Hugs?❤

I agree distance will be your friend.

I think you need to walk away. It's the only way you're going to stop playing these games with him. While you don't want drama, it sounds like he thrives on it. Also, a friend wouldn't mess things up by throwing in sex, especially as he's also married. He has a poor sense of boundaries and that's not going to change unless he gets his act together. You have to draw the line somewhere or else you'll be pulled around by his whims.

Well, I can be friends with folks that I am sexually attracted to and never make it awkward nor ever cross the line so I know it is possible. The real question is "Can you be 'just friends' with this man and leave the physical side of the relationship in the back of your mind as a fantasy, never to be made into reality?" If you think that is a possibility for you, then by all means be friends. Provide emotional support and advice when needed and continue to be a part of his life. The next question is "Do you think that he can leave the physical side of the relationship out of it?" I don't mean the flirting, that can probably continue as long as both of you continue operating under the premise that the relationship can never again become physical until he no longer needs to be a 'dedicated father' and never let the relationship become physical. Even if you don't think he can do that, then you need to ask yourself "Am I able to keep things from becoming physical even when he pushes for it?". You already know where that road leads, so can you be friends with this man and no matter how much his words seem to be saying he wants to get back together, are you strong enough to resist that urge and tell him "No"?

If you don't think that you can be friends without repeating history, then you should politely decline the friendship and let him live the life that he has chosen for himself.

End it. It will be hard but just do not engage with him anymore. He can't give you what you want. Sorry I know that is hard. It will be even more painful if you wait.

This relationship has provided nothing but drama, and for it to be drama-free, both of you have to make it that way. And from your description, even you are bringing drama into it ("lost my shit" is drama, yes?)

From a human perspective, you both want more intimacy (and freedom to pursue it) from this than it can actually provide you with. So pragmatically ... you need to go find the sort of relationship you actually want from someone who can actually provide it. And since you are like a moth to a flame when it comes to this guy, the only way to do that is to make a clean break.

walk, no, walk briskly.

You knew from day one he was married.

Walk away.

Before you become a Glenn Close bunny rabbit boiling b____.

He is playing hot and cold. Lure you in then push you away. You really should cut and run, but it will not be easy to do.

Ok, run like hell from this guy and situation. He will treat you the same way as he treats his current wife. Great father- messing around with you when he has kids.

I had the potential to have a platonic relation with a blast-from-the past- who still looks like Eddie Murphy 30 years later. He is separated from his wife and they are considering getting back together. They have 4 kids. No way am I spending time with him alone b/c I am attracted as hell to him and he has everything going for him and no way am I going to be the breaker-of-families while they try to reconcile.

You've had many months of exposure to this man, and the way it is now is most likely the way it will stay, unless it gets worse for you as he has a 'safe spot' to retreat into, and you don't. You seem so entwined in the minutia of this dysfunction that perhaps pulling back the lens to look at the Big Picture may allow you to spot the fractures. The red flags have been run up the pole...the warning sirens are blaring, but you've put yourself in a blacked-out soundproof room of habit and aren't witnessing them. Not sure how you justify continuing to think this back and forth is beneficial to you, but perhaps that would be a good start in figuring a method to stop this destructive behavior to yourself. Your statement about 'wanting to be a good friend to him' is really code for 'I haven't taken enough mental abuse yet' and effectively putting his needs in front of your own. Why should you care if he has a friend or not? When people roll in the mud they get muddy. Haul yourself out of the puddle and wash yourself off. Make yourself the priority. Take your power back from this man. After 5mos the 'investment' of your time has returned little...so its past time for you to cultivate one that does. Good Luck!

I think you already know the answer, but don't want to admit it..
You have to move on.. cut him out of your life.
I get it.. but you have to dredge up some faith in yourself that you CAN find happiness elsewhere.
Trust me.. i swear to you.. you found the chemistry once.. you CAN find it again but with someone who actually can commit to you in the way you want..

Advice to you. Get the hell out of there. It will end in tears for everybody including and especially you.