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Why does it seem like when you are not in a relationship you can't find anyone? But as soon as you are in a relationship, people start coming out of the woodwork?

I've had this happen multiple times over my life. Anytime I'm in a relationship I find more people reaching out to me looking for dates. If I'm available, then it's silence and crickets. Anyone else have this happen to them? If so, why do you think that occurs? Are we just more relaxed when in a relationship, and people pick up on that vibe? Thoughts?

SteveB 7 Feb 12

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When you are alone, you are not as confident or comfortable in your skin and this shows.

When you are in a relationship, you are confident and it shows.

People are attracted to confidence. Even when it's subconcious it shows.

That is my theory, and I am sticking with it. It also happens to fit my lifes experience. πŸ™‚



Yes. There's probably an unconscious change in the way we carry ourselves.


Great article, thanks for the share. I agree with Rosenthal in that I also believe it's "perception rather than truth". I've seen this pattern in my past (young adult and even today). I've come to the conclusion that when I was younger I was constantly considering the 'missed opportunity'. I now see it as questioning my loyalty to one partner. The good news is that I am now so defined in what I want, and what I don't want, add to that good communication and viola...truth over perception. I should also add, when you are happy, the whole world around you is happy, and they notice it. When you are miserable (or lonely) that shows too. That's my two cents on the topics.


You've made some great points, Nena. Thank you.

@VictoriaNotes Thanks.

@Nena Haha, my brain did an autocorrect, so I saw two, not to. Didn't even see the typo until you just mentioned it. I'd make a sucky editor. πŸ˜€

@SteveB Thanks...and I just noticed we can 'edit' our earlier posts. So we still have a second chance...which might push out your retirement date. Just saying...

@SteveB πŸ˜€


People like what other people like. When you are single and alone, people react by asking: "What's wrong with him?" when you are seen in a relationship, other women think: "She must have found something good about him. I wonder what?"

If you want women to approach you, be seen in the company of a very attractive woman. I always strike conversations with attractive fellow travelers. If she likes me - great. But come what may, other women look and say to themselves that I am interesting.


I think its the way you carry yourself and the wanting what you can't have.

it is only a theory


Because success attracts success.
Plus, if you are in a relationship, you're safe for flirting/side sex, since you won't expect anything out of them.


You are more confident in a relationship about your status. People find it attractive when they know you are capable of finding a mate. Some argue that pheromones have a lot to do with it.


Bahaha. Never fails. Added confidence perhaps?


I know this is politically incorrect, but it is a chick thing. Women are more attracted to a guy when he is already taken (and I hear from my gay friends that the same is true among gay women). I gave certainly noticed it in my own life. I suggest that if you have a female friend you are close to hang out and banter with her like you were couple in the presence of elihinke women, and every once in a while try a little flirts on the side.

@NFAguy53 , C'est la vie. I can feel your pain.


Woot, Steve's back. <3


Is the way it works brother... your posture, your smile, your walk changes... the scent of satisfaction gets in the air. Is the season also. this is the musical chairs period so... nobody wants to be left out. Never show panic. Is the season. Once you are a known commodity. You are the player in the roster to be named or called later.


We carry ourselves differently when we are happy in a relationship, We become more attractive in general I would say. Those things we do, even small things that we do to be pleasing to a one we are with also work to make us more attractive to other persons. If an excess of attractiveness becomes a problem, Just tell them that you are poly and watch them turn on their heels. Lolz!


People can smell the fact you are taken. You only become noticable when you sweat in not available haha


I have been married twice, do not wear a wedding ring. I find that I do not get hit on much. When I did wear the ring it happened all the time. I have asked women why this happens and they basically have told me that if someone else has found me being in a relationship then I would be good in one, but if no one wants me they do not either. Have no idea if this is true as I am married to the love of my life.

I think this is true and from my pov it's the creepy side of some women.

I think the biggest turn off is a wedding ring. Then again, the guys who often hit on me are married men with sob stories about how frigid their wives are, and quite frankly, I don't want to hear it anymore. Not my monkeys, not my circus.


People want what they cannot have. Yes, this happens to me too.. so now I am single and its been way too long and crickets have died and started a new generation once or twice now. You are right about people picking up vibes when you are in a relationship, one doesn't have that sense about them I think.


Definitely moon phases.
I think it it like jobs, when applying fro jobs, once I get one, 5 more offers come up, I think it takes a while for us to put it out there? I have not been online dating for a couple of years, but in recent weeks I have been asked out by a lot of different "real" women who I actually know and have known for some time.

Moon cycles? I'm intreagued by this hypothesis. What makes you draw this conclusion?

@jayneonacobb sorry man, I was just being flippant re the moon phases.

@Rugglesby I've heard people make claims like that before, I'm glad you were not being genuine.


Been there and had that experience many times. I've even had friends of my partners tell her, in front of me, if you guys break up let me know (and there was some flirting).

In Germany I had an upstairs neighbor (American) who was good looking, very outgoing, 6'4" with a good build and had a reputation as the town playboy. He had no trouble getting women (even married ones) because he was 'safe'. Problem was that sometimes a woman would be attracted to him and want to move-in. He often had a part-time live in partner and still went out with others. He is still there and single (but too old and overweight to attract women).

@SteveB Interesting comment. We just had a 50th wedding anniversary. The couple celebrated it at the community center and all were invited. He was engaged with a woman who, later told him it would not work but he was stubborn and continue to pursue her. Her room mate was actually interested and it became a push-pull situation and he eventually married the room mate. He realized later he had made the right choice. The funny part was the adult children 2 boys and a girl enacted the room mate episode in a skit for the crowd. This is the kind of stuff that goes on all the time here.


A watched pot never boils, this has been said many times before to explain this phenomenon.


I seemed to see more interest in the spring . I suspect it's because the sports programs on TV take a little break before baseball starts .



Lani Level 5 Apr 16, 2018

I don’t know. It’s never happened to me.

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