It’s taken me time and plenty of hits and misses, but most of the time I’m there. I Am loved first by me, myself and I. Bet now your thinking, “Who’s this fruitcake.” But, I’ve worked hard towards accepting my flaws and the journey doesn’t end there. I work daily on cultivating a loving relationship with myself. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a religious bone in this body. But, in this craziness a vail lifted or the curtain dropped what ever it is. Now, I can see past the details in others and if I choose i can experience a loving sensations in people, places and things. And in my way of opinion, that’s the purpose of our existence to self cultivate so we can experience the sensations of this life.

Yes irresistible to all! Can't you tell?

Probably none, possibly one. Was never irresistible to anyone. More like I disappointed one woman who hoped we would end up marrying and it ended after several months.

Apparently I am this week. My ex-boyfriend has started pressure on me again every day this week to give it another try. I broke things off about 10 months ago. He's tried several times to win me back, so that I had to block his calls and texts for most of those 10 months.

So far just in the past week, he's: 1) Shown up at my door unannounced - I didn't open it. 2) Invited me on a whale watching boat ride after buying 2 tickets - I declined. 3) Invited me to a concert for a band he knows I enjoy and was planning to attend - I said no. 4) Offered to buy me a season pass, sitting next to him, at a weekly concert series we used to attend together, I declined. 5) this morning offered to pay for a hotel room to share on a trip to Oahu I'm planning to make alone next week. I again said no.

His attention is sweet - and he knows all the angles to try to weaken me.

I'm remaining strong in resisting his offers, remembering why we broke up. I don't want to go back there. We had a lot of great times, but we always ended up fighting. He is promising not to drink, since that contributed to the outbursts he'd have, and his insecurities manifesting into horribly controlling behavior. I'm so happy without him in my life, I just don't see me going back to that relationship again. Gotta protect my sanity which I've slowly regained after giving 8 years into his control.

It's nice to know that he appreciated me and still finds me "irresistible" so yes, it's flattering, but I think I'm going to have to block him again, after unblocking him briefly for the week. The pressure to give him another chance is destroying the sense of peace I've been enjoying these past several months without the drama he visited upon me.

He hopes to have another relationship, in his lifetime, and I am fine without one. Have told him having me next to him at all these events he's asking me to attend with him would greatly impair his chances of finding a new relationship. I refuse to be one of those exes who interfere with possible future relationships. We're done. I don't need to be in a relationship.

Not sure I broke his heart, or am breaking it, although he is acting as if I am. I do know that I've broken a few hearts in my time, but those guys didn't have quite the pull this one had on me.

Not that I have ever been aware of. I've broken hearts but always knew about it, so unknowingly? I don't think so.

Yes.

But if hearts have been "unknowingly" broken - how would I know ?

No, not now, not ever.

nothing is ever really simple

This was a serious problem for me, until I started getting better at letting go of things I cannot control. A lot of guilt. It's still there, to a degree, but I'm better at handling it now, I think.

It took a lot of "learning the hard way" for me to realize that 1) many people, if not most, are starved for meaningful attention; and 2) men will very often (mis)interpret meaningful attention (eye-contact, active listening, genuine interest, etc.) as romantic interest.

I'm starting to wrinkle and sag, so this won't be a concern much longer.