
2
I host Thanksgiving with my family and whomever they want to bring...we usually have between 13-20 people each year. I make the same things every year, adding a few new things, especially since now some of the kids are vegan or gluten intolerant...it is a lot of work, but we enjoy the process and everyone leaves with food so I am not over run with leftovers.
Whoever wants to gets bundled up after dinner to go for a walk in the woods by the creek. Sometimes we do crafts and people can watch tv if they want...the only one rule I have is no cell phones...they have to go outside for that and smoking.
We have had some really bad goofs and a few trips to the emergency room, but generally, it has been memorable for all. Anyone not having a place to go will be welcomed...c'mon over....dinner at 4 pm sharpish....
thinktwice
Level 8
Nov 19, 2018
2
oh WARNING: Our dog and our cats also attend...everyone is asked not to feed them table scraps no matter how much they beg...right..... lol
I don't have Thanksgiving with any of my family any more. I have friends that I've spent Thanksgiving with on and off for the last 20 years or so. She has stage 4 cancer. I wouldn't dream of spending it with anyone else, including my family.
sewchick57
Level 7
Nov 19, 2018
0
That's why they're halfway across the country from me. And ne'er the twain shall meet.
memorylikeasieve
Level 7
Nov 19, 2018
1
As soon as my brother finished undergraduate college, he moved halfway across the country and since then he has never lived within 1000 miles of the rest of our family (who all live in the middle of the US). Since the late 80s he's lived in Puerto Rico. I said to my parents and other siblings at the time he moved away from the rest of us to the east that he was "getting a divorce from the family", but no one took me seriously. Time has only proven me right. So I totally get your point. At least you are honest about the state of things, unlike my family, including my brother.
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