So the loneliness has finely sunk in. I have found myself thinking dirty thoughts of my corworks and customers who come in. ..... I really feel that need to be held by someone. I miss being little spoon after a long day. Im lusting over that physical touch as well as that loving warmth from snuggling after. Falling asleep together and just feeling the heat from them keeping me warm at night. I mean the girls Co sleep when I come home from work but its not the same. You know? Just missing that physical aspects of a relationship. As well of hearing someone tell me they believe I can do it. And help me stay focused because my mind is in a dark place right now Im not going to lie. I mean Im here for my girls but that's about it. I miss having someone there to be happy to see the real me and just hold me.
I've been there. It's a lonely place to be. But it will pass. Hold out for people who DO want to see the real you.
Skin on skin time is so hard to do without. I'm a card carrying oxytocin junky, it isn't just my mind even my body puts up a protest. Quite apart from the psychological effects as someone who can't tolerate NSAIDS or codeine the antinflammatory and pain killing properties are sorely missed. (No pun intended or maybe it was.)
I know what you are describing. It's incredibly difficult. I wish I had wisdom here, but I have only a cyber hug to offer.
I've been there. More often than I care to remember. Often enough to have given up because I didn't feel that a brief relationship would be worth the painful aftermath, and I decided to focus on being a father. Now my son, he's the younger of my kids, is your age, they both have their own lives, and I'm back alone reflecting on past decisions.
Consider any new relationship carefully, put your children first, and avoid anyone who can't accept that.
It gets easier to deal with, but there's always something missing. Be there for you as well as your kids, until you find the right match.
Given the capriciousness with which people give and withhold intimacy in all its forms, I've come to the conclusion it's better to find your own company sufficient and take anything else that comes your way as the transient thing that it always ends up being, even in a committed relationship.
But it's hard to give up the dream. I get that.
Let me gently suggest that you're focusing on what you don't have rather than what you do have, and you're thinking it's more crucial than it actually is. Reading between the lines I think maybe this is because of the emotional "support" that it gives you, the reassurance. The thing you're discovering is that this makes your sense of security and centeredness dependent on something / someone outside of yourself.
For all the things I've gotten wrong in life, and they are legion, one thing I've always been able to come back to is that I've always been able to count on myself to be good to me, to support me, and to believe in me. Regardless of whatever betrayals or losses come my way.
You not being in a relationship at the moment isn't a referendum on your worthiness. It has nothing to do with it. Try to find a way to internalize this for yourself, and to get in the habit of supporting yourself through thick and thin. Of pampering yourself. Taking care of yourself. Paradoxically I find that when I do that, two things happen. One, I'm more attractive to people I want to attract into my life; and two, I'm less needy. The two are related.
Try really hard to do nice things for yourself, treat yourself right! Feeling the way you do right now will lead you to fall for the first guy who shows you any attention...this is Dangerous, as, worst-case, pedophiles Target lonely women with kids! In the long run, ONLY you can properly care for you!
Touch that expresses real affection is energizing (literally) in many ways and it acts on us physiologically as well as emotionally. Without it, children die in orphan institutions. The associated grief of separation from others or another can make us susceptible to illnesses, also both physiological and emotional. Touch that doesn't express real affection, like other substitutes can provide temporary sense of relief followed by abrupt 'emptiness' that is almost worse than the original state motivating the substitution. It is also a primary component of addictions; one never gets enough of a substitute. The more healthy substitutes, I believe, are animals. Their affections are always genuine and support good emotional health. They can help us span times during which we aren't 'in touch' with suitable others of our own kind with whom we can bond.
I know the feeling. Aiken is like 2 hours south from me.
I miss physical things, more like cuddling and being affectionate.
More than that, I miss being around someone who's actually happy to see me, happy that I'm there, and treats me like a decent human being. Being a giver often comes with attracting people who only take. I don't know why that is. ...I digress.
But I totally know the feels.
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Was single from January 2009 until August 2016 when I made the mistake of getting back with the ex from 2007. Ten months later, I realize I'm being mentally/emotionally abused and extremely manipulated. Broke it off. Within a couple months, I wanted that touch, that feeling of being desired. This time made the mistake of trying to fill the void with random Tinder hook-ups. That took about two weeks for the pleasure to wear off. All of that also snowballed into the suicide attempt I made Christmas Eve morning. Don't give in to the feelings of sadness and loneliness. You are way richer than most. You have children who need you.
I had a kind of epiphany this weekend that I truly am going to be alone for a long time if not forever. I mean I've talked about it, and knew it was likely, but this weekend it seems to have really taken hold. It's not even worth trying to find someone. The last few connections I made on other dating sites have been scammers. The one real guy that I had a real date doesn't want anything besides a couple hours of Netflix a week. That isn't a relationship. Yeah, I'm a nice person but not the one. So, just me and the kitty girls. I'm sad, I tear up easily, and in the long run I'm going to be OK. I'm starting to bounce back now. And I will come back from this stronger than I was before. One of the things that makes me good at my job (or parts of my job) is that I can draw on my experience. I spoke with a woman today who just got an awful diagnosis, and told her "you don't know how strong you are until the only option is to be strong." So my friends, be strong. We will get through this.