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When a person cheat, do you look for revenge or do you just let it go?

EmeraldJewel 7 Feb 19

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If I am in a monogamous relationship that is no longer monogamous, that means it is no longer what I signed up for, and it is time to make my exit. "Bye, Felicia!" The best revenge is deciding to be happy and do even better without their deceit in my life.


I tend to just cut them out of my life completely.


Neither, I just write them off totally...


I once had someone offer to have their uncle kneecap someone who had been unfaithful to me. It was the longest half-second of my life.

I was very young to even think that physical revenge would do a thing for me.

Having a good life without them is the best "revenge".

you beat me, Having a good life without them is the best "revenge". is what I would say also. I just walk away.

Tonya Harding

@MacTavish That hadn't happened yet.

Also the person suggesting violence was male.


Cheating says a lot about the cheater and nothing about the cheated. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Marz Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

Lol I just let them fuck themselves over. So not worth my stress. Ghosted...


Sit back and let karma take care of it.

Yes! Karma gets the job done.


Let it go. No revenge will un-hurt me. My ex girlfriend often threatened to get revenge when I did something she didn't like... my thought was, how old are we? Five?! Revenge is a childish thing. How much of your life are you willing to waste on someone that you feel has hurt you? How much of your time, which you will never get back, will you let them have?

@ShellyBean I get it, but cheating happens long after there's a problem... usually not just with the relationship, but with the cheater. It could be a pre-existing condition, or it could be new based on terrible relationship issues. Either way... what do you hope to gain from revenge? Will you get your emotional investment back? Will time turn back and suddenly it'll be all okay? No. Nothing will un-hurt you. So... Move. On. Revenge just poisons you and keeps a toxic person in your life

@ShellyBean Cheating is a betrayal of trust, it has more to do with that, than it does with the monogamy question. Some people cannot be trusted, and some can. Look for trustworthy people.

@ShellyBean, I'm poly; always have been. I assumed that being poly meant that I would not have to worry about cheating because I'm okay with my partner dating other people. Man was I wrong. Being poly does not mean cheating doesn't happen.

Last boyfriend would lie to me so he could see women without me knowing about it. He went as far as having two girlfriends named Theresa. That way all he needed to say was that he was going over to Theresa's house (he claims he wasn't technically lying since he was going to Theresa, just not the one I knew about). I found out about this cheat at my daughter's baby shower. I broke up with him shortly afterwords, but for a different reason (our house was raided and the police found over images of child porn on his computer. The idiot tried to blame the images on my children. The second Theresa took him in and actually married him. Some people I just don't understand).

A long time boyfriend that I had in Texas was busted by one of his wives when she was using his computer (with his permission). She found my lust letters on his computer. I had assumed that since he had two wives (one legal, the other was in name only) they were all okay with him dating me. I was wrong. Both eventually left him. We tried to get together when I moved to Missouri, and when I asked him if his girlfriend was okay with him being poly he replied that they "were working on it". In otherwords, no. I declined.

I agree with @arnies; cheating is a betrayal of trust and has nothing to do with monogamy. Now when I date someone who is married I insist on talking to their wife in person. If they're upfront they have no problem with that, but usually they find some reason to decline.

@ShellyBean yeah, I don't have much to add that the two who have responded that cheating is about a betrayal of trust didn't already say. I would only add that taking away the box labeled Cheat would be like taking away the box labeled would still happen, just under a different name but the pain would be the same. A rose, by any other name...


Revenge plots usually backfire. Best just to walk away from the person.
If they've cheated on you once, they'll do it again, if you give them the chance.

They get braver and braver each time there's no accountability.

@farmboy2017 True dat!


Definitely cut my losses and let it go. Dwelling on revenge just gives them power over your emotions and the act of revenge doesn't take away the hurt, pain, or help with regaining trust in others. Like others have said the best revenge is your own personal happiness and success.


There are two people whom I would like to hear from on this issue. Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump.
I ask because it seems to me that where there is great power there almost always is overwhelming temptation, and it usually works out. I once watched a gorgeous, drop-dead gorgeous woman making it clear tot the whole room that she wanted one of the men there to take her on. He was a governor, wealthy, bright, handsome, athletic, and wealthy. I commented on it and one of his aides said "Oh that goes on all the time. Women are after him, non-stop."
I looked at her again and realized that the temptation for men like that must be overwhelming; who am I to judge?

Today I learned it’s okay to cheat once you’re faced with a certain level of temptation. Rad.

I don't know, I think it speaks more to their ability to forgive than it does the temptation of men.... though I wouldn't count Melania out just yet. The signs of her discontent are there. When their youngest is grown I would be surprised if she stays. Billy boy was a bit of a cad but Don... He's just nasty. I wouldn't have touched him 20/30 years ago.... today he's a thing of nightmares.

@AmyLF Is it about forgiving or is about understanding? If s/he is involved with some one else, or even if it's a series of one-night stands, then something else is going on. The suggestion that this is a situation calling for forgiveness suggests to me that the wrong response is happening. Until the root cause is addressed then nothing will change.
Before anyone gets all persnickety, no, I am not blaming the victim. I am saying the couple has unresolved issues and might be better served to figure it out than to get all judgemental and supercilious.

@Axeman517 Really? That is your take-away? That is the depth of your understanding?

@Dick_Martin In Hillary's case it's forgiveness. I've seen her speak on it enough times to get that. I know next to nothing about Melania, however, so if it is forgiveness, understanding, or just putting up until she can make a move away is anyone's guess. I can guess from her behavior and reactions though, she is clearly not happy there. Honestly, I'm more inclined to leave it to them to figure out for themselves, especially since reasons for staying or going are private and personal between the couple in question and whoever the other party is. For me personally though, I can't and won't waste any time on it in my own situation.

@AmyLF On it's face, your response seems spot-on. But then I add in the counter-view. Bill & Hillary together did what neither of them could have done alone. To be blunt, breaking up the team over a piece of ass is in neither person's best interests. That counts doesn't it? As to Donald & Melania...well... is she upset that he philandered, or that he failed to keep it quiet? I have an idea that both of them met at a mature time in their life and had no innocent expectations about their new partner in life.

@Dick_Martin Quite possible though something in how Melania behaves makes me think there is some level of willful ignorance going on there... or maybe was going on there. I can't quite put my finger on it but something is definitely up there. As someone who's always been a bit over interested and curious about human nature and relationships, something about it fascinates me. I don't particularly like either one of them to be perfectly honest but the whole dynamic has my attention, at least mildly. I don't know, something tells me there will be a split sometime in the next 4-5 years as the kid reaches adulthood.

@AmyLF Melania interests me too. I have an idea she is not the dumb bimbo too many make her to be. Her background and her rise through the rubble is not done often, and never by weak sisters.

@Dick_Martin Even the brightest can find themselves in a situation. Business brilliance doesn't often equate to emotional/relationship brilliance. I suppose she's managed her business well, but it's more the relationship side of things that interest me. Those can be very tricky, and touchy, and vary from person to person so drastically yet still has patterns that can be followed and figured.


In my opinion, if either person cheats, the relationship is over.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

Where I wander away from that reaction is when the interests of both reach beyond the bedroom. If they're truly partners it affects their business interests, professional standings, and future success. If Hillary dumped Bill, both their careers would have ended abruptly. As it is, both are doing well and they have reached an accommodation that probably is best for them


I simply leave and be done with them. Revenge plots aren't something I'm fond of as it won't change what already happened. Nope, I just pack up and leave because I don't need that sort of stuff messing with my life. At best I'll try to understand why it happened through thought and asking them, but they're cut off after that.


The question makes me wonder how many members on this site were the cheaters in their last relationship and advertise that they are open to meeting 'people'! FYI- my ex was the cheater I divorced her. Be honest, people.

So was my ex a cheater and I divorced her.


I look for revenge by leaving their sorry ass!


Remember: If they will cheat 'with' you, they will cheat 'on' you!!

I can’t tell my friend that, who’s is in a situation. Lol


Those who are least invested in a relationship have the most power.
Just so you know.

I never thought of it this way, but you're right. How sad.

@Lysistrata Learned that in a Marriage and Family Living class.
I can't take credit for it.

@MacTavish Good class.


Looking for revenge is dangerous. Letting it go is the best thing to do. Just focus on setting some goals because the best revenge is a good life.

MikeJ Level 5 Feb 20, 2018

I think revenge is rarely a solution for anything. I recommend letting it go and moving on.


No personal experience with this but it's very contextual in my mind. I would have to know why the person did what they did and if it could be fixed. If I loved someone, then I might be willing to forgive and work it out. I am a guy who has never been in love so can't be sure how I would actually react and doubt that's exactly the way it would go.


This old country song " I Heard You Been Layin' My Old Lady," by New Riders Of The Purple Sage sums it up for me:


Letting it go is more logical, but Revenge and anger are powerful emotions., it most likely won't change their minds

Ha I have friends that are toxic and they do petty things.

revenge is for small minded people, I just move on and make a new life and let them fade away. It is the best policy to treat other people as you would like to be treat and I'm sorry to lose friends I can tolerate many things but I cannot tolerate lying and I think many people are like that you read in profiles, they want honest sincere people.

@dc65 that’s the grown up thing to do.


I do let it go but I let the person go as well. No revenge, no damage, just bye-bye. They screwed up, they can live with the knowledge they broke the relationship. I can go off and do my own thing without the concern of that in my life and find happiness elsewhere. That is revenge enough for me.

AmyLF Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

If they are close enough for me to consider it cheating then I cut them out of the picture. Blocking social media, phone, email, everything. I have no further use for them other than to isolate them from me.
My ex cheated on me and by the time she got back the next day I had everything of mine moved out of our apartment into my new place (great to know people).
Got no tolerance for that nor pity.


Revenge can be very nice, the best revenge is to be healthy look good feel good be good to others and not become old and bitter later. Their fate will catch up with them quickly enough, cheaters attract cheaters and liars in my opinion, a kind of karma that actually works, sooner or later if you live by the sword....

Revenge can be thought to be sweet but often it is as bitter as their act.

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