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I love the holidays but I learned a long time ago not to stress myself out over it. I've been trying to teach my mother and my sister to relax and enjoy the holidays for several years now. It isn't working and they pretty much hate Christmas and Thanksgiving because of the stress.


When I was married and the kids were young, I did it all. All the cooking, shopping, mailing, organizing, decorating, etc. I asked the ex one year what he would help with and he told me NONE of it, as it wasn't important to him. The most I got from him was proofreading the letter for the cards. Then a few years before we divorced I reread some of the past letters, and that was one of the steps that led me down the path to divorce. The ex was off in his own little world separate from the kids and I. As I live alone I now don't decorate, or bake or cook special stuff, minimal shopping, and don't send cards or letters, and it suits me just fine.


This is specific only to me, and I am not implying this is a widespread or common thing.

However, I recognize some women have these incredibly long lists of things they must accomplish during the holidays. Some of the women who have been in my life, from relatives and others, certainly have. Know what none of them have done?

Ask me for help.

My ex threw a fit at me for something like this. She had to do x, x and x, and there I was playing video games or something. She never asked. I'm not a mind reader. Her reply was something like "you should know" or "I've been giving you hints I needed help."

I'm bad at reading hints, too. Women are the greater sex, I'm just a buffoon. I appreciate you putting up with me, and I'm happy to help, but I can't unless you tell me.

Autistic? Sounds like me, and I'm an "Asparagus', as I jokingly call my type of autism.

@Petter I think I'm just awful at reading women! Or men, or people. xD

Culturally, women have been taught--consciously or unconsciously--not to ask certain things of men, especially "things" that fall within the "womanly" realm. I cannot remember ever asking my ex for help with holiday festivities but there were a couple of reasons: one was because he would have been of no help with what needed to be done. The other was after years of asking him to do things (pointblank) which he VERY selfom did, I knew he would ignore me or make himself scarce.

Fair point. Communication is huge in any relationship.


I used to. I would cook huge dinners for my in-laws and miscellaneous friends every holiday. I would back cookies, decorate the house, and do everything that was expected of me. Now that I am old, the banner has fallen to younger people--yeah, Grandma is "supposed" to bake cookies, etc., but not this one.

And my ex did nothing. No. Thing.


What good is being married if your husband doesn’t do anything?

Exactly why I'm not married.

I object! I do plenty. I make a mess, I nick the freshly baked biscuits, I give advice, ( which is ignored.) I sit on the sofa watching TV .......

@OpposingOpposum Actually, I do most of the cooking and shopping, the 'handy man' work and heavy duty humping, but it would ruin my street cred to admit to it!

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