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When its more than physical. More than sex. When you step out of your comfort zone just to show them you care. When you drop everything and head for them to insure they are ok regardless of yourself. When you give them your right hand just so you can hold their left. When your not just lovers but best friends.
When they let go or go astray. Confusing thoughts swarm your head. And lay next to them wondering who else has been in your spot in your bed. When the truth comes out and they confess to everything like you are their savior.
When your love for them goes cold and the flame dies down in that instant. All the time wasted on loving them when the were loving anyone who asked. When you lose your best friend because you became lovers and can't let go of their past.
To the one who realized what they had after they lost it all.
When you no longer think of white dresses and family outings together.
When you carry a small ember of the raging fire that use to be you and me. I wish you would set me free. Stop asking if we will ever be. Our family is gone and all that is left is the kids and I.
I never thought I would lose you. Lose my only friend. My best friend.
AMS

Jswearingen92 5 Feb 13

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21 comments

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6

Very well written, excellent prose and wonderful communication of your feelings... and I know of what you speak. At least, from the perspective of my wife, who I found because her husband treated her as you have described above. Until she had her love for him turned to anger. I was lucky to have her find me. In being faithful to her until the end, I hope that I helped her to recover from that anger and realize that it doesn't have to be that way. Our relationship wasn't flawless, but I am happy I was there to hold her hair when times were really bad, and that three of the last six words we each spoke to the other were "I love you."

It can get better. You just have to find that someone.

5

I'm not going to tell you it's easy, but the pain subsides. It's been almost two decades since my ex and I separated, but for a few years now all I've felt is regret that I was stupid enough to stay as long as I did.
On the other hand, I have two amazing children; so it wasn't a total waste of time.

JimG Level 8 Feb 14, 2018
5

Crossing over to the adult world is tough. You look to be doing it earlier than many of your generation. Good for you.

4

Exquisite pain is what I call it. I have lived it, and still have an ember or two from it in me.

JK666 Level 7 Feb 14, 2018

Excellent way of putting this plight! I used to live off of that pain...not anymore. It was such a waste.

3

I really dislike being lied to and it is the deal killer for me in ANY relationship or association. You much better stringing words together I am and I thank you for the thoughtful prose.

3

Thanks for your beautiful and poignant share. It is the inner pain that is hardest to soothe.

3

That was extremely well expressed. I doubt that anyone who hasn't gone through that can completely grasp what you have expressed there, but as someone who is going through something similar right now, I can tell you that every nuance of the pain and the betrayal that you expressed comes through loud and clear. In my case certain aspects of it are extremely poignant. I can't even bring myself to get angry with her anymore because I've come to realize that she doesn't even have the capacity to truly love, or truly give deeply of herself. That is the very thing that I've aspired to my whole life. Just to be able to have that person that wants nothing more than to be with you. I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but it's one that some are just unable to give because of the demons in their closet that won't allow them to love that completely.

3

Yeah, tough break kid. Let's move on.

3

None of it is ever easy. The passage of time helps. There is no one size fits all answer. You have my sympathy.

3

That's tough. if you can't move past it, just move out, or ask him to move out.

Cheaters always lie and cheat again, no matter what they promise, so any attempt to prolong the relationship is making excuses and delaying in the inevitable.

Like I keep saying, it's men who usually fall in love and become besotted because that keeps them faithful to one woman long enough to raise his progeny, but a woman with male-like loyalty traits is putting herself in danger if she acts like a typical male, staying in denial, taking cheating lovers back, finding excuses to stay together.

Besides, most men don't respect women who are needy and cling to them, preferring more emotionally independent women who don't need them. Most femme women don't take any bad behavior from men, tossing their stuff onto the lawn and changing the locks at the first sign of disrespect.

2

Welcome to life on planet earth. I wish you well.

2

I've been single almost 2 years. Time heals wounds.

2

Sometimes the hardest lessons teach us the most.

@Atheistman Really, you will never learn to recognize a lie if you have never been lied to, there are always little clue and inconsistencies we fail to pickup on, learning to be aware of these does not come easy. You may thing this bullshit but if you are aware you will see these bad times as teaching moments in your life. Good times my give you great memories but, mine have taught me near nothing. If you learn nothing from being shot in the foot I pity you for next time you will likely be shot in the head.

you can learn not to make the same mistakes again.

He said "teach you something" not "feel better". Like spotting a troll in a comment section the more you see them the easier they are to spot. With any luck at all there's always something to be learned.

@Atheistman your comment that there's not much you can learn from being lied to is a logical fallacy. It assumes that's the only thing one experiences in the relationship. The lessons may not be in being lied to, but they are always in the pain that we experience from the loss. "A broken heart is an open heart." Don't get me wrong, I hate platitudes as much or more than anyone, but there are lessons to be learned from every relationship, no matter how good or bad, or how or why they ended. You just have to be objective and introspective enough to see them.

@Fearlessfreep Loved your comment.

@Atheistman well, a couple of things. I don't know about anyone else, but I never said one should "just be happy". I wouldn't ever suggest that one should avoid processing the pain and sadness and loss of the end of a relationship. That's completely unrelated to the knowledge and wisdom that one can gain from the healing process. Happiness comes after the healing. And, not to be a stickler, but there's no such thing as emotional intelligence. Intellect is logical, and emotions are anything but.

@Atheistman hmm. Never heard of that. The name seems to contradict itself.

2

My heart aches for you!

1

And he told me in still his valentine ... Like. Why would someone say that endless they meant to hurt you.

Lean on your friends until those little tease attacks stop

1

Unfortunately that happens a lot in life. I have been there and 1 love was lost found and then lost again not because of another but because of alcohol. Alcohol can turn a Dr. Jekyll into a mr (or Ms.) Hyde.

It has also happened that a lover became a best friend. Sometimes we can create a relationship that has gone too far and needs to revert back to the true setting. This woman lasted all of 2 weeks as a lover but we have been best friends for 20 years.

I think you show why it is so important to get to know someone first and take baby steps to a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, one has to hit the wall before one learns.

1

Tragic and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

0

When one door closes another opens

0

Wow. I hope you'll come to a time you'll feel no love was ever in vain.

I remember the good times, even and especially of my three fiances I thought would be "forever".

Forever for me now are the women who came into my life who brought me love, romance, friendship, wonderful moments, greater understanding and our greatest performances...I sent several some online VD cards...

But that's me. I've long since given up any desire of that elusive "one true love".

0

This reminds me of someone I knew a long time ago. Hurts just to read this.

0

Yup

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