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Honesty or kindness

So, I always find myself erring on the side of honesty. And that has gotten me into trouble. What I’ve found is that people aren’t always ready to hear the truth, even if they ask for it. So, the question is; should I continue being honest (in the most polite way) it should I just tell people what they want to fucking hear?!

Alungabardi 4 Dec 12
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12 comments

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1

Much of the time, being honest is being kind. It's telling someone what they need to know, not what they want to hear. You are trying to tell what's in their best interest, insofar as that is possible. Being really blunt about the truth is often not necessary, and can be as counterproductive as anything. Being nice is another matter. Nice is more a matter of trying to make them feel good, even if you smooth some rough edges off the truth a bit. Nice is more sensitive, but not as useful, and can also be carried way too far.

I dig the reply, so thank you. But I’m still perplexed! You say that being nice IS being honest but I’ve seen the opposite. Even though my bluntness is stricken with good intention and kindness, the honesty is not welcome. Especially in the conversations about relationships. People want to hear that they are right more than they want to hear the truth! They just want the truth to equate to them also being right.

@Alungabardi More like what I meant is that kind and nice don't overlap as much as we tend to think. The two are definitely not interchangeable. And I said, "being honest is being kind" much of the time. The uncomfortable but necessary message is kind but not nice. "Nice" is comforting, sometimes to a fault; "kind" more often is less comforting, but more truly useful.

1

Depends on how badly you need friends.

0

What about honesty in a kind way?

0

Maybe strike a balance between the two? It all depends on the situation.

2

Just be honest with me or stay away from me. It is not that difficult.

1

If all you accomplish with the truth is to hurt someone's feelings, l will pass.

0

Either be kind or be silent.

For real? So, is kindness telling someone that they’ve had too much to drink? Is kindness perceived through the receiver or the deliverer?

2

Gentle honesty, if possible..

Varn Level 8 Dec 13, 2018
2

Be honest but break it to them gently! That's what I do.

You, of course, knew the picture here would be posted didn't you?

I was hoping I would get at least one

1

Depends on the circumstances. Both can be right and wrong.

3

I think I would err toward kindness unless it's very important that the truth be known. Surely the "cynical truth"--i.e., telling the truth for the purpose of hurting someone's feelings--should be avoided.

2

I agree to an extent. If you are really trying to be honest and speak the truth. I find that many or most of the people that express this the loudest are just the ones that want to be dominant bullies and disregard the feelings and opinions of anyone that disagrees with them.

MsAl Level 8 Dec 13, 2018
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