Naughty naughty rule-breaker butting in here: I don't have sex with women, but I've had sex with men who do.

All my sexual partners have been invested in my pleasure--always before, and often above their own. All my partners would have been very unhappy--perhaps to the point of a minor emotional wound--if I had given no feedback whatsoever, or indicated displeasure or pain at their hands. It's not so much about the woman's performance; it's about the woman's appraisal of the man's performance.

I never understood the stereotype of the guy who just wants to bang away and get his rocks off with no thought toward his partner's experience. I never met a guy like that. Maybe I just got lucky. . I've only ever been with men who couldn't have a good time unless I did.

The other responses in this thread are wholly consistent with my experience. They don't just want to stick it in--they want you to want them to stick it in. I think there's some adaptive advantage to that, natural selection-wise.

Not something I would normally talk about.
But given we are all unanimous here. (Mrs Slocum).

Too loud annoys me but doesn't mean it is lousy.
Think starfish, that is lousy.
The mind is by far the largest sex organ, use it.
Pretty much all of the same advice that has been given to men over the years applies in reverse.
Interact, engage, it is not just about the deed, take notice of what works and what doesn't, each guy is different. It is a mutual thing. Despite what you may have been raised on, it is not about the girl just lying there and thinking of England.

My best lovers have been able to talk freely about what they like and don't like, I am not good at guessing. There is so much more.

Her just lying there like a crash test dummy. No interaction, (except physical), no reaction, no input, (pun not intended). Like having sex with a dead body that has a heartbeat.

I had one girlfriend who called me "papi" during sex. It made me feel uncomfortable to the point where I could not really preform anymore.

Good: enthusiasm.
Bad: inanimation.

I'd like to hear some response from the females that are reading our responses. I think it should be a two-way conversation.

Well, there are men who are pleasers, and those expecting to be pleased. The former likely have few ‘complaints,’ the latter likely made the statement you refer to..

Lack of imagination would get old fast…

you make it hard to answer and keep it PG-13 the man needs to be responsive to the female's need and she needs to communicate her needs to the male. Both people need to communicate their needs to the other, some people find it difficult to talk about their sexual desires.

To be stone cold silent, to not make eye contact, to not breathe excitedly, to be dry (usually the guy's fault for lack of foreplay), to snore, and to lie there like a bump on a log are the cardinal sins in my sex universe.

For me, the female needs to be into it, they act and react, and there needs to be an emotional connection. Hot, great sex is in the mind.

My first girlfriend would cry after sex, and say she felt bad be she was committing a sin. That was the only bad sex I ever had.

There are those who lack passion, those that are too inhibited, and those who behave as a corpse. Only have had two bad ones in my life

I've got to feel a connection... go figure ?

Chemistry matters. Beyond that, enthusiasm and a true desire to please your partner. If you are both doing that, things work pretty well.

When you touch your partner, is it because you really want to touch and feel them? Are you fascinated by how they feel? Nothing worse than an unenthusiastic partner.

There is no place for self consciousness during sex. If you are thinking about how you look, you are distracted from the task at hand.

The only time it was ever bad for me was mostly due to my fault. I was on medication at one point in time for my anxiety and apparently one of the side effects I experienced was "inability to ejaculate." I grew up watching porn and obviously thinking I was "smaller than average" as a teenager so I made up for it with learning as much as I could about foreplay. Now to put it all together I will lay out the scenario. (this was about a week after I got on the medication mind you.)

My third girlfriend came over and things started getting hot and heavy. I decided to woo her with my foreplay skills. After about 45 minutes of that I felt like I could proceed without her feeling disappointed. That was the longest it had ever taken me to climax in my life. Four hours later we had to stop and take a break because I had to go to the bathroom and she had to catch her breath. Another four hours later I finally gave up and she was laying there looking like a puddle in an earthquake.

She finally asked me how in the hell I did that and how many times I came. When I admitted that I didn't she got this look of pure disappointment on her face and started bawling right there in my bed. I spent pretty much until dawn comforting her and trying to convince her that it was nothing about her that was an issue. It took a couple weeks before I could finally sit her down privately and explain about the side effect of my pills after finding out about it.

For me it's not really about me getting off as long as I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my partner is enjoying the hell out of herself. I enjoy climaxing, don't get me wrong but I get more mental pleasure out of seeing my partners' pleasure than my own.

If the woman seems really distracted (or otherwise not 'into it'.. ), that's a real turn-off. I have actually stopped during sex because of this. Another turn-off is if she just lays there and doesn't want to take an active part in it. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone enough to share the most personal of all acts, so for someone to just lay there like a corpse is practically a relationship-breaker.

If she's not aroused, what's the point. After all, it's not just for the man, it's for her as well. For me, that's the only thing that makes sex bad. It's not one sided. Always remember that.

One of my exes, though affectionate, was pretty unresponsive. No direction, faster slower, nothing. And no return of foreplay. Great person. Intellectually and emotionally compatible. Just not so much physically. Desire was there, but radically different ideas of sex.

Looking back from my youth till now.... I realize that the only bad sex I had is when my expectations of it were shattered. I assumed I would have a euphoric moment with this lady and it didnt happen. A guy will eventually roll over and start a little foreplay with his wife and she says shes tired but if I really have to have it. It becomes less then what you imagined it would be. Today .... sex is an art of sharing enjoyment with each other. I try hard to please my wife before I get mine. That leaves me satisfied knowing shes satisfied. To me.... bad sex is all in your mind. It really has nothing to do with the female. You can always say let's go take a shower before you start. Then you can wash each other and dry each other. If you approach for sex and it dosen't happen...then it's not sex. If you have the shame or beg then it's not going to be want you want. It takes teamwork and fascination and being open minded and not using pressure to have great sex.... that's my 2 cents. I have great sex today because I make it that way....

I would say not being “present”, not engaged in the sex that is happening. When the woman is just coming across as mechanical or routine in her actions. Being a woman that has sex with other women, it rarely happens to me but I see it happen with hetero sex often when I am having a three-way

Each person is different I had a girl once wanted me to be rough pull her hair that kind of stuff I'm not into any of that. That was a big turn off for me but someone else may have been crazy about the idea so I would say it's a comparability thing more than something she's doing wrong. I like what whoopi Goldberg said once if you're having sex and it's not good you have the wrong partner.

Stress is usually the culprit.
I dated a woman once, we were both in our thirties. She needed to be alone with doors locked to have an orgasm. She told me this after I unsuccessfully tried to get her aroused.

For me, it's all about whether she is in the room. If she is drifting off to someplace ... well...

I wish I could answer your question, but it's been so long, I'm not sure.