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19 5

Why do people do this?

So when you leave someone because of what ever. And yall both single for awhile, why do they assume you want to get back with them? Or say stuff like you know you will always be my valentine. .. Like where was that when we were together? Or how they say stuff like if it makes you feel better in not talking to anyone else. Once again where was that when we were together?

And I admit. I miss having my best friend right next to me at night , but I don't miss wondering who else has been next to him when I was out of town.

Jswearingen92 5 Feb 14

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19 comments

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0

Hes trying to keep you "on the side" until something more permanent comes along. This sort of gaslighting is so emotionally exhausting that. A clean break is the best cure.

0

"Somehow I got put on this list where you think people either care or want to be with you. Please unsubscribe me immediately. Thanks"

0

I can only intelligently speak in reference for things I've done so I don't know why people pine after exes.

1

Nothing of note that hasn’t already been said in the comments but FYI I love your profile pic

Thank you I had to color my hair and I hate it but it got me the job I needed

I had to do the same a couple years ago. It was green on one side and purple on the other. Now it’s just plain ugh@Jswearingen92

0

when we are in a relationship we tend to take eachother for granted, plus we have whats called an Ego which consist to little or no logical thinking at all.

3

Because people want what they can't have . Plus they romanticise past relationships forgetting about the bad things

2

It's just playing with your emotions

3

Because most hetero cis men want to have sex with most women, and he is trying to keep you in his orbit in the mistaken assumption that you will come back to him if he wants you.

All the men I've broken up with did that, even if they had since moved on to someone else.
Not that I cared.

3

This is where my autistic side kicks in, I can have a close friend, become lovers for a while, even a couple of years, break up, and I am ok going back to being close friends as if nothing ever happened, even friends with benefits as if nothing ever happened. When my mind decides that the emotional side is over, it is over as if it never happened. Apart from ex wife, I keep in touch with other ex's a few times each week.

2

I believe that love is a drug. While in love, your chemistry is constantly producing dopamine. And that supply stops when love is lost, especially when broken (e.g. due to lost of trust) rather than when simply falling out of love.

Sometimes the show of regret and remorse is genuine. But sometimes it's simply driven by getting that next dopamine hit.

3

If there's a good enough reason to part ways that's a good enough reason to stay that way. Friends are fine but anymore than that is setting yourself up for the repeat.

Agreed! I never return thinking things will be different this time around. Nah, it's going to burn out in flames, more pain, more anger.

1

Never mind, what I was going to say is not going to help you.

3

Generally speaking, I think this kind of behavior is manipulative bread-crumbing to keep you on their hook. If he is saying things now that you wanted to hear but didn't when you were together, I would guess that is probably the case. And if he was cheating on you - and please know that I say this with empathy and compassion, because I've been there - he was never your best friend. A real best friend wouldn't treat you that way.

5

I'm a firm believer in when its over, it is really over. You can't go back. The hurt was real, the pain lingers and the magic spell is broken. Friendship may replace romance, by romance will never return. Some folks don't get the goodbye part very well. They regret the finality of it and try to bargain the distance away. I will always remember the good times, but I prefer to move on because I know things can never be the same again. I often think of an old song by Gale Garnett , "We'll sing in the sunshine, We'll laugh everyday, We'll sing in the sunshine and then I'll be on my way,,,"

7

Mine used to tell me he hated me, and he wanted a divorce, then when I finally handed him the papers, he said " just because a person asks for a divorce doesn't mean they really want one". It was to friggin late for me by that time, I was done!!!

6

That cheating thing...(emotional immaturity), is hard on the heart of most people! What would the world be like, if we could not trust people, (at least most of the time)? I read your bio...and i say, hold onto your truth and know that you have plenty of time and I think, that I can assure you that the more mature a person is...the better chance there is of making a 'good partner match!'

4

Loneliness sucks but I assume there was a good reason you dumped his ass in the first place? You kind of hinted at why you left so maybe try to remind yourself of that? People do sometimes change but it's probably best to make damn sure he has truly changed before you even think about letting him back in.

7

Familiar is comfortable. Unfamiliar is scary. Plus your brain tries to scrub the bad memories. So you maybe forget. But you don’t really want them back. It’s not going to be different.

5

Many songs have been written about, "You don't know what you had until its gone". Many sonnets and poems also. Listen and read some of those works and then ask yourself the question you posed to this site.

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